Drain Gang

______

Bucky: *struggling to eat a meal with only a fork*

Sam: You know they also gave you a knife, right?

Bucky: you know they also gave you a brain, right?

Natasha: Burn.

______

Bucky, with a stoic face, watching Steve from a distance: the things I'd let that man do to me would concern the government

Natasha: I don't wanna hear that

______

Natasha, angrily slapping Steve's chest over his tight shirt: HOW MANY CHILDREN DID YOU BREASTFEED, HUH? Why are they so BIG?

Steve, startled and feeling emotionally assaulted: huh????

Sam, slapping Steve's thigh: look at those CHILD BEARING HIPS

Steve: *isn't sure what to say*

Bucky, falling to his knees: I don't care how many children you mothered before. Please bear mine next

______

Nat & Sam watching Bucky walk out shirtless:

Both at the same time: fuck, I'm gay

Natasha: *raises a brow at Sam*

Sam: *squinting at Nat*

Natasha: whore

Sam: bitch

______

Natasha, talking about the show: have you seen breaking bad?

Steve, face stuffed with dry cereal: I break bad every day

Natasha: it's a show

Steve: I don't like making a show of violence, but if you're interested

______

Sam: why is Barnes staring at the turned off TV?

Natasha: every TV is playing your favorite show if you're schizophrenic enough

______

Steve: I started hitting this public gym, they say it's good for my socializing

Steve: I'm sorry, I lied. I actually started going because Sam works out there

Natasha, looking at her phone, wasn't even listening: mhm

______

Sam: *randomly handing Bucky a water bottle*

Bucky: ???? What am I supposed to do with this?

Sam: shove it up your ass

______

Bucky, talking about Steve: it's not my fault I got the fuckable one

Natasha, talking about Sam: it's not my fault mine is responsible. Besides, it's hot

Bucky: wow, imagine being into responsibility. Our priorities are so different

Natasha: mine is the eldest daughter/child assasin syndrome

Bucky: fair, respect

______

Steve: *has been ranting for 7 minutes*

Steve: and it's all because I had to spend my entire childhood manually learning how others do things

Natasha: wow, that sentence just reminded me of the fact that you're autistic

Steve: NAT

______

Steve: Hey, Buck, can we go to that new art museum on Sunday?

Bucky, not even looking up: Look at you, asking permission like a good boy. Who am I to deny you anything, of course we can go, doll face

Steve, blushing furiously: wha--?! stop using pet names like that! You know I'm sensitive to them

Bucky: I know

Steve: it shows, you jerk

Bucky: your jerk, and you loooove me

Steve: fuck you cause you're right

Bucky: fuck me even when I'm wrong, baby

Steve, can't fucking breathe: BUCKY!!!!

______

Sam: how could you know that?! Are you stalking me again???

Natasha: look I'm telling you, I didn't stalk you! I normally would, but I didn't this time!

______

Steve: *sulking in the quinjet after a mission:

Natasha: you've done such a good job at this mission, Steve

Steve: ????

Bucky: couldn't take my eyes off you. Perfect form, sweetheart

Steve: *ducking his head to try and hide a satisfied grin*

Sam: and your leadership, Cap. Absolutely amazing. Couldn't have asked for a better captain

Natasha: our favorite captain

Steve: are you guys conditioning me to feel better about myself???

Sam: well someone has to

______

Sam: *telling Natasha about Steve and Bucky's fight in the helicarrier*

Sam: and then they fought, hand to hand, it was like watching gay porn

Natasha: I should have been there

______

Bucky: I already dropped a marshmallow I don't think my mental state can handle any more today

______

Natasha: this is a safe space

Sam: thank---

Natasha: mostly. you know I don't judge

Sam: um?

Natasha: much.

______

Sam: can you stop antagonizing Stark for one day? It's not nice

Bucky: who's he gonna tell, his father?

______

Sam: I have three new foreigner friends

Bucky: I have three friends

______

Natasha: that's very sociopathic of you to say

Steve: every autistic I know is at least mildly sociopathic. So yes, we know the shit

______

Bucky, to Sam: I'm sorry I talked about a deeply disturbing memory from my brainwashed days while laughing. Please stop acting like a therapist

______

Bucky: I know over thirty languages but sometimes my brain just says a big fat "no", then I can't even form a sentence like "I am a pencil"

Natasha: are you a pencil?

Bucky: I... guess?

Natasha: good for you????

______

Sam: I have vowed, in fights and in sex, to stand by your side

Sam: can you stop antagonizing Stark for one day? It's not nice

Bucky: who's he gonna tell, his father?

full image under cut!

Hii !! Thank u sm for the ask annndd no i cannot 😔 but ! Talking about lyvia is always a reason to persevere . So i am SO glad u asked 😈😈 this got kind of long actually whoops everything under the cut !!!!

It starts with the others making fun of Bucky for using outdated slang from the 1930s. He doesn’t care to break the habit or learn the modern slang, but he decides he has to get back at them somehow. So he starts making things up. At first, they’re close enough that only he can tell they’re fake, but then he starts pushing to see how weird he can get before they realize he’s fucking with them.

Once she figures it out, Yelena follows suit by mixing made up Russian phrases with her real ones. Alexei soon joins her (after she had to explain what she was doing multiple times so he wouldn’t ruin the joke), then Bob and John start throwing out fake Southern phrases left and right. And Ava gets to join in twofold, because she adds in fake and real phrases from both England and Argentina.