i'm not girly little caroline anymore;

You can’t. You can’t do anything for me, Stefan. So just please don’t. Just…..don’t- As Stefan heard the words leave Caroline’s lips, he placed his hands casually in both pant pockets and kept his distance from her. The vampire tilted his head down and pressed his lips together but said nothing for a long moment. Silence filled the air and all you could hear was the rapid wind moving. After a long moment of silence, Stefan let out a sigh as his hazel green eyes were staring at the ground below his feet. “ Caroline I will leave you even if it hurts me but  just please explain this to me. Tell me how I missed this, explain to me why do you have a thing for me” Very slowly Stefan’s eyes shifted upward and he took a few steps closer to Caroline.It felt as if no matter how much the two of them tried to move forward from this topic it always came back to them. “ One of my favorite things about our relationship is we have always been able to be honest with each other. How am I supposed to help you get through this or take away this hurt I have unintentionally caused you if you don’t explain this to me. You’re the best person I know which is why you’re my best friend. When I  thought I lost everything, you were there for me. You picked up the pieces and somehow put them back together and for that I am forever grateful, but we’ve always just been friends, nothing more which is where my confusion is coming.Please don’t be upset with me, talk to me Caroline.”  Stefan said as a look of concern once again appeared across his face. The vampire could feel his guilt beginning to overwhelm him Had he led Caroline on for all these years. Had he been hurting her and finally she couldn’t take it. Caroline was an amazing woman in every way possible. She was sweet, kind, maybe a little too bubbly sometimes,had a beautiful soul and when he was around her everything felt good. When Caroline was with Stefan he’d forget all the pain in this life and he almost dare he say it, become fun. Stefan loved Caroline in more ways than he probably would ever be able to describe or even understood himself, but one fact that remains is more than anything he wanted Caroline in his life. The thought of losing her was crippling him and it hurt him knowing he couldn’t do anything about it. Stefan had never even considered Caroline as more than a friend, she was almost like another Lexi to him. The vampire reached his hand out and grabbed hers as he brushed his thumb against her  two index fingers and softly spoke. “ Please just talk to me” 

Was he seriously asking her that? Why did she have a thing for him? She couldn’t believe this. She looked at him quick and didn’t even think twice about her response. “I don’t.” It was such a quick answer that you already knew she was lieing and she was pretty sure that Stefan knew it as well but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to talk about this thing with him again because it was going no where. Now he was just insulting her because if he didn’t know how she felt now, would he ever? It seemed like everything Caroline had said to him didn’t reach him at all. How could he not know why she liked him? Well, if he wanted to talk about it, then fine. She would tell him everything that he wanted to hear from her. She turned her whole body around to face him. “What kind of stupid question is that, Stefan? Why do I have a thing for you? I don’t know, Stefan. Maybe it’s because I thought you were worth having a thing for. Maybe it’s because when I woke up as a vampire, you told me that I would get through it and with YOUR help, I did. Maybe it’s because when I watched Elena move on with your brother, I couldn’t imagine why she would ever let somebody like you go. Because I trusted you. Because you were practically my best friend. You were there for my mother’s death when nobody else was not even my closest friends. You defended me and stood by me when I slept with Klaus while everyone else judged me. And I know Stefan that you don’t feel it back. I know that. Because if you did, you wouldn’t have walked away. And you know, I don’t hate you. I don’t hate you for any of it. I don’t hate you for not feeling it back or for even still being in love with Elena because let’s face it, you are. Even though I can’t understand why. She has literally done everything wrong to you and yet you still stick by her. And that’s your choice. But if you think I’m going to really stand here and watch the guy that I fell for be in love with my best friend, then you have it wrong. Because I won’t. And I deserve better than that.” Caroline practically told him the speech that she had been waiting to say for months now and she was so glad that now Stefan would finally know the truth of the way she felt. After she was finished, she looked at him, with a serious look on her face but that quickly turned into a weak one the moment he touched her hand and held it. She couldn’t pull it away as desperately as she had wanted to. Because it just felt right being held in his. It made her feel so safe and protected. She just wished that she didn’t have to let go because sooner or later, she would have to. But right now? She wanted to feel his touch. She wanted him to grab her hand and hold it. But at the same time, she didn’t want this to be because he felt bad or because he felt sorry for her. She would hear what he would have to say next and then she would decide if she would be the one to walk away this time.

