Chapter 05 || Layovers || Jeon Jungkook ||
Synopse: Jeon Jungkook want to take a rest, a little rest from his fast moving life. To find where his peace belongs, to find where he belongs.
Genre: childhood friends to lover? Angst, slow burn.
Pairing: idol Jungkook × oc
Jungkook crouches over the toiled seat, emptying his gut.
The gurgling sound of vomit surround him as he vo it his meal and drink from previous hour. He pant, loosing his breath at gag, tear picked at corner of his eyes, mouth open for air but he struggle again, lifting his body up and flushing toilet, he stand infront of mirror.
Splashing water on his cold face and washing his mouth, he breath in and out, steady himself by clutching tightly on corner of sink, wet hair stuck on his forehead and he made no attempt in drying his face.
After dragging himself to the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator and took out a cold water bottle, letting the cold calm his heated body. When he put the bottle on the table a drop of water from his cheeks dropped on his lips and he felt it from his lips to his naked chest, Jungkook sighed.
“Fucking idiot, talking about things he doesn't know about, doesn't relate to him, fucking idiot person.” He cursed and cursed him. Jungkook won't admit it but he thinks he is scared? Slightly or more? But he is scared now. And he wasn't going to admit it, to feel on his tongue, he wasn't going to admit it.
Hussed laughter and mumbled voice stirred him, and he peeked his eyes to look around, cheeks swollen and eyes red he mouth agape opened when he found a huge wall size portrait in front of him. After looking around in his sleepy form, he sat straight, finding himself on the couch and he was reminded how he was tired enough to sleep here instead of his bedroom.
“What did you say, again?” Jin yelled at him in shock and Taehyung laughed nervously. Jungkook peered from behind the portrait as it was resting against his foot end couch facing his back at him and front at the others. He stood and walked towards them when he wasn't able to from behind the picture.
It was a painting of red flower and naked piece of dog and a child with
“I bought an apartment.” Taehyung said, and Jungkook's sleepy state throw out from the closed windows.
“Dude.” Jimin murmured, shaking his head as he went and slumped against the sofa on the carpet ground. Jungkook looked back at the painting. “Why it's here? Is someone gifted to you?”
“No, I brought it.” Taehyung explained. “But we don't have a place for it.” Jin said, pointing at the painting and both other youngsters nod their heads.
“And that's why I bought a new apartment.” Taehyung laughed again and held his piece, putting it against the balcony gate now.
“But you didn't tell us before?” Jimin said, fidgeting with the remote as he feels confused about what should watch on television or what Taehyung is going to do now.
“So you moving out? And where is Hyung?” Jungkook looked around and Jimin wanted to stop the answer from hearing Taehyung speak, “Yes and they were still sleeping.”
“Do they know?” Jin asked, sitting on the couch, looking at him. “Only Namjoon Hyung knows, as I kind of want his permission.” Jin nods his head and ruffles his hair, “we talk when they get up okay.” And his younger friends hummed in agreement.
Jungkook stared at the screen, glaring at the loser words, beside him laughing Taehyung getting choked on his fries, “I didn't expect to win over you this easy, man.” He coughs and coughs, and Jungkook gulps his urge to pat on his back.
“Let's play again.” Jungkook grabbed the controller, his mind felt fogged, body heated, a slight sting of water in his eyes, he felt scared, why he wasn't able to focus on the game, he had been trying for hours but failed again and again, from past week, he has been trying to fit in his present.
“Did you guys see your schedule list?” Yoongi asked, turning his phone off and checking the soup he had been preparing. “What schedule? I didn't.” Hoseok paused in his track at mid cutting vegetables, before grabbing his phone and sighing high. “Damn dude.”
“Yeah.” Yoongi nodded, putting noodles in soup.
Taehyung pays no attention to their talk as he feels content in winning over Jungkook after getting beaten ten times in the past few months. And Jungkook found his breath quickening at the words. “Fuck.” He mumbled.
Taehyung can sense the shifting pattern in them, and he just wishes they understand him, as always they do.
When the car stopped at their company building, Taehyung was first to leave them behind as he ran towards the restroom to free the liquid that had been stored in his ball for the past ten minutes.
Others members exit with a silent chaos, heavy with unsaid words but lighter with unsaid trust they have.
“we really have to do it?” Hoseok asked, his serious gaze put the manager at edges.. They were in the middle of dance practice when the manager came, the band mates wanted to talk to him, thus Namjoon gave him a call.
“Yes, I know you all are like brothers now, but it's okay if you want your own space, your own home.” Manager sighed, looking at their faces as he continued, “but as your group is successful and in very high demand, we can now afford to give you all your own freedom, unless there are no controversies or problems for the company being envolved, you all have to take responsibilities of your space now.”
The band mates nodded their heads and few remained silent, after the manager left them. They scatter around to sit and drink some water, so their brain can store the new information.
“I think it's time for ourselves, as in time to identify and find who we all are besides our group members.” Namjoon, being the leader of their group, tried to understand the new route to them, but felt silence after receiving no words from them.
“it was congested, i cant buy or put new things anymore. I want to have things that reflect me, and I want to understand myself more. I’m sorry if you’re all disappointed in me.” Taehyung said, glaring at his own hands, he felt disappointed, and selfish that he was being first to suggesting living away from each other but he felt suffocated, he felt he know nothing about himself what he wants what he needs and he do not want to bothered anyone else because of him.
Seokjin sighed, and put his palm flat in front of him, “we all are family, and it doesn't need to be proven by living together all the time, isn't it?” Yoongi chuckled, putting his hand on him, and others followed with a little laugh, “so cheesy Hyung.” Hoseok laugh.
But Jungkook, staring at their hands he felt obligated, not sure if he wanted to get separated from them or not.
Jungkook moves his body, hold his breath and sing his part, he moves fast, slow, fast, sing, breath, and sing. This was his routine from past week, under strict and scary gaze, under pressure and pleasing gaze, that was his routine of his life.
Jungkook pant and pant, laying flat on dance floor, he felt suffocated, he bend his body and closed his eyes trying to breathe in and out, it was slow but he felt he his panicked go away and he sit up again.
The heavy breath and smell of sweat from his band mates filled the practice room, he felt claustrophobic from his exhausted mind. But he didn't complain, this was the life he choose, he desire, he want, he don't deserve to complaint for this routine.
Jungkook wouldn't complaint wouldn't tell anyone how suffocated, how much claustrophobic he felt nowadays.
He had to bear it, he had to bear this routine.
But why did he felt so hollow?
How do these fast moving things feel a burden to him?
Why singing and dancing letting him feel exhausted? Why did he feel he was doing his job rather than enjoying his passion?
Now standing on big stage in America, receiving awards for his group, he felt his limbs go number, his excitement go down.
Jungkook doesn't feel he deserves to stand on this stage.
In between his band mates.
But, isn't this what he wants? These are the things he desires, his brothers receiving their hard work awards, his fans being happy and satisfied with their music, people's appreciation and respect for his band?
And when the shouting and Happy fans chant their names, Jungkook thought he wasn't being loyal to them. this is not what he wants, this is not how he wants to give back the love he received.
When he doesn't feel joy in his performance, in his signing. When he doesn't feel he did his best. When he doesn't feel he pleases others with his singing.
When Jungkook isn't able to enjoy his own singing, lyrics and dance, how he wants others to enjoy and be appreciated towards him.
Jungkook thinks he doesn't belong to his fans.
Unless he first belongs to himself.