Don't look at me

I haven’t posted on this blog in five years, and will likely be the last. I just need to get my thoughts out there. 

For those of you that are confused as to what this blog is that you’re following, I used to be super into the AH fandom. I was a huge Ryan stan. This blog even used to be under the name ryan-haywood.tumblr.com before I stepped away from AH. I was even a pioneer of the freewood tag. You certainly don’t need to scroll far to find posts where I idolized the man. 

I’m absolutely disgusted, obviously. I support everyone who has been victimized by Ryan. He is a predator, taking advantage of inexperienced young girls and women, most of whom were mentally ill. He is a fucking predator. He is unforgiveable. Whether each of these cases were legal on paper or not is a moot point to me. They were all predatory, manipulative, and dishonest on Ryan’s part. I worry that we haven’t seen the end of victim testimony yet. I hope his wife and kids are able to get away from him and live a normal and quiet life. 

For every person he victimized, there were at least hundred more teens and early 20-somethings who idolized him in an unhealthy way, myself included. I added him on snapchat in December 2016 too. I was “lucky” enough to be in a committed partnership, and a little bit older. It could have been me, could have been any of us. 

I won’t tell you not to idolize someone, not to admire someone older and seemingly super put together. It’s easy to say that when I’m five years older than I was when I stopped watching AH content. It would be victim blaming. The onus is 100% on the 40 year old man to not manipulate vulnerable 17-22 year old girls/women.

What I will tell you to do, is to protect those that are younger and more vulnerable than you. Watch out for your friends. If someone you know is bragging about having a personal conversation with someone they admire, that’s a red flag. If someone close to you is suddenly going out of town or cancelling plans and won’t be open about where they’re going, that’s a red flag. If your little sibling or child is obsessing over the newest e-celeb, have a conversation about power imbalances and be a person they can trust. Circle the fucking wagons.

I will be leaving this blog open, I will not be deleting any posts. In a way, I think it’s important to have some kind of documentation of the culture and my own participation in it. My askbox is always open for commentary and as a listening ear.

Yes I did hear about it. I haven’t watched any videos in awhile and I’ve been staying off the internet in general lately, but I don’t actually live under a rock!

Like I said, I haven’t watched videos lately, but Ray seemed to be getting less and less excited about working there. It doesn’t surprise me all that much that he would eventually leave. Twitch is a better environment for people who want to play the games they want and not have that many rules, and for people who are not suited for regular daytime sleep cycles. Seems like a good fit for Ray.

Obviously if you ever followed this blog around a year ago, you know my feelings about Ray (you can check out my tag “#this is not a ray narvaez fan blog” for more details about my strong distaste for him). However, I feel as though I have also made it clear that Ray was only a part of my problem with RT/AH. It was more of the entire attitude of the AH crew and a good chunk of the community. Again, I’ve made dozens of posts about it, so I’d rather not go into it right away. 

i just heard the news and i have no further words that i can add to this conversation except that the world has had an irreplaceable loss. 

please take care of yourselves. i need some time away from the internet but i'll be on later tonight if anyone needs to talk. i'll try to check my messages occasionally if you can't wait until then. 

please please please PLEASE be respectful and tag appropriately and call out those who aren't. 

if you haven't heard the news about monty oum, please read burnie's journal and refer to the gofundme page for him/his family. i know the goal has already been met twice over, but if there's one thing i can praise RT/its employees on, it's charitability. if monty and/or his family end up not needing all of the money, i can say with 100% confidence that it will go to a worthy cause.

i know i have criticized him and rt as a whole, but he is a talented and dynamic guy. no matter how i or anyone else feels about monty, please know that his and his family's privacy needs to be respected, and that rumors & gossip belong in the high school lunch room and not on tumblr. 

Mark 2013: Hello everybody! my name is markiplier!

Mark 2014: HELLLOOOO everybody my name is marrrkibler