I believed that my graduate school experience was going to be something completely different from what it is. I thought I would be in an environment that would foster my growth, but I feel like it has only stifled it. I find myself more lost about everything than I ever have. I have no direction (not that that’s not okay). I just thought that I would have a certain relationship with my supervisor. I thought I was going to have a role model. I have been left to my own devices. Although I have proved to myself that I can do almost anything alone. I can complete my Masters on my own. I can live on my own and take care of myself. I can get through almost anything without relying on anyone else. I still feel like I missed out on a whole experience and that is truly disappointing. Now I am ending my Masters and I have no opportunity in my field of choice. Its hard not to feel like this was a waste of time. I also decided I was not going to continue, but as I start to think about leaving I am not so sure. I wish I had someone that believed in my abilities and pushed me to pursue more. In my mind, graduate school was going to give more support and guidance than I got in my undergraduate degree. Turns out it was the opposite. I am so lost. I feel like I have done all this work with nothing to show for it. If I continue in academia am I always going to feel like I am under supported and constantly in a competition for attention? If I leave academia what will I do? I feel like I have nothing to show for any of this. Also the thought of moving back to Calgary with nothing is so disheartening. I just do not know.
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