I LOVE MY FRIENDS

“Titties in my mouth, good... jello in my mouth, bad” -jay

“Tough titties said the kitty, but the milks just fine” a “buzzism” (quote from her friend buzz) according to my mom

“Why are your pants wet?” I ask. “Cause I learned how to pee out of my ankles.” Says Kaylee

“So I know you’re not good at hitting on people, but only some cannibalism is sexy” -kaylee

Alex says while playing catchphrase “playing with the thing” while moving his hands back and forth. Tony and Paula at the same time “MASTURBATION!” (the word was dollhouse)

“What are you a rule follower?” say Haley. “I have Taco Bell logo on my ass!” say Ize

“A garbage bag full of sausage.... that’s what I call my buhginaaaaa” -anonymoose lesbian

Mom, helping me with paper *growls* “what?” I ask. “Backspace” she whispers begrudgingly. She has been continuously pressing the delete instead of the backspace and it deletes in the opposite way than she was expecting.

Me, a bisexual: “Nicholas Hoult is really cute.” Kaylee, a lesbian, trying to be supportive: “he has...symmetrical features and thick hair!”

“I just karate chopped your tongue. I did not like that; it was firm yet squishy and wet. For some reason it made me think of Chuck E. Cheese” -kaylee

“I’ve got absolutely no jumps in me. This boy has no bounce.” -sam

“I love giraffes. I’ve kissed a camel before.” -JESSICA

“There is a state of homeostasis that butches go through when a femme needs their jacket” -sam

“They say don’t look a gift horse in the mouth because it is full of horse chestnuts” -Jessica

“I wish people could stop being horny at 10 am, I just wanna see some cows” -kaylee

“You used to be so suffocatingly elderly” -kaylee