悪い女

twenty-six, firebender, former general, fire lady.

“for you, the future fire lady.” what you had asked and waited on all this time.

“and as always, you thought correctly,” a smile snuck onto her face once again, brightening her features ever so slightly. “oh, what i would give to live inside your brain for just one day, just to see what kind of thoughts are spinning around in that handsome little head of yours.” an over-dramatic sigh accompanied her playful words. however, they didn’t hold much truth to them; if she was being honest, she knew full well that his mind was probably just as dark of a place as her own. swiftly, she washed those thoughts away.

suddenly, akane’s facial expression became serious. “you really don’t have to apologise. the state that this nation is in right now ... is anything but stable. so, you not visiting me sooner is nobody’s fault. the only thing that matters is that you are here now.”

when he revealed the dagger from behind his back, confusion washed over her for a quick moment. but then it slowly dawned on her.

“you remembered.” her words were nothing but a mere exhale, her eyes fixated on the present. “you really remembered.” her slow shaky hands reached for the gorgeous dagger but before she could really get ahold of it, akane’s features practically drowned in her own tears.

she hated crying; she especially hated the fact that she had been crying almost daily for the last couple months. but this time, her tears were not a product of grief or sadness or despair. they were a product of the purest form of happiness and gratitude a person could feel. 

“Akane,” Their first name basis easily rolls off the tongue. He purses his lips and meets his eyes with her, hoping she understands his meaning when he continues to speak. “I fulfilled some of my promise to you unexpectedly… A measure for a measure.”

seeing yoonjae this distraught tugged at her heartstrings.

over the last couple of weeks the two of them had grown accustomed to each other, with every conversation they shared becoming more and more relaxed until she finally felt completely at ease in his presence. she was thankful for him; for having someone in the palace she could blindly trust. 

she had always seen him as a man who always stood tall, as a man who always knew what to say and did so with pride. secretly, akane had deemed him a person to look up to: the way he carried himself was of a special kind of elegance that she could only wish to achieve. and yet, in this very moment, he looked more like a lost school boy.

akane didn’t know just what it was that plagued his mind but ever since their eyes had met at her wedding ceremony, she knew there was something eating him alive. and she was determined to find out what it was.

yoonjae’s words didn’t get a reaction out of her for a couple seconds. quietly trying to put the puzzle pieces together, she wondered what he meant by ‘fulfilling part of his promise to her’. what promise had that been? had she already forgotten? a measure for a measure— just what was he talking about?

you fucking piece of shit, i hope you die. i hope you die a death as brutal as can possibly be. i hope you never get to find peace in the afterlife; may you burn in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity. 

hideous thoughts echoed in akane’s mind, clear as day, one after another, gradually becoming more cruel by the millisecond. pure hostile fiery rage filled up inside of her, swallowing her whole until there was nothing else left. the fury quickly forced its way out of her body, through her fingertips and released onto everything in her sight until everything surrounding her turned into ashes.

and just as abruptly as it came, her anger disappeared, finally allowing grief to take its rightful place in akane’s heart. 

why me? — the ever-present question still lingered deep within her conscience.

she grieved the life she lost that night, the woman she had been and the happiness she had once been able to call hers. she grieved the future she could have lived, the woman she could have become, the happiness she could have obtained if the universe had allowed it. 

she grieved the body once untouched by him, the body who had still been her own. but most importantly, she grieved the once pure mind of hers, untainted by the people she was now supposed to call ‘ family ’.

then, in a moment of despair, akane felt the need to write a memoir no soul would ever read.

father,

at last, i have finally made you proud. 

i know exactly how much you always wished for me to take a meaningful rule in this society and how much you resented me for never wanting to be of significant importance. 

it seems the universe has granted your wish instead of mine. to me, this proves that you must have been a better person than me. 

in honour of you, i have decided to take on this role that was handed to me by the fire lord himself. in honour of you, i have become the fire lady of this nation. and in honour of you, i will do whatever it takes to guarantee this nation’s prosperity.

unlike you, mother has always told me that i was mentally and physically stronger than most other people. when the fire lord announced our engagement, she had said that there was a reason as to why i was the one who was chosen out of all the other noble women. she had said that i was going to bring great success to our nation and great honour to our house. back then, i couldn’t find it in myself to believe her but now that i am several months older, i do believe that her assumptions might have been correct. 

soon enough the ink on the piece of paper became almost unreadable as it continued to mix with her unexpected tears.

i hope that the afterlife treats you well and that you are able to see all the things i have done for you and will continue to do for you.

and if that is truly the case, if you are able to read the words i write, i want you to know that i have forgiven you, for i finally understand why you did the things you did during your living days. 

i aspire to be like you.

