GOOD GRIEF, WHY AM I MADE THIS WAY?

basic information.

name: ilya grigoriyevich rozanov.

age: 17 to 30+. origin: russian | moscow, russia.

gender: cis male | he/him.

sexuality: grayromantic bisexual.

psychiatric issues: obsessive-compulsive disorder, antisocial personality disorder with borderline traits, complex post-traumatic disorder.

a study in: the abandonment schema, running away from a life you're meant to have, a son is like a wife who can't leave, empathy is a muscle that can atrophy, you can't give a fuck about everything, the perpetual cycle of self-hatred, bearing the guilt and blame of association, defecting a country that will kill you.

canon-divergence and portrayal notes.

all ilya meta will be posted on homotia, tag can be found here. when not interacting with a HR muse or a character who is not shane hollander, i will default to my own shane portrayal and same goes vice versa. however do not that in my rules, it's not always possible that my interpretation of both shane and ilya will automatically connect well with someone else's. that's okay and it happens.

by all means, i am not russian and therefore not pro-russia. my research and study of russian politics and cultural history is to provide a more immersive context to my interpretation of ilya's character that is a blank slate from the books alongside his family information and how it would affect him as a person in his formative years. in my recent research and re-read of the source material, it is glaringly obvious that his narrative contains heavy themes of defection from the russian state especially as a child of a man in some political sphere of power as part of the police force connected to the ministry of defense. the criticism unfounded on claims of HR as being russian propaganda are baseless, performative and insulting in which they blatantly mischaracterize ilya's entire character arc.

this blog does not support stigmatization nor quirkification of cluster b disorders. while abusive behavior can be caused by mental illness, it is not the defining traits of what makes a cluster b disorder. that being said: my ilya has a habit of guilt-tripping, suicide baiting and gaslighting due to having learned behaviors directly from grigori and eventually metabolizing them into his personality. this is often a common result of the cyclical nature of abuse, and while ilya is actively aware of his own actions it does not mean he will always take accountability for them when he feels that he is justified in acting out and trying to take back control for himself when he believes that he is being unjustly suppressed by others. this is a flaw that is seen in his rampantly avoidant behaviors in an effort to protect himself.

far cry verses are affiliated with @saverot.

verse | hope county. ilya rozanov is a rookie junior deputy of hope county, hired on a whim, expects a boring life after an impulsive decision to quit his hockey career to be in the middle of fuckass montana where he would inevitably shoot himself in the head. instead, he finds himself deeply embroiled in the ministrations of a militant doomsday cult intent on indoctrinating him into their rank and file— and he has no interest in joining this american insanity.

verse | new dawn. ilya rozanov is a broken man, ilya rozanov is a dead man. he does not recognize himself in the mirror or the water's edge in a post-nuked hope county. seventeen years spent in perpetuity with some of it in a bunker stuck with a cult leader in religious psychosis takes a number out of you. ilya rozanov, no longer the junior deputy, holds himself hostage and takes shelter in the newfound eden's gate settlement as its judge who is more so an urban legend than he is person and intends on rotting away until he stops breathing entirely. that is, until a familiar face with a spatter of freckles across his nose shows his face at the gates— shane hollander, now captain of security, is back in his life.