It wasnt your fault

You are strong

You didnt ask for it

No one gets to invalidate your experience

Shouting at them until they cry/retaliate.

Humiliating them in front of friends and family.

Refusing to let them see friends and family.

Isolating them from what's outside.

Refusing to let them have control over their own finances / keeping it all for yourself.

Belittling their looks, their personality, their thoughts, etc.

Bullying them in any way.

Purposely pushing boundaries.

Threatening them, either physically, verbally or emotionally.

Controlling what and when they eat.

Locking them in rooms so they can't escape.

Refusing to let them use the toilet/eat/sleep/etc. after or before a certain time.

Gaslighting them into questioning their own reality.

Lying to or manipulating the people around them so they look like the abuser.

Purposely breaking their belongings, especially in front of them.

Ignoring safewords/"stop"/anything that indicates they're not okay with what's happening (in general, not just in the bedroom)

Giving them zero privacy. That means going through their diaries, tracking them, attending their therapy/doctors appointments when they don't want you to.

Setting them up to fail for the sole purpose of getting to punish them.

Obvious favoritism of one child over another/the others.

All of these are things that I have personally been through. They contributed heavily to my eating disorder, my BPD, my anxiety and my depression.

When people order you to feel differently

“You need to get over it.”

Telling you how you should feel

“You really shouldn’t let this bother you” “You should feel thankful that…”

When people minimize your feelings

“It’s not that bad.” “You’re being over dramatic”.

Attempting to use “logic” to invalidate you

“Let’s stick with the facts” “There’s no reason to be upset…”

Passing judgement and putting labels on you

“You’re too sensitive.”

Making it your problem/isolating you

“No one else feels this way” “It’s not bothering anyone but you”

Trying to make you feel guilty

“I was only trying to help you…” “You’re bringing everyone else down with your feelings”

None of these things are okay. And while the person saying/doing these things may not intend to be emotionally abusive, that doesn’t change the effects these words have.

Your feelings are valid. Even if they don’t “make sense”. You deserve the space to feel them. While you should be mindful of how you handle them, you aren’t wrong for having them.