While Tyler had always respected her decisions and choices it didn’t mean that he agreed with them. Most of the times he didn’t agree with them but that was why they worked because no matter what they decided the other always showed their support. Granted there were a few times when they could have listened to each other about what a bad idea doing something reckless could be but at the end of the day there was never the ‘I told you so’ there was only love and support. Tyler couldn’t imagine a life where Caroline wasn’t there in his corner and vice versa and yet do to things beyond their control it would seem like that’s the life they were heading for. “You’re welcome.” He replied and gave her a small smile which was a lot more than he had done in the months since leaving Mystic Falls. However smiling around Caroline was always easy and that moment was proof of that. He of course couldn’t look at her for longer than a few seconds and after her admission of being unable to shake him it only made it that much more difficult for both of them. Thye had both moved on, he was forced to move on when he found out about her and Klaus and now it seemed like she had moved on too. Tyler, of course, didn’t blame her. She was free to live her life and love whoever she wanted and so was he, but every time that he was around her he couldn’t help but wonder how different their life had been had he not gone off to get revenge on Klaus. Maybe things would be different or maybe not but the wondering and the what ifs always seemed to take over when he was close to her and maybe that was another reason why he stayed away. Tyler was good at hiding what he felt but he wasn’t sure if he was good enough to hide it for too long. “That’s an understatement.” He chuckled still not really looking at her. “A few years ago our hardest decision was who we were going to homecoming with and now… now we’ve lost friends and loved ones.” He turned finally to face Caroline “What have you been up to in the last few months?”

For so long, Tyler had been the one that Caroline considered to be the love of her life. She remembered the night that she had asked him to walk away from Klaus because if he walked away from her, it would be over. Just like that. There would be no coming back from it and because of it, she had done a real stupid thing and slept with the enemy. She couldn’t believe herself that she had done it but it was done and she had to live with her decision. But knowing the way Tyler felt and how he looked at her afterwards? It made her feel so guilty and it made her feel bad. Caroline regretted that decision. She hated herself for sleeping with Klaus and for betraying Tyler. But it wasn’t fair that she kept getting judged for her it either so that’s when she decided to walk away from Tyler. Not just as the former love of her life but also as her friend and someone she had known for years. It seemed like they were both past that now though even if she knew that he hadn’t really forgiven her. And if he didn’t then that was fine, there wasn’t much she could do about it now. In a way it made her think what if she never slept with Klaus, would she be with Tyler now? She didn’t know but she knew for a fact that it was over between them. They were still friends but it wasn’t the way it used to be. She took a deep breath as she looked over at Tyler. “Mostly trying to heal from my mom’s death.” She looked away and onto the ground as she spoke. It was still really hard talking about her mom. “I thought that after months that passed that I would be okay. Like I would still hurt but then I wouldn’t hurt as much. But I’m still hurting and this feelings that I have. This emptiness in my heart, it’s always going to be there. I’m never going to stop missing her, you know?” She looked over at him, finally being able to open up. “She was my best friend. She was the person that I was able to talk to. And now? I have no body.” She told him, honestly. Tyler was possibly the first person to hear Caroline open up in what felt like months besides Stefan. And it felt good to get that off of her chest. She needed to.

