haise sasaki, reporting for duty!

i dont evenknow being canon divergent is so confusing sometimes :pensive:

why the fuck did it take like an episode an a half to get back to the fact arima was dying and WHY am i tearing up . like if i were alone id probably full on cry i guess i really am kaneki alfja

can i just say how odd it is for me to know another kaneki his shifts are long and troublesome so knowing another one is good and bad bc ik they can relate but at the same time. im iffy with doubles. bc of the fact that he’s in the end, a big part of me that i just can’t deny anymore. repressing him for years was both good and bad but in the same manner that he had to accept his ghoul side and how sasaki had to accept the fact he’s kaneki, no matter how troublesome his shifts are i can’t drop him if i wanted to or not  at least i know that their canon is different than mine ^^;;  also the fact i don’t really get phantom pains for him makes me feel slightly invalid alkfja cause i. i know all of this. ive gone through the shock. i might slightly get stuff (ie. faint sensations of being choked or small coughs during those scenes) but like.... i have a more emotional response rather than a hurting one so i can and will cry if i watch the scenes with yamori if im alone but thats. thats all it is. it plagued me then but it wont anymore cause its just.. it. but maybe its just cause the anime doesn’t effect me much i know that reading the manga will do shit. but also i dont get many phantom pains. so all i have to deal with here is the feeling of my kagune being nearly ever-present but thats... easy. its easy.  also the fact i refer to him without saying me most of the time makes me feel invalid but thats what happens when you repress a kin for two whole years i guess,, idk theres just.  a lot. part of me just really wants to find hide and the quinx squad.... those guys mean so much to me you dont even know . but yeah this is all hard for me to accept and im not even sure WHY cause i have kins that are SO MUCH worse but when i look at it kaneki is.. idk. i feel that if i accept him he’ll become just as much of a main as kano is . maybe one day i’ll be better at dealing with others though ^^;; but my friends ok. shes the only one i really plan to talk to though even if i am curious, but thats cause shes fem kaneki