Phae The Phoenix

It is very important to know yourself and be discerning with who you surround yourself with.

There’s many people who will choose you and not be a good fit for you. They choose you for how good you make them feel, how kind you are, how genuine your love is, and how giving you are. Everything you are able to give and not receive in return. The type of selfishness that wasn’t intended to be from a space of love, but a place of greed. This is why when you give, you’re left feeling empty. Without knowing what a healthy connection looks like, you can choose the wrong people for you too.

This is why you should love yourself, and learn more about who you are on a soul level so you can know in your spirit that a connection is worthy of your time, love, and overall energy.

Trust your decisions and your intuitions. Your body is a temple, and it knows you best. Listen to it, and allow yourself to be guided into living your best life, not your worst.

It’s hard to believe that Heaven isn’t all that we make it out to be. If I’m being honest, I don’t even want to go there. Why?! Even Heaven and Hell with pass away with the Earth. Heaven is on EARTH. It’s crazy people surround their lives around an idea that will eventually pass away. The very God you worship doesn’t even want Heaven to be forever. Why do people commit to a forever life of peace in a place that isn’t even going to exist in the end? Why not have peace now?

Am I laughing? Am I understanding the message now? Should I be living right now instead of this imaginary Heaven people shoved into my fucking mind? Oh, okay.

Thank you God for helping me see the truth because, honestly, striving for Heaven is exhausting. I don’t want to be perfect. I just want to be me and love the people who love me back. That is it. That is all.

*As I drunkenly and happily end this message on a highly divine and feminine day because fuck what society thinks of what I think. I know the truth because I seek it *

One thing about doing shadow work is the objectivity you have to have to do it. Not only are you moving waters that haven’t been disturbed (for who knows how long), you’re penetrating and stirring the very core of your souls expansion.

To clarify, I wake up everyday, wondering and assuming what the Matrix has for me to experience today. What challenges, if there are any, and how do I overcome?

I’ve been studying heavily about the 60th Gate in Human Design. It’s a mutative gate that pulses whenever it wants too. It’s a cyclical, powerful energy that is designed to mutate myself and those around me. Having Neptune there has bestowed me many gifts. I perceive reality a lot differently than others. It’s as if the spiritual is operating on a physical plane. Visible to my own eyes. Powerful as it is, this gate comes with depression, anxiety, and most of all, melancholy.

I’m an observer of reality. I’m observing myself and others, always. I perceive my emotions as either intuition or triggers that need to be healed. It’s trial and error at this point in my life but I’m definitely getting better at picking up my bodily awareness.

Observing everything I did yesterday, and the events I experienced today, I believe I was so emerged in my reality, that I didn’t even realize that I was going through a mutation.

Today, I woke up so distressed. I was in my head and everything immediately triggered me to the core. No exchange of words, just physical movement of others and my doubtful, perceiving, and intrusive mind.

Assuming the absolute worst of my current situation, because maybe deep down, Neptune caused this storm to show me that this is where my shadow lies. Where my waters begin to stir and instead of being penetrated to my core, I keep allowing the same thought to cause an emotional breakdown. Attracting storms that I could definitely avoid.

I had to sleep this energy off today. I put on some meditation music, did a small ritual, and went to bed. Affirming that the energy I wanted to let go of is finally being released from my spirit.

It’s been a long battle with this. This relationship with Spirit has shown me how deeeply wounded I’ve been that I can’t even allow the person who truly loves me the most to see my true heart. These walls and structures I built to protect myself from hurt in the past are now karmically turning back on me. Causing my own anxiety, my own depression when I’m not even experiencing the pain now in my current reality.

As I’m learning these lessons, my spirit does feel much lighter. I do not love the crying, the obsessive thoughts or the energy drainage because of it.

Im aware that it’s these very depths that I search and l commit to evolving that will lead me to my dream life and blessings. I truly couldn’t enjoy it with all these limiting thoughts and emotions in the way.

I’m on a journey of uncoiling and recoiling back again with new DNA, new light codes, and a new perspective on life.