Actually, no. You can’t. And before you even start thinking it, I didn’t come here to see you.- As the words left Caroline’s lips. Stefan could hear the annoyance in her voice. His  hazel green eyes shifted themselves upward as he saw his  friend crossing her arms against her chest. If Caroline wasn’t so upset with him, he’d probably let out a small laugh, but there was no need to upset her more than she already was. The vampire rolled his neck to the side as he tried to hide his annoyance from her as well. Stefan was growing tired of being yelled at by Caroline. It seemed  it was very rare that the two could have a cordial conversation, but regardless he would always try his best to be as kind to her as he could. The vampire pressed his lips out and let a sigh escaped his mouth before speaking in a very stiff tone. “ I know that Caroline.That was not what I was trying to imply ,my apologies.” Stefan said as his eyes fell down once again and looked at his knuckles that were scraped up. The vampire folded his hands together and closed his eyes briefly for a moment as another sigh escaped his throat. “Mystic Falls is a  small town, you and I both know that it is almost impossible not to  run into someone you know from time to time.” Stefan slowly stood up and slid his right hand in his left pant pocket. “ You are welcome to take a seat, I should probably get back anyways.” The vampire said politely while still stiff in his movements. As the breeze blew  against Stefan’s face  the vampire’s lips curled against the cool air.Stefan began to walk forward until he stopped midway through his tracks. He stood silent for a good minute before speaking in almost a whisper. “ I hope you know I just want you happy Caroline,  You’ve been through so much pain, especially this past year and I know I couldn’t save your mom and for that I’m sorry. I couldn’t even save Elena…..” As the last words began to trail off, Stefan closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think  about any of this let alone talk about it, but he’d do it for Caroline if it gave her comfort, reassurance or whatever she needed for her to be okay “.I may sound like a repetitive broken record, but it’s true. You will always be my friend Caroline and I just want to see you smile like you use to. I want to be able to take away all your pain, but I don’t know how to do that if you don’t let me in.” The vampire said as he lifted his head back up and turned his glance towards the blonde who was still standing a good distance  away from him.“ Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it”

Caroline felt bad. She felt so bad for the way she was acting towards Stefan because he wasn’t just anyone else to her. He was HIM. He was Stefan. The amazing guy that she had been calling her best friend for years now. The glue that always held her together. And now? It was as if they were strangers. It hurt her to know that this was the way it had to be but she needed to accept it. As hard it was, she HAD to accept it. He was apologizing to her? After she was the one that was being rude to him? He was being so respectful and kind even though she was being a complete and utter bitch to him and he didn’t deserve that. “Yeah, sure. It’s fine.” She looked away because she couldn’t face it. And it was so hard for her to be mean because he was being nice and just how was she supposed to act after that? “You’re right. We’re bond to run in into each other. We just need to accept that.” She shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t want to keep standing there and talking to him because that whole friends thing was only going to become worse. As she watched him stand up, she moved to the side because it looked like he was going to leave. “You don’t have to go. I was just passing through. I thought I heard something so I thought I’d check.” She really didn’t want him to leave because she came because that would be unfair. As she heard Stefan speak when he was half way gone, she turned around, hair flipping back and looked at him. “I am happy, Stefan.” That was a lie. She wasn’t. She was torn apart but she couldn’t let him know that. “And I know. I know you couldn’t. Sometimes not even the heroes can save us.” She slightly smiled because it was true. She didn’t want Stefan to beat himself over the fact that he couldn’t save her mom or her best friend because that wasn’t his fault. If it was up to him, they would both still be there and living but it wasn’t. She didn’t want to hear that part though. She couldn’t hear it again. “Please don’t, Stefan. Please don’t do this again. It’s hard enough seeing you again knowing that we aren’t friends anymore. Just don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Caroline told him quietly but loud enough for him to hear. She really didn’t want to fight with him again. But when she heard him speak again and the words that came out of his lips, they were touching her. And she couldn’t do it. If she heard anything else, she would get weak and he made her complete vulnerable. “You can’t. You can’t do anything for me, Stefan. So just please don’t. Just.....don’t.” She didn’t know how else she was supposed to tell him. He needed to just keep walking. He needed to walk away from her like he did the first time even though she hated to think about it. Even though she was so upset and mad at him for walking away, he just needed to keep doing it now.

