I want to start off by explaining my own experience with watching She-Ra for the first time. I started to watch the show and continued to watch it for various reasons. But I want to make it clear that I wasn’t watching the show to see who ended up with who. I enjoyed the show mostly because it had such wonderful messages surrounding healthy families, friendships, and relationships. And so, one of the main themes of the show ended up being: abuse.
The show demonstrated that abuse can take a variety of forms. The show demonstrated that people can suffer from abuse in different ways. The show presented that people can break the cycle of abuse and people can continue the cycle of abuse. The show demonstrated that in some cases people can try and help an abusive person, but the abusive person may abuse the person trying to help. The show also highlighted that people are allowed to leave abusive relationships.
Before we begin, I want to note that I won’t be answering the question “Did Catra’s own experiences of abuse influence her actions?” Because the answer to this question is obviously Yes. And I sympathize with Catra and the fact that she was abused while she was growing up. In addition, there’s a lot of complexity and depth surrounding the abuse Catra received. But Catra also continued the cycle of abuse. And in real life, people who have been abused can also end up abusing other people.
Now, since we’ll be focusing on Catradora in this commentary, we must look strictly at the interactions between Catra and Adora. The reason behind this is we are evaluating only whether the relationship between Catra and Adora is healthy. In addition, if your friend told you they were being abused, would you ask the question, “I understand, but what about your abuser? Was your abuser abused?”. No, I don’t think you would. You’d ask your friend, “Is there any way I can help?” And so, in this case, Adora is your friend and Catra is the abuser.
Thus, the main question remains: Did Catra abuse Adora? And the answer is Yes.
(Please note that the underlined statements are hyperlinked to websites providing information on abuse.)
Catra has unrealistic expectations of Adora:
Catra makes unreasonable demands of Adora.
Catra expects Adora to put everything aside and meet her needs.
Catra is constantly dissatisfied no matter how much Adora gives.
Catra undermines, dismisses, and distorts Adora’s perceptions of reality.
Catra accuses Adora of being “crazy”.
Catra refuses to acknowledge or accept Adora’s opinions or ideas as valid.
Catra dismisses Adora’s requests, wants, and needs as ridiculous or unmerited.
Catra suggests that Adora’s perceptions are wrong or that Adora cannot be trusted by saying things like “you’re not making sense”.
Catra uses emotional blackmail:
Catra manipulates and controls Adora by making Adora feel guilty.
Catra uses Adora’s fears, values, compassion, or other hot buttons to control Adora or the situation.
Catra exaggerates Adora’s flaws or points Adora’s flaws out in order to deflect attention or to avoid taking responsibility for her poor choices or mistakes.
Catra denies that an event took place/lies about it.
Catra treats Adora like Catra’s inferior.
Catra blames Adora for her mistakes.
Catra doubts everything Adora says and attempts to prove Adora wrong.
Catra talks down to Adora.
Catra uses sarcasm when interacting with Adora.
Catra acts like she’s always right, knows what’s best, and is smarter than Adora.
Catra controls and isolates Adora:
Catra treats Adora like a possession or property.
Catra uses weapons on Adora.
Catra physically restrains Adora.
Catra attempts to murder Adora multiple times.
Adora suffered from Catra’s abuse and Adora displayed the effects of this abuse:
Adora also tried tactics that are not effective ways of dealing with abuse:
Adora arguing with Catra.
Adora trying to understand or make excuses for Catra.
Adora attempting to appease Catra.
Adora also figures out how to properly deal with Catra’s abuse:
Adora makes herself a priority.
Adora establishes boundaries.
Adora stops blaming herself.
Adora realizes she can’t fix Catra.
Adora avoids engaging with Catra.
Adora builds a support network.
Adora deserves to be in a healthy relationship, which consists of:
Adora should be confident her partner won’t do anything to hurt her or ruin the relationship.
In a healthy relationship, trust comes easily and Adora shouldn’t have to question her partner’s intentions or whether her partner has her back.
Adora should be able to be truthful and candid without fearing how her partner will respond.
Adora’s partner may not like what Adora has to say, but should respond to disappointing news in a considerate way.
Adora’s partner should value Adora’s beliefs and opinions.
