queenofeverythingjs

NOBODY FUCKING TALK TO ME.

Me: *eats*

What a sad fucking life. To do nothing but suffer and then turn around and say "ha yay I did it lol" ... To do literally nothing, offer nothing to anyone, change and help no one, just sit there and cause yourself to suffer. And think you're winning in life... That is a VERY frightening place to be in and even harder place to crawl out of. A very sad, tiny little world to be in.

Triggers in recovery are normal as fuck. I get those often. I feel sad for the numbers I gained. The clothes I no longer fit. People around me talking triggers nonstop. Seeing someone who is obviously disordered is triggering and it's normal to think "remember the days? I should go back" ....

Back to what? Purposeful suffering? And literally NOTHING else? Because?????

I have to remind myself I do not want my only skill in life to be self sabotage. I do not want to only know how to hurt myself and nothing else. Because I'm capable of other shit and I have other skills and I can give more to those around me when I'm an actual multidimensional human being and not just a darkened smear in the background of my own life.