signed, 

“i can say the same for you.” the smile that accompanies his words is wry, voice echoing off the empty corridor regardless of the way he tries to quieten. he thinks he can count on a single hand the amount of times he had seen akane in the last few years, on a finger the amount of times he had seen her smile and he can’t find it within himself to blame her. 

chaeyul doesn’t quite know what it feels like to be in shackles yet, but he imagines the bondages of an unwanted marriage feel much too similar. “the hari bulkan seems to have stolen your proclivity for smiling, or do i just evoke this response from you?”

i can say the same for you.

akane’s eyebrows rose at chaeyul’s words, indicating that she was somewhat surprised by them. one could even go as far as saying that there was a hint of amusement in her eyes. having been so wrapped up in her own thoughts for so long, she had long forgotten that everyone around her perceived her just like she perceived them. there were still people who thought about her, people who compared her past self to her present self only to find that the two were nothing alike anymore. 

for some reason, that realisation alone brought her a sense of comfort.

strangely enough, the words that followed his previous ones brought a slight smile onto her face. akane knew it was true-- she just didn’t really feel like smiling was appropriate for the situation she had found herself in. lately there had been hardly any moments that she had had a reason to appear even slightly cheerful.

“so, am i not smiling right now?” her question was rhetorical, making the smile on her face grow ever so slightly. “i don’t think anything or anyone could ever permanently steal the signature smirk off my face.” but they could minimise it, that was for sure.

leaning forward, she poked his forehead with a swift hand movement. “you, on the other hand ... you’re getting some wrinkles on your forehead. you should really stop furrowing your eyebrows that often, it’s going to make you look old and ugly.” she tried desperately to lighten the mood by cracking a joke, trying her best to bring them back to easier days when they were sneaking out to go on innocent walks.

( . . . )

then, in the dim yellow glow of candlelight, chaeyeon smiles. sharp like broken glass. it cuts across her lips like a gash, oozing nonchalance. “how have you been?”

akane could hardly contain her emotions as hari bulkan grew nearer and nearer with every passing second. hesitantly looking out of the palaquin’s window, she tried to remember the last time she had set foot in the royal palace. was it the late fire lord’s name day? no ... was it the coronation of chaeseong? maybe. she tried to dig through her own memories, tried to remember, but for some reason everything had been wiped from her mind as if it had never existed in the first place. and for a second there, she doubted everything she had ever experienced. ever since akane had decided to enter the military as a general, it was difficult to tell what was a dream and what was real. it was hard to recount the events that had happened over the course of the last year, for it felt like ten years had passed. 

as soon as she had been informed about chaeyeon’s return, akane decided it was time to go back to the nation’s capital as well. during these times, it was uncertain to know whether your loved ones were going to be there for much longer or whether they would succumb to the brutalities of the world, just like many others had. chaeyeon had crossed the general’s mind often when she was in the military. she wondered where she was, how she was, what she was up to, whether she was in good health ... she just couldn’t wait to take a look at her friend’s face again. 

akane knew the timing was odd, that it was way too late to pay the new crown princess a visit, especially unannounced. but it just had to happen, she just had to see her face to ease her own mind. it was selfish. that much she knew, but she did not care.

when the two women are finally face to face, akane tries hard not to let her emotions overtake her whole being. only about a year had passed since they had gossiped at chaeseong’s coronation; they had only gotten one year older and yet both of them looked like they had aged several years instead.

the general managed to suppress her feelings until she entered the other’s chambers. then, all hell broke loose.

“general,” a small smile accompanies his greeting as he bows his head. it doesn’t quite reach his eyes and he spares her the unnecessary formality in his next breath, “it has been a while, akane.” we have been… busy. “what have i missed?”

akane had been overjoyed when a maid announced yongha’s arrival at the palace. feeling so alone and detached from the rest of the world, she couldn’t wait to finally see another familiar face; especially a face as incredibly familiar as his.

she had spent many evenings thinking about him and wondering whether he was alright. she had spent many nights dreaming about their past interactions dating back years ago. she often found herself thinking about how she used to look up at him; something that had never changed. even when she was a general and he was her subordinate, she still secretly looked up to him. it seemed like some things just never changed.

when he appeared in the gigantic hall, akane’s lips turned upwards. a smile. finally, a genuine smile. eager to close the distance between them, she ran up to yongha like a little child running up to their family at the end of a long day of being away from home. throwing her arms around his neck, she held her breath. for some reason, she was scared that this was all just a dream that she would wake up from any second and he would be gone and she would be all alone again in a room far too big for a single person.

but the seconds passed and he stayed right where he was. it was too good to be true.

“ it has been too long of a while indeed. ” she whispered as she finally pulled back. “ what you missed? ” her laugh echoed off the walls. “ quite a bit, i would assume. how come you haven’t congratulated me on my engagement yet? ” akane wanted her voice to sound playful, but there was no way she would ever be able to make jokes about the position she was in and actually mean them. 

