im sorry.
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@quinnrants
im sorry.

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One of the worst possible things about having bpd is having no sense of self.
Imagine going through life tied down to a total stranger. I am constantly changing, not knowing what I like or don’t like. I base my value on other people around me. Isn’t that so fucking pathetic? And there’s nothing to do that can change it.
I am a stranger to myself and nobody hates the way I am more than I do.
i hate getting jealous i hate it so much why cant they just hangout with me ?? why not me????
I hate being in between. Not actively suicidal, but hell how I want to die… I just want to vanish, disappear into thin air, I’m not strong enough to attempt… I wish I had though…
how to casually tell someone your in so much fucking pain 101.

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Yeah, thanks I am getting better (I'm lying, I'm getting worse actually)
i think everyone hates me actually
the feeling when you just wanna be alone and push everyone away so you could quietly kill yourself vrs the feeling of never wanting to be alone and just wanting to be held and told itll be okay even when it wont.
"stop making BPD your whole entire personality!"
it might seem crazy what I'm about to say

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I know I'm unlovable, I just sometimes like to pretend that I'm not
love that random extreme urge to block everyone and disappear
today has been awful lol. yeah i got a boyfriend yeah im happy about it but fuck. today has been a breaking point. like awful. bpd is actually so fucked up, i just wanna be happy but no instead i have to feel like dying instead... and i wanna tell him all this but im gonna vent the DAY i ask him out thats fucking pathetic and i refuse to be sene as clingy or like in other relationships have said to me "like im using them as a therapist"!
i just feel shitty and i dont know what to do.
i feel ill.
sorry I ghosted you I wanted to see if you cared about me and would miss me if I was gone
thank you for your constructive criticism. unfortunately, i have been sent into a rage which i will not mentally recover from for three years

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Sorry for having symptoms of a mental illness I literally told you I have it will happen again
I have bpd, of course I assume everyone is going to abandon me for no reason.