I have to say, for a good portion of my life, more people have been more afraid to say what they want to say or think to me. I’ve rolled by without too many bruises but at this point in my life I need truth. No matter if it’s real truths about me, jealousy, envy, or pure hatred. Tell me.

No, tear me to pieces. Remind my ego that I am in fact human and I’m not above anyone. Even though I am god-like, I’m also a human with brokenness added into my spirit for growth purposes. Make me remember that this life is a balance of pain and love. Not in a toxic way, but the healthiest.

Truly, how can I ask of the healthiest when everything came from the darkest beginnings and turned into light overtime?

Remind me what it truly means to be a human in all the ugliest to the most chaotically beautiful way. I have to remind myself that life is already this way, so why not bask in the chaos and light. One cannot exist without the other anyways.

I’m not looking to be hurt, but the universe was already chaotic from the beginning. Why not accept life as it is and learn to love what we don’t actually love? Honestly, I’ve found more peace this way.

What’s an enemy? Literally doesn’t exist. Everyone is a part of God in my eyes. We have to remember that we are in fact beasts ourselves, we can’t blame anyone from acting from their animalistic tendencies. Evil is an attachment and it attaches itself to use through our beliefs, experiences and bloodline.

That’s why the Spirit of God exists. He knew we were beasts, already hungry to rebel and tear each other apart because it’s in our nature. He also knew that we had the strength to overcome. He created all of this anyways. Why wouldn’t He?

Life has been becoming more simpler to me. Subtract LOA, manifesting, reality shifting. We all want labels to label something for ourselves, but all there is, is what is. What exists now already existed before. Nothing is truly new, it’s new to us because in this time in existence, what has been lost is really being recycled and relearned.

This is what I have learned. This is what I see in my current life and journey. I’m only 26 with wisdom strapped to my heels and directing me into more lessons, more lessons, more treasures to attract.

To be a Divine Feminine in true essence, one must turn into the Phoenix and die many deaths to be purified by the Divine Fire of Consciousness and be rebirth into a new, evolved mutation of an realistic embodiment of Mother Earth.

Everyone has a path that leads to life, love and joy. A Golden Age where harmony and peace reigned. Women are the forefront of the evolution on this planet. Our Emotional Intelligence is what drives the creation and growth of our species.

To be able to ground ourselves when the water gets too heavy or when we are literally drowning and no one is there to save us. The power to be able to receive without effort. To be graceful. To be able to ooze pure femininity and sensuality. The power to nurture even through tough times.

We are the backbone, you hear me? We need to start acting more like it!

Women are all Mother Earth living out all versions of herself, the good and the bad. The weird, the unusual and eccentric too! We all know the different archetypes of women that roam the Earth. We all play a part as women to change the course of our lives and create magic. Our wombs are portals, endless and infinite to be be able to access to the Void. To manipulate the Matrix simply by being a woman.

I aspire to be an embodiment of what Mother Earth really wanted me to be.

Today, I created some worksheets I’ve been meaning to make last year as an effort to start my business and create some order around my house. I’ve been working with Kuan Yin, the Chinese Feminine Empress to escort me on my journey into my 3rd Porfection Year. I have the planet of Neptune in the sign Capricorn ruling my 2025. Obviously, highly feminine year for me.

I’ve been hitting road blocks along the way. Trying to put effort where I’m supposed to be receiving. It’s a learning curve for me, as someone who has always been masculine.

For some reason today, I created those worksheets in a breeze. I was having a hard time creating last year, over thinking, and over-perfecting to the point I stopped completely. Reflecting back on it, I was trying to pull something from the 4D when it wasn’t ready to manifest, hence the roadblock and frustration I was experiencing.

Today it naturally came into fruition in the 3D as if I had done it before. Not only that, this action was done in Capricorn season. The sign that’s ruling my year. (I see what you did there Universe lol.)

Like magic.

The way the action itself just flowed through me with no anxiety, worry, or sense of perfectionism. Just pure creation.