( . . . )

“lady takao…” she lowers her voice and stretches her arms dramatically, making the girls around them giggle. if not the fighter, she is always the jester. “you are brave to face me, young maiden.” it is almost impossible to bellow it without bursting out into laughter. she’s copied the script line by line from one of the street performers nearby her old shelter, his low budget puppet shows a fond memory of her past life (and great inspiration, apparently).

“you may not know me yet… but oh, you shall!”

i hope the minister doesn’t find out about this.

that was everything akane could think about as she took in the sight of the girl in front of her. everyone at the fire academy for girls knew full well about the pair’s frequent bickers; it always seemed like they could never hold a normal conversation without it ending in a heated discussion about something that, in the grand scheme of things, did not matter in the slightest bit. saebyeok was like a sharp knife knowing exactly where to pierce akane’s nerves to get a response out of the young girl. every single word she spoke was yet another trap.

and yet, akane fell for it every single time.

it was common knowledge that every fun situation could turn serious within seconds when it came to akane and her irrational mood swings. what started out as a fun tussle could quickly turn into a brutal brawl. most of the times it was verbally-- since physical fights were not in akane’s interest for it was definitely not her forté.

too bad that she had gotten herself into a physical fight this time around. luckily, firebending was allowed.

in contrast to saebyeok, she was not one for overly amusing words, so she just nodded in reply.

Yoonjae purses his lips, biting back a heavy sigh. "One more thing… forgive me of asking,” He places his arms behind his back, straightening his posture. “It seems you speak and think highly of love. Tell me… is your heart, too, enamored with another? Shall I also have to worry over your side ventures getting in the way of duty?”

akane nodded in agreement. “ peace is all i want. ” her gaze met his a nd her lips turned upwards into a weary smile. “ i have seen what it means to live in an unstable country; i have seen what it is like to live during times of war and i have witnessed the war first hand during my work as a general. believe me when i say … peace is the only thing i want for our nation. and believe me when i say i will do anything in my power to keep the little peace we have left. ”

his words forced a chuckle out of her. “ we can’t all be heroes, my lord. some of us are selfish, some of us put ourselves first and everyone else second. i am not afraid to admit that i am one of those people— but i do understand that it might be difficult for you to understand why i reacted the way i did. i don’t think you and me are too similar. i know you would have done everything a lot more elegantly than i have. ” she sighed deeply. “ but everything is said and done now. i have made my choices. i just admire you for … well, almost everything. it is wise to decide that you do not want to waste your time on pointless romance. it’s probably for the best. ”

“ some things never change, do they? ” the brunette’s grin widened as she considered his words for a few moments. “ keeping my ears and eyes open, just waiting on somebody else’s downfall … it seems like i have done so all my life. is it really all i’m good for? ” her tone of voice was playful, yet there was a slight hint of sadness behind her veiled words. then, she decided to be serious once and for all. “ i understand. ”

“Per your request, you will be made privy to war plans exclusively. Nothing else will concern you. I will not consider your words any further than that. You will play my amicable spouse. You will smile. You will look happy. I cannot speak to you evenly; as I said, I have tried. You’ve given me no apology, extended no olive branch beyond you tempering yourself after I threatened to burn you alive. There will be no wars inside our home because we will not speak beyond whatever information applies to your first stipulation. If we are married, it is a desecration to everything matrimony might stand for. Not a symbol of our unity. If I die, rejoice; I’m free of you. If you are not content with any of this, you will learn to be. Am I understood?”

at this point, akane was far too exhausted to argue with anything he said. 

instead, she remained silent and looked right past him, blocking out any sound he made. she felt like there was no use in listening to him speak on and on about the same things; there was no use in trying to make him understand something he would never have the capacity to even if he lived another million years.

she was tired and so she stood quietly, making eye contact from time to time so he wouldn’t realise that she was in fact meeting him with utter ignorance. she knew that it didn’t matter what he was saying or what she would say in response to that, it didn’t matter how much longer they would shout and hiss at each other. after all, in the grand scheme of things, this very meeting was of no significance. it seemed like this conversation would never bring any of them any further and if she continued to add fuel to his fire, they would continue to burn until one of them decided to extinguish the other. and if she was being honest, she didn’t think it would be too pretty.

nonetheless, a couple of his words reach her ears despite her attempt at ignoring every single one of them. she just couldn’t help it. takao akane had always been interested in what people that had more power than her had to say-- more precisely, she had always been interested in how she could use those people to her own advantages.

then suddenly, her ears pearked up. finally, she thought. finally you’re saying something that means something to me.

akane couldn’t help but smile.