Blair Waldorf

B: Your cousin suggested that I get you to bite my tongue.

Merry Christmas, sweetheart.

(Tiffany & Co. Ziegfeld collection black onyx necklace)

(Tiffany & Co. Ziegfeld collection four-row pearl bracelet)

N: Well a pin a rose, as the saying goes.

N: Done. I already Instagrammed Svetlana too so I like the continuity.

N: I must be off my game. I missed it. You wouldn't rather talk to Peter though; that isn't an innuendo, that's an insult and a blatant lie.

N: Bite your tongue, woman. Or better yet, have my cousin do it for you.

B: I'm quite special, obviously.

B: Yes, because God forbid any disorganization when it comes to the false information of your new wife.

B: Yeah, I can tell.

Have a safe and barely violent holiday shopping season.

N: I'll rebound eventually. He's a pain in the ass.

N: Alright fine. Well I can call her Claudia the Junk Stabbing Whore or Svetlana the Russian Mail Order Bride. Which do you think would sound better in the official press release?

N: You know I'm not actually going into family law, right? I'd rather /be/ Peter.

N: Strike that, it creeped me out. I'm all out of sorts. This trip will be good, provided we don't do anything to trump the stupid.

B: Not to me.

B: I think Claudia's more of an intimate, bedroom name, so I'd stick with Svetlana for the press release.

B: You know that I was actually making an innuendo, right? I'd rather be talking to Peter at this point.

N: Well to be fair, I usually am the smart Vanderbilt.

N: Wait. You mean /wife/ isn't a pet name?

N: I think we're going to just ride it out. Wait until I'm done with school and I can score us a low-pro D.

B: Not the case anymore. After this, you dropped behind Peter.

B: It would be, if we were in the sixteenth century.

N: Yeah, that was me.

N: I know. But you're gonna have to get in line for that pep talk, sweet cheeks.

B: And to think I took you for the smart Vanderbilt.

B: Save the pet names for your wife, darling.