qfab

I’m not blaming you, I’m just thinking of the flashbacks. I’m afraid to ask what was so amusing, but should this ever happen again, maybe someone could try harder to convince me to crash on the couch. You know, so I don’t wander off and get dropped off at Beth Israel by a taxi driver who apparently thought I died in his cab.

There might possibly be some photographic evidence, but since I’m not in the business of blackmail, I’ll keep it just long enough for you to decide if you want a hard confirmation on any of those potential flashbacks.

No offense, but I never want to visit Chez Smythebray ever again. There’s a fine line between hard partying and being suicidal and I barrel rolled over it. On the bright side, we can now assume I’m indestructable.

No one forced that many shots into your hands, Santana, but I do have to thank you for making the evening and night...and morning incredibly entertaining for me.

I think I can squeeze an hour out of my oh-so-busy schedule for you, wifey.

I humbly request something with dark chocolate. For the sake of V-Day weekend.

Well sober!me and my assets thank drunk!you for your appreciation. Extra cookies for you in the next Insomnia batch.

New Amazing Race season kicks off on Friday. If you bring the cookies, I’ll make sure to chill the glasses and pick up a fresh quart.

I think my age is catching up with me…ugh…Hurricane induced hangovers are worse than going on a cocaine bender…

Well considering your hangover has broached 48-hours, I think you need to consider finding a new cure for the morning after.

She only brags about them in her sleep? I think I might need to be offended.

What does my sisterwife think?

Now we both know that’s not true. If she was the would-be-writer there would be verse-filled notebooks dedicated solely to your chest.

It’s been two days, and I still can’t remember what I did to get the beads I woke up with. And Sabrina swears they didn’t come from her.

I’m onto you, Miss Fabray…

Well according to what your girlfriend mumbles in her sleep, you have the best tits, and the best of anything deserves to be properly adorned.

thesensiblesmythe:

White it is, and impromptu Smythbrayeston snow day dance party starts now.

Sab, it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and you’re already going stir crazy.

Please, Sab, there’s enough in our collection to stick with white, which considering the conditions outside, is rather fitting.

[ PM ]

Yeah? You appreciate the snow-tousled hair yeti look?

↳ INSTAGRAM: @QFAB UPLOADED A PHOTO

Ladies, I’m gonna need to call on any favors I owe any of you, because I have been wronged and something has to be done. Those bastards at Yeast-i-Stat picked a ginger for their new commercial over me. Don’t they know the sacrifices I made for them for the other commercial? I was ridiculed for months!

So here’s what I’m thinking. We go to the manufacturing plant, spill some acid in the cream, millions of lawsuits are filed. Sure, it might mutilate a couple vaginas in the process, but they were already burning anyway, right?

I’ll offer up my services in narrowing down some defense attorneys on your behalf.

Never working again? No. Definitely not. Feeling the compulsive need to audition to make ends meet or try to tackle tacky survivor jobs? I could definitely do without that.

Yeah, the whole making ends meet thing is a bit of priority, huh?