What now?

ooc; okay, so long story short, I’m dropping Paine. I think it’s reached a point for me where I’ve just become so disengaged from her and everything feels kinda stale, not that it’s anyone’s fault cause it’s not, like I’m not really breaking new ground with headcanons or any particular direction that I wanted to take with her, to the point where I don’t enjoy roleplaying her anymore. 

So after roughly 5 years, I’m stopping. I can’t say if it’ll be forever or what, but for now it feels like the right thing to do. I’ve made some great friends and some great memories along the way.

ooc; okay, so long story short, I’m dropping Paine. I think it’s reached a point for me where I’ve just become so disengaged from her and everything feels kinda stale, not that it’s anyone’s fault cause it’s not, like I’m not really breaking new ground with headcanons or any particular direction that I wanted to take with her, to the point where I don’t enjoy roleplaying her anymore. 

So after roughly 5 years, I’m stopping. I can’t say if it’ll be forever or what, but for now it feels like the right thing to do. I’ve made some great friends and some great memories along the way.

ooc; okay, so long story short, I’m dropping Paine. I think it’s reached a point for me where I’ve just become so disengaged from her and everything feels kinda stale, not that it’s anyone’s fault cause it’s not, like I’m not really breaking new ground with headcanons or any particular direction that I wanted to take with her, to the point where I don’t enjoy roleplaying her anymore. 

So after roughly 5 years, I’m stopping. I can’t say if it’ll be forever or what, but for now it feels like the right thing to do. I’ve made some great friends and some great memories along the way.

ooc; okay, so long story short, I’m dropping Paine. I think it’s reached a point for me where I’ve just become so disengaged from her and everything feels kinda stale, not that it’s anyone’s fault cause it’s not, like I’m not really breaking new ground with headcanons or any particular direction that I wanted to take with, to the point where I don’t enjoy roleplaying her anymore. 

So after roughly 5 years, I’m stopping. I can’t say if it’ll be forever or what, but for now it feels like the right thing to do. I’ve made some great friends and some great memories along the way.

Paine was tempted to go and sit beside her friend but only managed to walk to her side and stand there. Her gaze drifted out towards the sea again. There was something so calming about the waves drifting in and out. “That…makes sense.” She said hesitantly. She knew that made sense, but there was still a part of her that was wary. If he disappeared once, how little would it take for him to disappear again? She didn’t want her friend to go through the same heartbreak. She couldn’t bare to ask though. Perhaps that was a question for Rikku.

It was at Yuna’s apology that Paine finally found it necessary to sit down next to her. One leg bent up at the knee, the other stretched out in front of her. “It’s not Rikku’s fault.” She didn’t blame either of them for not telling her much about it. It was no-one’s fault. “It’s not her choice to share it.” Just like it wasn’t anyone elses. It had had to come from Yuna. Paine could understand why the blonde had resisted to tell her that much. They had all lost someone close to them, Yuna included. It couldn’t have been easy to talk about it.

Then again, the only two people that could’ve told her about it was Yuna or Rikku. Paine had only a handful of run-ins with the High Summoner’s other guardians, so it didn’t feel fair to expect them to shed any light on the situation. Not that she had figured to ask either.

“I know.” Her tone was almost solemn. It still felt a bit strange though. There had been times throughout the week just past that she felt like an outsider. Like someone watching an intimate reunion that wasn’t meant for her eyes. While the others had been welcoming and accepting of her, she felt like there was something missing. It was the closeness. It had been like the bond that she had shared with Nooj, Gippal and Baralai had once had and that the Gullwings shared. She didn’t feel like she had that with Yuna’s other ex-guardians.

Her lips pressed together as she formulated the right words. “It’s going to take a bit of getting used to, that’s all.” A shrug fell from her shoulders as she glanced over at her friend.

   “Maybe it won’t take as long as you might think,” Rocking into the warrior’s shoulder with lips drawn into a sideways grin. “It wasn’t all that long ago that I joined you guys—I remember feeling the same way as you do now.”