A home was supposed to be the place where you go when everything gets bad, but instead Stefan’s home is where all the bad comes to. Time and time again he had told himself to leave but somehow he had always found a reason to come back. Though initially Stefan would blame it on is friends constantly contacting him, especially after he thought he lost his brother for good, the vampire knew he could never really leave this place. Though Mystic Falls brought Stefan so much pain, pain he wished he could forget or memories that would be easier blocked out ,Stean also met some of the most amazing people;  here, so it couldn’t be so bad.As the vampire stared at his blank cream ceiling, above his head, thoughts of confusion entered his mind. It had been weeks since he last spoke of even had seen Caroline, it was a weird feeling to have someone be in his life for so long and then all of a sudden they are gone.For so long Caroline had been his constant, even more so than Elena whether he wanted to admit that to himself or not. It was quite a similar feeling to when he lost Elena. Elena had been his rock through the hardest points in his life, but there came the day when she no longer felt that way about him and the two gradually just drifted apart.  Stefan didn’t just lose his girlfriend, he had lost his best friend. Though losing Elena broke his heart in more ways than the vampire could ever describe, Caroline picked up all those pieces. Caroline was there for Stefan and now to know that the one other person in the world that he would do give up his life for wasn’t there anymore, it stung him like a dagger. it almost felt as if he was suffocating a slow and painful death. Very slowly he slid out of his bed and decided to clear his mind. The vampire walked into the wood alone and after a good fifteen minutes he spotted a broken tree branch and took a seat. As Stefan sat there, he  smelled someone approach him; he knew that smell, it was Carolina. The vampire pressed his lips inward and pivoted his head to the side before shifting his eyes down to the grass below his feet. “ Is there something I can help you with” He said harshly. 

It was weird how for the past week Caroline didn’t talk or even bother to call Stefan. It was like a routine that she did every day. She would call him or he would call her and they would meet up and hang out because that’s what best friends did. But they weren’t best friends anymore. They weren’t even friends anymore because that’s what Caroline had told Stefan that she wanted. And because of it, he walked away from her. He walked away from her and that hurt Caroline more than she ever thought it would. Because Stefan wasn’t just anyone to her. Yes, he was the guy that she had fallen for and felt so strongly about but he was also the person that kept her together when everything else fell apart. He was the one that was there for when she turned into a vampire. He was the one that stuck by her side when things with Matt and Tyler didn’t work out. He was the one that was there when everyone else judged her for sleeping with Klaus and he simply didn’t. And he was the one, the ONLY one that was there for her when her mother passed away. Caroline would not have been able to get through any of those things if it hadn’t been for Stefan. But that was the past and she needed to move on with her life as if nothing happened. Her mom was still gone, Stefan, he wasn’t there for her anymore, Elena had just gotten back and she couldn’t even talk to her about this. Especially not when it had to do with her ex boyfriend and she was dead. How could she just say this to her? And Bonnie? She couldn’t talk to her either because she had enough going on as it is. The one person besides Stefan that Caroline always had was her......mom. But she didn’t have her there anymore either. Caroline thought that she healed from her mother’s death but she hadn’t. She never would and now she would have to face all of that pain alone. Earlier in the day, Caroline had gotten a call from the town council who had told her that they were dedicating a bench to her mother. That put such a smile across her face because her mom deserved that. She deserved that and so much more for everything that she had done for their town. She was such a amazing person and Caroline could only hope to be like her. And so Caroline didn’t waste another second. She was walking along the woods in order to get to where the bench was but before she could even get there, she heard something and naturally she decided to see who or what it was. But maybe it wasn’t the best idea because who was it that she had just spotted after a week of avoiding him? Stefan. The walk he spoke to her was harsh and it was completely mean. But maybe that’s just how things were supposed to be between them now. Caroline crossed her arms against her chest and gave him a whole lot of attitude. “Actually, no. You can’t. And before you even start thinking it, I didn’t come here to see you.” She wanted him to know that because she didn’t. She didn’t even know he was going to be there.

I would rather not talk about this.