Today I got to mindfully bear witness to creation and pure feminine essence at its best. This is what I crave more of, flow. The need and urge to be completely and utterly feminine.

I love that for me ❤️

I’m not worried about no one or anything that is outside of my 5 person household. I want to see where I can take my growth when my focus is only on what’s in my daily life at home. My partner, myself, and my kids.

There’s a DR version of myself I wish to see and experience in my CR. She’s fierce, brave, self-empowered and spiritually ignited. I created her in my DR to overcome difficulties that I have in real life. From social issues, sexual, to literally changing my overall lifestyle.

I love being alone, but I also crave connection. I thought I found my soul family this past year only to realize that I was going through the trials and tribulations. I had to see how much I didn’t love myself and learn and attract the things that helped me love myself more.

One friend that I wanted to keep and take with me through my growth in life, actually can’t come with me. It took me a year to realize and see it, but I truly see it now.

I feel better being away from you. It sounds mean, and detached but it is true. You said you’d be there whenever I need you but I don’t need anyone. I intentionally want people in my life.

The fact that it unsettles my nervous system to think about being around you again is a telling sign to myself that we shouldn’t be friends anymore. You aren’t a bad person. I’m just a changed person.

I deserve a friend who vibrates on the same frequency as me. I deserve to be around someone that is filling my cup and not draining it. I deserve to be a friend to someone who doesn’t make me feel like I shouldn’t have problems. A friend that doesn’t perceive me as better than them, but as equals. A friend that doesn’t depend on gossip and talking about our problems to sustain the relationship. A friend that doesn’t need me to be around them, they can love and nurture themselves. A friend that isn’t borrowing money from me and turn it into a habit to make it a clutch for their “just in case”. I deserve a friend that doesn’t use last minute measures to keep a connection when my absence made them realize that they weren’t there for me as much as I was there for them.

No more having people dependent on me when it’s taking more from me mentally and emotionally than giving me anything in return. I’ve been unconsciously healing people my whole life and it didn’t nothing for me, simply because I was giving empathy and time to people who didn’t have the wisdom to keep me around. Honestly, why was I trying to be kept by people who really couldn’t see me and love me the way I needed ? As much as I love being a healer, a healer needs a protector.

My previous friends weren’t mentally and emotionally on the same page as me. Isolating from them made me realize that I enmeshed myself so much in their lives that mine felt like it wasn’t going anywhere. Their problems became my problems while

I was handling and dealing with my own issues. I gained wisdom and knowledge throughout the year, and I learned how I liked to love myself more. That was a benefit.

All of it, if not a majority, was mostly enjoyed when I was by myself.

The core principle of Creation is Love and Chaos. Anything you want to Create, the foundation has to stem from Love. Creation stems from chaotic conditions but it is Love that paves our way through.

I know this may sound crazy, but this is what I wholeheartedly believe in and operate in my current life. It works like a charm. Whether you are shifting to a dream/fantasy reality or genuinely shifting to be the best version of yourself, it still applies. Either way, you’d literally be shifting in both realities, that’s just how it works.

It can make it difficult to shift when you’re more focused on running away from your CR instead of just being and letting go. Allow your life to crash and crumble. We hold on to things simply because we think we need it when it’s those very things taking up space and blocking the things you’ve been asking for.

When you want a better life for yourself (DR or CR) you first had to understand and see the chaotic conditions you were actually living through mentally and physically. Your bad habits, social problems, body issues, subconscious programming and thinking. All of it. You think you can’t shift because of not doing a meditation right, listening to subliminals over and over,369 manifestations, etc when really it’s the very things I was just talking about beforehand.

Letting a person go, changing a habit, or detoxing in general could open up the space for you to be more open minded, relaxed, focused, and usher in manifestations or dream states effortlessly whenever you want. Mind and body connection.

If you can’t think or focus (Mind), maybe you need to listen more to your Body (Awareness) and what you put into your body and the people and environments you are around. I’m not telling you to completely change your diet and lifestyle, but there’s one thing you could let go that can lighten the weight off your shoulders and open more doors for you to explore different realities.