   Somehow their lives had managed to intertwine so tightly; each with their own share of painful pasts and uncertain futures. Maybe that’s why they’d grown so close to one another—came to depend on each other…even now…with all of that behind them. It’s what she wanted to believe when looking ahead; all of the tomorrows still yet to be had. Now all that was left was to convince her friend. Adjustments were never easy and she was sure, in time, they would look back on tonight and laugh—find it silly that it was ever a question or a bother.

   “Believe it or not, I was worried you wouldn’t like me,” Resting her chin in her hand while stifling an airy laugh. “When we first met, all the way up to when things started going wrong; I know how you feel about me now, but, back then? I wasn’t so sure…”

   Staring out at the starts speckled against a pitch black sky, watching as the moon cast a silvery glow atop the darkened ocean, she let a sigh escape along the sea breeze. Sometimes people tended to forget—things that may have seemed so minor; the title of High Summoner didn’t change who she was, and still very much is: a young woman of nineteen…trying to find her place in the world among the rest. With fears, doubts and insecurities just like everyone else.

“Oh, I didn’t for a while. I thought you were just as annoying as Rikku was.” She teased. While her expression was deadly serious, there was a twinkle of amusement in her eyes. “Truthfully, I was slightly nervous. You were, are, the High Summoner. I thought your reputation would proceed you.” Not only was she around people she barely knew back then, but working with the High Summoner was something else entirely. She would’ve had to have been living under a rock to not know who Yuna was. She had also been dealing with a few issues, so that had made her feel a little more reserved.

As they lulled into a small silence, Paine ran a gloved hand through the right side of her hair. The breeze seemed to dance over her skin. It was a nice feeling. Not too many places in Spira had such a feeling for her these days.

Oh, shit. 

Despite his laughter, it felt like a bucket of ice-cold water had been dumped over her. Whatever expression had been on her face previously dropped off as she stared at the man. She was taken aback, which was surely seen by her body language. Paine amended herself, her expression going back as neutral as possible. Her first instinct was to attempt to shove a sword through his chest but she restrained herself. The only time she had met the Aeon had been when he had attacked her, Rikku and Yuna during their time which the Gullwings. Her fingers twitched. She hoped he would at least be slightly understanding towards her expression.

“How…” The word came out a lot more stilted and accusatory then she wanted. She let out a deep breath and started again.

“How are you here?” This time will be a little less anger in her voice. “I thought you’d…” She waved her hand, unsure of how to describe it. She wasn’t even sure how it properly happened before. “Gone. For good.” Something to do with the Farplane and Shuyin manipulating it into bringing the Aeons back. As far as Paine was concerned, they were supposed to be resting peacefully in the Farplane.

He supposed that it would be jarring for something that was supposed to be long gone to appear again. In any case, her skepticism and reaction to his name wasn’t something strange to him, even though he would gladly tell her just why it was he wasn’t sleeping like the rest of his fayth brethren.

“Whatever god reigns over this world gave us a chance to wander if we wished. For someone like me, who gave himself up to be a fayth as a young child, I wanted the chance to be free again. While I can do all that I could when I was bound to Yuna initially, and when I was regrettably not myself, it is likely not something you will see unless I am threatened.” He had no want to turn some creature into ash, and even less to fight any of the admittedly large creatures that seemed to think that they were invincible. It seemed to be too much to ask for to live his second life in peace sometimes…

Much less getting everything cranked up 10 when Shuyin screwed with the Farplane...

She couldn’t blame him for wanting a second chance, an attempt at a normal life. But they had sacrificed themselves to become fayth in the first place. There was an inkling in the back of her mind that asked if it was forced into it or not. But that wasn’t the point here.

Paine knew very well that looks could be deceiving and that all probably wasn’t well with the two of them, but that’s how it looked. From an outsiders point of view, she wasn’t privy to their private conversations, nor should she be. To her, it looked  fine. It looked like they weren’t having trouble getting back together and while a large part of her was immensely happy for her friend, there was a tiny voice in the back of her mind spewing with questions. And a hint of anger, which probably stemmed from confusion, if anything.