Adora’s partner should love Adora for who she is.
Adora should feel comfortable setting boundaries and should feel confident that her partner will respect those boundaries.
Adora’s partner should cheer for Adora when Adora achieves something.
Adora’s partner should support Adora’s hard work and dreams, and appreciate Adora.
Adora’s relationship should feel balanced.
Both Adora and her partner should put the same effort into the success of the relationship.
Neither Adora’s nor her partner’s opinions should dominate. Instead, they both should hear each other out and make compromises when they don’t want the same thing.
Adora should feel like her needs, wishes and interests are just as important as her partner’s.
Adora’s partner should be caring and empathetic to Adora, and should provide comfort and support.
In a healthy relationship, Adora’s partner will do things that they know will make Adora happy.
Kindness should be a two-way street in Adora’s relationship: it’s given and returned.
Adora’s partner should show compassion for Adora and the things Adora cares about.
Adora’s partner should own up to their actions and words.
Adora’s partner should not place blame and should be able to admit when they make a mistake.
Adora’s partner should genuinely apologize when they’ve done something wrong and continually try to make positive changes to better the relationship.
Adora’s partner should be able take ownership for the impact of their words or behaviour had, even if it wasn’t their intention.
Adora and her partner should be able to openly and respectfully discuss issues and confront disagreements non-judgmentally.
Adora’s partner should not belittle or yell during an argument.
Adora’s relationship should have healthy conflict by recognizing the root issue and addressing it respectfully before it escalates into something bigger.
Adora should enjoy spending time with her partner.
Adora and her partner should bring out the best in each other.
A healthy relationship should feel easy and make Adora happy.
Adora should be able to let loose, laugh, and be themselves.
Adora’s relationship should not bring Adora’s mood down but should cheer Adora up.
Adora’s relationship doesn’t have to be fun 100% of the time, but the good times should definitely outweigh the bad.
Whatever Catra says, Catra’s violence towards Adora is unacceptable.
Catra’s violent behavior is always Catra’s responsibility, not Adora’s.
Catra’s abuse is not okay or justifiable.
There are so many scenes throughout the series where Catra emotionally and physically abused Adora, and these scenes are captured on this blog.
I just want to add that even when Catra emotionally and physically abused Adora, Adora continuously tried to reach out and help Catra. Adora gave Catra so many chances for her to apologize and rectify her mistakes. But Catra didn’t. Not only that, when Adora left, Catra continued to abuse people. Catra emotionally abused Scorpia. Then, when Scorpia left, Catra began abusing Lonnie. Catra’s abuse didn’t stop when Adora left, Catra just found a new victim.
In addition, there were so many significant moments of growth for Adora. Adora found people who supported her and did not abuse her. Adora began to heal from Catra’s abuse. Adora no longer made excuses for Catra. Adora realized that she is not responsible for Catra’s atrocious actions.
Adora was strong and brave for moving forward in her life without her abuser.
Moreover, Adora is a victim of abuse. Catra abused Adora emotionally and physically. Catra repeatedly admits to manipulating Adora in order to meet her own selfish goals. Catra did not show any remorse for her abuse against Adora throughout seasons 1 to 4. Catra continuously blamed Adora for her own atrocious actions. And finally, Catra attempted to murder Adora on several occasions.
And here’s the most important thing. I don’t care who Adora would have ended up with. I just care about the fact that Adora ended up with Catra. What I mean is: I would rather have Adora end up without a partner, than end up with Catra.
Irrespective of whether you agree or disagree with my points on Catradora, these will be final points:
Abuse can happen anywhere at any time.
Abuse can happen in any relationship, including lesbian relationships.
Make sure YOU can recognize signs of emotional and physical abuse.
Make sure YOU know that it’s okay to leave an abusive relationship.
Make sure YOU can trust and depend on your PARTNER/FRIEND.
Make sure YOUR PARTNER/FRIEND knows they can trust and depend on YOU.
Make sure YOU are being treated with kindness and support in your relationships.
Make sure YOU are treating YOUR PARTNER/FRIEND with kindness and support.
Make sure YOU are in healthy relationships and friendships.
In conclusion, EVERYONE deserves to be treated with love and respect.
janainaart
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