When Caroline pulled her hand away from Stefan’s, Stefan casually slid it in his pant pocket and shifted his neck down. A soft sigh escaped his lips  before he spoke. “ Because I care about you Caroline. If I can protect you, I’m going to.” Stefan said softly. The vampire pressed his lips together as he closed his eyes and just stood there for a moment. For the past couple of years, she had been such a significant part of his life and he couldn’t imagine her not in it, but if that was her wish then he’d respect that. Stefan closed his eyes  but continued to stand there, only this time in silence. After a long moment passed, the vampire let out another sigh before reopening his eyes.” These past months have not been easy for anyone, but I’m not going to let anything happen to you as long as there is air in my lungs, You do realize that outside of whatever this is right now, there is a war coming and you can’t just go walking around the forest alone. You have to be smarter than that.You could of gotten hurt. Do you understand how amazing you are? You’re the most amazing person I know and I love your strength but it doesn’t mean your indestructible. How do you think I would feel if something happened to you? That would of killed me. That thought is not something I will ever be okay with” Stefan said as he shifted his eyes up and  locked them onto his friend “ I understand your hurt and I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want, but that does not mean I don’t care about you. I care deeply for you, but it’s not enough and I understand that. I’m just sorry our friendship wasn’t enough for you ” A small teardrop streamed down his cheek.The vampire looked at Caroline as the features on his face had now formed into a frown. How they got here was still a blur to Stefan. How they went from being buddies who helped each other with their blood lust to not even being able to have a decent conversation broke Stefan’s heart. When Stefan lost Lexi, a huge part of him died and though Caroline was not Lexi when they became close that pain didn’t hurt so much anymore. She brought him warmth that he never thought he’d feel again.As Stefan looked at Caroline all he could see was that they were broken. Caroline was miserable and she didn’t need him anymore. The vampire looked at her one last time and walked away without saying another word. 

“You can’t protect me anymore, Stefan. And I don’t want you to. Just stop making this thing harder than it has to be.” She didn’t know what else she could say to him. Didn’t he get that him being there for her, being the knight in shining armor and the hero wasn’t going to make her feelings go away. She couldn’t be near him and if that meant she had to sacrifice their friendship then that was something that she would learn to live with. Caroline looked at Stefan weakly when he called her amazing. How did he not realize by him calling her that and being the bestest friend and guy in the entire world was what made her fall for him in the first place? He wasn’t helping it. “Stop...”, she trailed off. She couldn’t listen to him anymore. This was already so hard for her. “I get it, Stefan. I know that what I did wasn’t a smart thing because of what’s coming but I needed to clear my head. And I’m a vampire. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. You know that. I appreciate you looking out for me and protecting me, I do. But you can’t be that guy for me anymore. You can’t be there saving me every single time because it’s going to be hard for me to let you go. This is already hard enough and I wish so much that things didn’t have to be this way but they do. You’ve made me so happy these past few years. Being my best friend and my number one constant and I’m going to miss you.” Caroline looked at Stefan one last time before he walked away from her. This was it. Their friendship was done. Caroline was letting the most important person in her life walk away from her all because of the way she felt. She let Stefan Salvatore walk away without saying anything and maybe she should have but she wasn’t going to. She couldn’t. And so she would stand there, letting tears fall down her face and wait for a few minutes before she left. Or maybe she would just spend the night outside crying her eyes out and hating herself for what she had just done. For letting Stefan walk away and for losing her best friend in the entire world. She failed. Again.

“It has and i’m sorry for that. I didn’t mean to get so distant it was just hard to adjust when I got back…I didn’t feel like me, you know?” Bonnie nodded in response when hearing her reason for being out in the woods. The question of whether or not she had seen Elena was playing at her lips, but if by chance she hadn’t, Bonnie didn’t want to be the one to spoil the surprise.”So did you happen to see a certain someone today?” The excitement was hard to contain and she found herself smiling from ear to ear.”By someone I mean Elena.”She blurted.

“You don’t need to apologize, Bonnie. I felt the same after my mom died. I shouldn’t have turned off my emotions but I just couldn’t deal with it.” Caroline wasn’t the type of person to just shut herself off when things got hard but losing her mother was a whole other thing for her. She just wasn’t able to deal with what happened. Her expression soon changed from sad to happy when Bonnie brought up Elena. Caroline smiled brightly at her best friend and nodded. “”I did. I can’t believe she’s actually here but I’m so glad that she is.” Talking about Elena made her feel happy and that was a mood that she needed to be in.

