I love you, most aromantically

These are screenshots of messages I sent to my friend explaining how I *do* feel attraction. I am not going to describe aromanticism as the absence of something but rather the presence of something else.

T.w: // mentions sex

Text:

Message 1: So, attraction is very neutral to me. Like intense but neutral as in it’s not labelled. Labeless attraction. Things I feel when i’m passionately attracted to someone: the desire to have sex, the desire to touch them sexually, be really close friends, reciprocity of energy, which is basically I would like them to feel passionate about me. Message 2: I also use the words “in love” which encompasses everything I said above. So something that is a strong friendship with a strong sexual component, usually to me, means I am in love with that person. Now, this doesn’t happen often.

Also, in tarot I'm apparently associated with the card "lovers". T

It's my first Valentine's Day after a break-up, and I feel so relieved. I knew I was aromantic and yet there was this unbearable pressure to perform romance. It felt as if I were a monkey at a circus. On some level the dynamic was partly consensual but at its very core- it was not.

I did not consent to being insulted for being oblivious to romantic norms. I did not consent to being surveilled, questioned and projected upon. I had been so clear about being aromantic and I wrongly thought that would be enough. I did not consent to my ex-partner's constant drive to fix me, to compete with every other relationship in my life, to take up the entirety of (what was supposed to be) a shared emotional space with only their want for romance.

I had known so much. I had been so direct. I had been so clear. And yet. And yet. And yet. The alloromantic culture had its teeth inside of me in ways that are, quite frankly, a violation of my humanity.

I should never have tried to prove that I am capable of love, that I am capable of depth of feeling or care or non-heirarchal relationship patterns. I should never have given in to someone's constant demands for romantic performance. I should have never held myself to that standard.

I owe myself a huge apology. I owe myself forgiveness.

"I'm just a man looking for a friend with benefits. Really uninterested in romance or a romantic relationships."

I've been feeling down and out about being aromantic, so this is my little aromantic joy post.

F r i e n d s. I am so happy to see my friends, to have friends, to be with friends. I'm not looking for anything else, anything more, anything different. I'm here for you. I'm looking for you, friend.

Helping other people figure out that they are aromantic. The pure joy of seeing people come to terms with themselves. The pure joy of people realizing that they are not alone.

Non-traditional relationships. You get to create bonds that other people are blind to. You get to redefine words. You get to create a new way of life. When you are not bound by tradition, you can make your own.

if you're allosexual then: Sex. With. Your. Best. Friend. Without. It. Being. A. Whole. Thing(TM).

Fucking good relationship advice because of years trying to understand what makes a relationship work and what doesn't.

Why must everything be romantic? Why do you need to have someone to kiss under a mistletoe? Why do I need to go to festivals with a partner? Why do I need to have someone to kiss at New Years? I'm so sick of it. Every holiday season (especially because I don't celebrate the holidays) I am reminded of how often (always) people will choose their romantic partners over me. How can I ever become okay with that? How can I come to terms with this realization. /Gen