She didn’t press on what Yuna first said. She was aware that maybe it still stung a little bit too much to talk about. But the ‘us’ part. “You mean, Wakka and the others?” Lulu, Rikku and Kimahri too most likely. She knew who Yuna’s other guardians had been, that much had been obvious from their travels but Paine had heard before that. It was hard not to. Pretty much everyone in Spira knew who High Summoner Yuna’s guardians had been. Paine included.

Now she was finally getting her answer. The answer she’d yearned to know for what felt like an age but kept her mouth closed on. For Yuna’s further explanation, she listened quietly and her mind was slowly putting two and two together. The fayth’s reappearance finally made sense. What had happened finally slotted into place. While it wasn’t the full story, it was enough for her to finally have an explanation.

It was only after Yuna fell silent and Paine was sure that she wasn’t going to say anything else that she finally piped up. It was hard to find the right words. “I see..” She started, her eyes downcast. It was true that maybe she’d made a judgement before knowing all the facts, but with Yuna and Rikku both dancing around the subject, how was she supposed to know any different? A hand went up to brush through the back of her hair. “That makes a lot more sense then what I originally thought.” Which wasn’t much, in all honesty. At least she knew he hadn’t up and left her.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. Both of you.” It gave her a new perspective on the situation. She knew now, which was good. “Thank you for telling me.” It was then that she looked back to her friend, a soft smile on her lips.

   “Well, yes, but everyone else, too.” Moving to sit along one of the dunes. Her feet dug themselves into the sand and arms wrapped around her knees, staring up at Paine. “Like yourself, or the guys. There are so many people I want him to meet—people that have come to mean so much to me.”

   There was a hint of laughter as she spoke; a piece of her want to keep him to herself, but she knew that wasn’t likely as well as selfish. Once they were settled and comfortable, there was no doubt in her mind he’d want to venture beyond Besaid and see how Spira had changed—and she wanted to show him. After all…he helped shape it into what it’d become. And it would be different from the last time; with no threats looming over them, no Sin and the world safe, they would be able to find so much joy in it.

   But then came her friends expressions of understanding after so much unknown to her. Professing as much with an apology that she hadn’t needed to speak. If anything, it was she who needed to apologize for keeping something so important hidden away; even more so after prying into Paine’s history and secrets.

   “I…should have told you sooner. That’s more my fault than Rikku’s—I suppose she was just trying to protect me,” Shoulders gently shrugging as lips curved into an apologetic smile. “We did the best we could in the time that we had, you know? And it hurt—not just myself—but those closest to him. I’m just glad we’re all together again.”

   That went for Paine, too! It just wouldn’t feel the same if she hadn’t been present. In fact…she wasn’t sure she could picture their lives in a world where they didn’t know each other. The warrior was a staple of everyday life—had been for what felt like an eternity—and anything short of that was unacceptable to her.

It was at Yuna’s apology that Paine finally found it necessary to sit down next to her. One leg bent up at the knee, the other stretched out in front of her. “It’s not Rikku’s fault.” She didn’t blame either of them for not telling her much about it. It was no-one’s fault. “It’s not her choice to share it.” Just like it wasn’t anyone elses. It had had to come from Yuna. Paine could understand why the blonde had resisted to tell her that much. They had all lost someone close to them, Yuna included. It couldn’t have been easy to talk about it. 

Then again, the only two people that could’ve told her about it was Yuna or Rikku. Paine had only a handful of run-ins with the High Summoner’s other guardians, so it didn’t feel fair to expect them to shed any light on the situation. Not that she had figured to ask either. 

“I know.” Her tone was almost solemn. It still felt a bit strange though. There had been times throughout the week just past that she felt like an outsider. Like someone watching an intimate reunion that wasn’t meant for her eyes. While the others had been welcoming and accepting of her, she felt like there was something missing. It was the closeness. It had been like the bond that she had shared with Nooj, Gippal and Baralai had once had and that the Gullwings shared. She didn’t feel like she had that with Yuna’s other ex-guardians.