To do: Live a little

When you call you dad a dick... #imsorry #throwback

Last days of SUMMER ⛱ . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

When the squad needs pampering... . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

It's the little things that matter most 🖤 . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

Rachels are going to take over the world 🌍 . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

When you love them so much it hurts 🖤 . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

When the toilet has a toilet wall . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

🖤 . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

When you drink tastes like mouthwash . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

Smile, and let the world wonder why . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

Look who's here 😍😍😍@_jasonferreira . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag (at Ma'ale Adummim)

#Anxiety . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

It's been a while.. a few weeks since it started up again. A week since we fought. A week since you took my hurt feelings and turned them around to blame me. Maybe it's my fault for not giving you the full story.. maybe it's yours for never listening. But then again.. who does listen anymore? Everyone hears but no one listens. You hear what you want. What's relevant to you. You see. It's a lose - lose situation for me. If I keep quiet you and everyone else will inquire my silence. And if I speak, then it's a shit contest. Let's see who had the shitiest day, the shitiest life. I lose either way. Do I have your attention now? Let's see. I'm fighting two battles. The one of you and me and the one of me and me. Let's start with the one that got your ears red. The battle of us. You are my best friend for nearly 5 years. You know everything about me. The good and the bad. And as bad as the bad can be, it's not as bad as you made it sound. I'm loyal. I've been there every step of the way. I stood by you when you needed me and when you didn't. I can be annoying and have my mood swings and a bad temper. Everybody does. That doesn't make us bad people. I don't do well in crowds. When I don't know the people I shut down and if I talk it would be directed at the people I know well or an answer to a question I was asked. That is not being mean or a snob. And you know that. But you are so used to joking that I am a snob that you started believing it. And even if not.. even if it's still just a joke- the people around us who don't know, now think it's true. And this is how rumors start. This is not all of it. But I'll stop for just a second and jump up to my second battle- my own. Anxiety. You've all heard of it. The question is to which group do you belong to? The group who takes it seriously, knowing it is real and terrible when a person is in the middle of an attack or the second group. The one that laughs it off and says- stop taking yourself so seriously. Get a grip of yourself? I belong to the group who suffers of anxiety. It hasn't happened in a long time. I got good at controlling it. But a few weeks ago things got bad. It started with work. I hate my job. It is crazy and hectic and I really need to get a new one. But for me to get a new one I need a new protfolio. So I started working on one. That means I'm constantly working. At work and at home. And then you and the others come in. You keep asking why it's taking so long and why this and why that and why am I not coming out and why am I not nice to those girls and why am I not putting in effort. And I'm tired. I feel as if I haven't slept in months even though I have just woken a few moments ago. And when I tried to tell you that I'm having a hard time you said I need to work harder to get out of my job. You heard me. But you didn't listen. You didn't hear my cry for help. So I kept quiet. This brings me back to our battle. You. Don't. Listen. And maybe it's because what you're going through and yes maybe if you want to play the shit game you will win. But life isn't a game is it? we both are allowed to have a bad day, a hard time. But I decided to keep quiet. My anxiety battle was much bigger by then that I just couldn't fight both. I was so damn tired. I'm still tired. I'm tired of being tired. It has been so long that I thought I was sick. So I went to the doctor which checked me out and sent me for some tests. But before I left he said this: I don't know You, and I don't know what you're going through, but I think this is stress. It's anxiety. Take care of yourself. Take a break. Stop. Breathe. You'll feel better. Come see me in two weeks. When I left the office and got to my flat I had a full on blown panic attack. Crying and not being able to breathe. My mum got so worked up she was ready to drive the two hour distance to fetch me and take me back home. She asked where you were? Why aren't you there? And she was right. Why weren't You? I was there every step of the way for you. With all those girls you liked that broke your heart. With your job. With your dad getting sick, With your dad dying. with the days after. I was there. Where were You? Then a day later you asked if I was cross with you for some reason. And I thought here he is. He is ready to listen. He will help me. He will tell me it's going to be alright because that's what we do. We reassure each other. So i have answered yes. You asked why and I said you hurt my feelings and your spiteful and you don't listen. And I'm having a hard time and can't deal with you taunting me. I was wrong. you were not ready to listen to me. You only took one thing out of the whole. Me being mean. Which leads me to think. Am I? Am I that bad? Really?  Or are you just looking for a reason. For some reason that keeps nagging at me. You've been looking for a reason to snap, and I gave you your chance. I'm not sure I might be off.. But even though you turned my claims against me and made me out to be the one in wrong. If you'd just stop. Stop and reread my claims. And just listened you would've seen it. Or maybe you chose to ignore? Either way I'm done. I'm helping me now. So you won't see me for a while. I'm doing what is good for me and right now you're not it. But this one thing I will say before I go. If you need a hand. Someone to listen. Someone for help. I'll be there as always. Not because I always am, but because I know how it feels to not have that shoulder.

When you miss it.. all of it.. . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

It's hard to be brought down when you have a balloon 🎈 . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag

When you crash your friend's Candy Crush game 😈 . . . #love #followback #instagramers #socialenvy #PleaseForgiveMe #tweegram #photooftheday #20likes #amazing #smile #follow4follow #like4like #look #instalike #igers #picoftheday #food #instadaily #instafollow #followme #girl #instagood #bestoftheday #instacool #ebookwormsclub #follow #colorful #style #swag