Quotes

Draco: So, Potter, to a year of not hexing one another's arses off?

Harry: Sure, Malfoy. I wouldn't want to deprive you of your best asset

Draco: What

Regulus: Hmmm, Barty, I wonder why

Regulus: Maybe it's because we're DATING

Barty, shaking his head and still reading: No, that's not it. Reg, do you have a crushhh?

Regulus: You idiot

Barty, yelling: Pandora, Evan, Dorcas, our evil and cold-hearted Reggie has a crush on POTTER

Pandora, Evan, Dorcas: Are you being serious rn

Draco, picking up the phone: Hello, Potter

Pansy: ....

Blaise: ....

Theo: ....

Crabbe from Hell: ....

Goyle: ....

Draco: My father is in Azkaban. He does not have a phone

Draco: Shut up, Blaise

Pansy: Ohhh who is it?

Blaise: I'll give you a hint: his name starts with a P

Draco: Oh, honestly, Blaise, do grow up

Pansy: Is it Potter?

Pansy: It's Potter, right?

Draco, blushing: Obviously, Pansy

Harry, from under his invisibility cloak: WTF MALFOY WDYM WTF

Harry: Oh btw I like you too

Harry: He was?

Ron: What did he say?

Hermione: I don't know. It was weird. Something about telling Harry that the grass is shiny and green like emeralds

Harry, blushing: Oh ok

Ron: Mate, why are you blushing?

Pansy, sarcastically: Woah, Draco, are you serious? I'm shocked

Draco: This is serious! My father cannot hear of this!

Pansy: I think he might already know

Draco: Did you tell him?!

Pansy: Draco, darling, all of your letters to Lucius start with 'Father, guess what Potter did today?' or 'Potter's hair looks he's just been fucked! Who would want to fuck HIM? Not me!' I think he knows by now

Sirius: It's an accident

Remus, flipping the page in his book: Sirius, you're still hugging me

Harry: I'm not

Hermione: You've yawned fifty times in the past three minutes. Do not lie to me, Harry James Potter

Ron: He was up all night stalking Malfoy with the Marauder's Map

Harry: I was not STALKING him! I was just making sure he wasn't up to anything

Hermione: Is that how you describe having a crush?

Draco: I HATE YOU MORE POTTAH

Harry: Let's go, you prick! Slughorn gave us detention because of YOU

Draco, huffing and following angrily: I will KILL you Pottah

Ron: Hermione, I have to go and save Harry

Hermione, reading: Don't do it, Ron

Ron: He's our friend, Hermione! Harry's my best mate. I need to go save him.

Hermione: I warned you.

Ron, walks away towards where Harry and Draco went: Harry, I'll save you-AHHHHH

Ron: Hermione, they're SHAGGING

Pansy, smiling: Awww, Draco's flirting

Blaise: He's literally shoving Potter against the wall

Pansy: Wait for it...

Pansy: 5...4...3...2...1

Blaise: WHY ARE THEY SNOGGING?

Pansy: Get me photos of Granger doing that cute little lip bite thing she does while she's studying and I'll get you a photo of Draco shirtless

Harry: I'll do you one better: Hermione in pajamas studying while doing the lip bite if you get me a photo of Draco shirtless and wet from a shower. Preferable with a towel wrapped around his waist

Pansy: Deal

Draco & Hermione: What are you two talking about?

Lucius, receiving ten letters at a time: What do you think, dear?

Narcissa: What topic is our son...talking about to you?

Lucius: The usual. Potter this and Potter that. He's very set on destroying Potter; I am proud. I received a letter yesterday night talking about Potter's eyes. Draco is very observant

Narcissa, sighing: Sure, dear. That's what it is.

Narcissa, opening a letter. The letter: Mother, Potter LOOKED at me today. His eyes are the brightest shade of green. They sparkle like emeralds when the sun hits them just right and-

Lucius: His birthday is July 31st, his favorite food is treacle tart, he spends an awful lot of time with Weasley and Granger, he plays Quidditch and the uniform hugs his form in a way that makes you just want to rip it off of him and shove him against the nearest wall-

Voldemort: Lucius wtf

Hermione: Yeah, Harry, go fuck Malfoy

Harry: Right? He's a self-centered git

Hermione: No, Harry. Fuck him

Harry, confused: Yeah, Hermione, that's what I just said. Fuck him

Hermione: No. Fuck Malfoy, Harry. Go

Hermione: We were worried. Why do you have a bruise on your neck?

Harry, looks at his neck in the mirror and realizes it's a hickey: Right. Yeah. Malfoy is such a git

Hermione: We should take you to the Healing Center

Draco, at the Healing Center: POTTAH YOU MARKED MY COLLAR BONE AGAIN

Ron: Mate, I thought you loved her

Harry: I like blokes

Hermione: I figured

Draco, walking over to the Gryffindor table: Did you drop the Weaslette for a guy you already had in mind, Pottah?

Draco, sneering: I bet you did. Such a player, Pottah

Pansy & Blaise: *Laughs*