“ No, please talk to me, Caroline. I just don’t understand where any of this is coming from. Help me understand. It was never my intention to hurt you, you should know that  and if I have I’m genuinely sorry. You’re a very dear friend of mine, perhaps my best since Lexi, which is why I’m I’m perplexed. Why is being friends such a bad thing?” Stefan asked in his confusion.This was his last hope of understanding where Caroline’s mindset was. Once upon a time it could have been argued that Stefan understood Caroline better than anyone, which was one of the reasons the two of them worked so well together; maybe even better than he had worked with Elena but as of recent it almost felt as if he didn’t know his best friend anymore. One of Stefan’s favorite things about his relationship with Caroline was it was it had never been complicated; in fact it had always been the opposite of that which is what he needed but now it was anything but simple. The vampire’s frown was still present across his face as he looked at  his friend. It was very clear to Stefan that Caroline was hurting and it hurt him in more ways than he could describe to know that he was the reason behind this hurt. He never wanted to hurt Caroline; she meant a lot to  him, but the vampire wasn’t sure what to do. It seemed everything Stefan  tried only upset Caroline more. Whenever Caroline was around Stefan she seemed almost miserable and that was the last thing that Stefan wanted, she didn’t deserve that; especially after the death of her mother. Stefan tilted his neck down as his eyes fell with it and let out a soft sigh. Silence filled the air for a long moment until Stefan finally spoke in almost a whisper. “ You out of my life is the last thing I want but if that makes you happy then so be it, that’s all I have ever wanted for you.” The vampire stepped away and just as he was about to speak again he could smell an an unfamiliar scent. Stefan pivoted his neck around and looked in the distance for a moment before reaching his hand out and grabbing Caroline’s without thinking. Mystic Falls had a history of danger that followed and it often caused them all to be in trouble, which is what ultimately led to Elena’s death. Though Caroline and Stefan may not be on the best of terms and maybe she doesn’t want his protection, but Stefan  isn’t going to do nothing. The vampire wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he lost another important person in his life,he  couldn’t handle it again. “ We have to go now and  I’m not taking no for an answer”

“You have got to be kidding me.” She couldn’t believe what he was even telling her right now. He didn’t understand where it was coming from? If he didn’t know, she wasn’t going to bother explaining it to him. Caroline didn’t know how many times she could tell him how she felt before he got the message. But he did get it because he KNEW how she felt. He just didn’t feel the same and now she would just move on and forget about it. But he wasn’t letting her. He wasn’t letting her move on and she couldn’t understand why. His Lexi. He didn’t understand that it’s not what he wanted. Of course she loved being his best friend, the person he went to for advice but she did not want to be the person that he came to girl advice anymore. Not when Caroline wanted to be THAT girl. It would kill her and even though she was being completely selfish by letting him walk out of her life because of it, it was just something that she needed to do. It was what was best for her. Caroline didn’t know when it happened that she started seeing Stefan differently but it had changed things between them and now she knew they couldn’t just go back to the way they were. She couldn’t just stop feeling what she felt and just be his best friend again. Maybe one day she could. Maybe she could move on once she found someone but that day wasn’t today and it wouldn’t be for a long time. The more he spoke, the more frustrated it made Caroline. Did she want him out of her life? No. Did it make her happy? Of course not! It was pissing her off that he thought that she actually wanted this. That it actually made her happy. If that’s what he really thought, then he really didn’t know her at all. “Do you actually think THIS makes me happy, Stefan? Not having you in my life isn’t something that I want. But I can’t look at you as my friend because that’s not what you are to me. You don’t get it. You can’t get it. And that’s fine but don’t ever say that you not being in life makes me happy because it doesn’t. Okay?” She was starting to feel like she was going to snap and she really hoped that Stefan walked away from her before she did because she didn’t want to fight. Before anything else could be said, Caroline heard Stefan say that they needed to leave and before she could even answer, he pulled her by the hand and they were out of the woods just like that. When they reached somewhere safer and Caroline noticed that everything was fine, she pulled her hand away. “Do you mind telling me why you just did that?” She knew that something was about to happen which was why Stefan did that but she still didn’t ask him to.