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A compilation of ridiculous things my and my friendsโ muses have said to each other via wire rp. Change pronouns/etc. as necessary.
tw for light drug mentions, violence mentions, other non-PG shenanigans.
โ Iโm going to fight [name]โs boyfriend and none of you can stop me. โ
โ Uh, I think the fuck not.โ
โ Heโs a menace to society. โ
โ Respectfully โฆ or not, idc, your kidโs being a little bitch. โ
โ Come sort your kids out, theyโre being little shits again. โ
โ This is all your fault [name]. โ
โ He said I look like a chicken. โ
โ All of you are dumb as fuck. โ
โ Why are you getting banned from Applebees, bro? โ
โ Weโre all consenting to this ass-kicking. โ
โ Are we about to Hunger Games fight for the family spot? โ
โ No one asked you low-grade John Cena. โ
โ Watch your mouth chicken shit! โ
โ Jokes on you Iโve been bullied my whole life this is nothing. โ
โ Maybe one day the crazy old dude will snap and try to drown yโall. โ
โ [name] is the brain but on cocaine. โ
โ Not your business. Only cool shit allowed. โ
โ We know what he allows over there, donโt we [name]. โ
โ Forgot how to use a condom once. Voila. โ
โ No one here understands shirts apparently. โ
โ Shut up noodle arms. โ
โ I asked you to have my back and you chose chaos. โ
โ What kind of fucking shoes? โ
โ You can full government name me all you want. โ
โ There can be no peace. โ
โ Sorry [name] I donโt speak stupid. โ
โ He stole my dad, there is no mercy. โ
โ I had a cute little bum and great hair. โ
โ Takes one to know one. โPlease senpai [name], notice me! Shut up. โ
โ [name]โs about to McFreakin Lose It I can sense it. โ
โ Am I the drama? I donโt think Iโm the drama. โ
โ Goodbye now [name] Iโm over you. โ
โ You canโt quit me. Iโm like an unwanted baby.โ
โ Childhood trauma said otherwise. โ
โ If yโall had just let me fight him in the damn Applebees parking lot. โ
โ Even though I didnโt do anything wrong, Iโm sorry about what happened. โ
โ Please come snap my neck. โ
โ Ew you and [name] are going at it. Thatโs gross. โ
โ This family is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE. โ
โ You donโt get a tattoo for someone like that unless youโre whipped. โ
โ I pray for that boy. โ
โ Iโll be sure to personally deliver these to your boyfriend. โ
โ Itโs okay dude. Itโs just a box of condoms. Donโt let it get to you. โ
โ Toughen us up? How? In the bedroom!? โ
โ Just take the trauma and get it over with jfc. โ
โ Wrap your willy before you get silly. โ
โ Iโm choosing to ignore that bullshit altogether, thanks. โ
โ I just wanna know what theyโre scheming about, so Iโm scheming.โ
โ I see simp, I say simp. โ
โ Canโt believe โJiffy Lubeโ is the name of an actual company. It just sounds like someone found an alternative, horrible use for peanut butter. โ
โ โYouโre so dramaticโ yeah I just watched my brotherโs dick get called a fucking aubergine. โ
โ I will bludgeon you with a crunchwrap. โ
โ Talking bad about myself is so fun dude. I hate that bitch. โ
โ [name] kicked me in the dick. โ
โ Did you touch [name]โs boyfriendโs nunchuck!? โ
โ What did she say? Does that mean โbitchโ? I feel like it means bitch. โ
โ Does that mean Dracula was a secret fuckboy in the italian translation? โ
โ Headlight right to the dick. He deserves it. โ
โ Youโre offering to let him kick you in the face? โ
โ I just said you shouldnโt fight a bear, youโre the one that made this personal. โ
โ Iโm gonna hit [name] with my car. โ
โ WHY DID YOU INSTANTLY BLAME ME!?โ
โ [name], tell me you donโt like [name] more than me and weโll be good. โ
โ I donโt know what [name] wants, my dick kicked or a kiss. โ
โ A couple of virgins pointing fingers. โ
โ [name] and her boner can shut up. โ
โ Heard you had sex. Congrats you virgin. โ
โ Who are you swapping pants with? โ
โ No, not murder. I think. โ
โ First you think Iโm mafia, now you think I have a ninja army? โ
โ Baby powder is a hell of a drug. โ
โ The other 20% is we all actually get along pretty well. Usually when weโre doing cool power rangers shit. โ
โ Iโm gonna choke him out. โ
โ Would you be upset if I physically fight your father? โ
โ You told her to get DUREX? Iโm going to kill you. โ
โ [name] be strong! Do it for Voltron! โ
โ You have violated the Geneva Convention I hope youโre happy. โ
โ Cโmon [name]. Be there for your girlโs first weenie experience.โ
โ Iโm so horny and angry all the time. โ
โ Iโm a short king so shut that down. โ
โ Any catastrophes today? Do I need to cause another? Itโs too quiet. โ
โ If there are no problems I will make myself a problem. No one is here to stop me. โ
โ So the In-N-Out makes you jealous, but not the fact that I said I would tattoo [name]โs name on my ass in italian? โ
โ stfu you had a tiddy tat for your ex. โ
โ Now itโs a tiddy reaper thanks. โ
โ You guys wanna commit arson? โ
โ Iโm not smart enough to leave. โ
โ The ancient philosophical question. How much simp should a good simp simp? โ
โ idk sounds like you just expressed intent to choke me. โ
โ I told a short joke and you made it about feet! โ
โ โFragile princess feetโ sounds like you know them intimately and I couldnโt blow past it!โ
โ Never use the word โintimatelyโ in my presence again! โ
โ Iโm gonna go get banned from Dennyโs you can either come with me and enjoy the chaos or pick me up afterward before the cops show up. โ
โ Because I am a wholesome innocent boy. โ
โ I guess I could shove some paper down his throat. โ
โ Fuck inflation, am I right? โ
โ Iโm in your house bitch. โ
โ Iโm tying your socks into a chain. โ
โ Iโm the hot girlfriend? Thatโs so fucking cool man. โ
โ Stubborn gremlin, Iโll tell [name] to stop feeding you after midnight. โ
โ Squeezed my ass through this hole and idk how Iโm gonna get back out. โ
โ Good morning, satan. โ
โ Your son did, bitch. โ
โ So? Iโm a bad person! โ
โ Right line wrong person, bromeo. โ
โ Donโt โlolโ me. โ
โ I feel like youโre trying to sneak in a lesson here somewhere but all I can think about is becoming an attack helicopter. โ
โ You put condom balloon animals all over my room! โ
โ Head empty, only angry, confused, and somewhat horny feelings. โ
โ Yeah look at you, with your fucked up internal organs. โ
โ Iโm not insane I just ate an entire box of mini muffins by myself. โ
โ You had to get the most phallic looking one? โ
โ I did get kidnapped btw. โ
โ โuh, safeโ doesnโt make me feel better bestie. โ
โ Jedi never get shit done anyway, they just sit and argue. โ
โ I made napalm by accident. โ
โ Itโs the international emoji for ass. โ
โ Thatโs a cry for help if I ever saw one. โ
โ Whatโs a sugar daddy but like, the wholesome version? Fairy godmother? Can I have one of those? โ
โ That is an unholy combination of words. โ
โ I will literally fight you on your birthday idc. โ
โ The primary concern is what I refer to as โthe Applebees effectโ. โ