Claire last name initial B as in Bye gotta run

Apparently, enough sleep is not what I need right now but sanity. That’s why I’m here. It’s been a long while since the last time I started typing stuff here. 

The previous day was going back to me like a blur. But I enjoyed it. I had things to do for most of the hours.. I didn’t exactly planned out things but somehow I manage thru it.. I should be having my quiet time now but I knew there’s just something I need to let out here.

I just really don’t know how to write ads. I suck at it. I know how to be conversational but that kind of writing puts me in the ropes and I can’t just find a way to make sense of it. Maybe there’s a way to kind of prep the mind into writing it. Or find some inspiration? 

It really doesn’t make sense for me to write something out of thin air and magically endorse something I’m not even happy to endorse. I mean it’s my work but it also looks like rubbish. If knowing my communication skill is something that could make me better at knowing what I really want then maybe that would work. Or you know find confidence in creating things.

Honestly, I’ve been having a writer’s block for months now. I haven’t been able to read just for fun or try to write like this. It was always for something and for someone else. I’m totally not enjoying it anymore. I wasn’t even writing for the sake of content creation. I’ve been doing content for all content. 

I’ve already extracted all my words and sentences. That’s how it feels like.

Even trying to paraphrase things from the internet is like a nightmare.

Maybe that’s what happens to those who never find satisfaction or can’t find something to fulfill them. I totally know what I want, what to do next and how to. I also have the guts to do it but there’s a pull that keeps me from doing it.

My thoughts even feel so blank like a clean sheet of paper.

I’ve never been this thoughtless before.

It’s just sad. What I’m doing is draining me of my creativity and mental ability to process things in a stable manner. I am going haywire.

Okay, I’ve been a VA  for 6 months now (by Sept, 2) and so far it’s really fun. I’m  the kind of person who doesn’t last that long in a job because another opportunity arrives or another venture comes into my mind and I chase after that. How stupid, right? I could’ve landed on a permanent job by now but I’m too stubborn and I prefer to do job hopping. In a span of 3 years I’ve worked as a government employee, an aquaculture technician, a pre-school teacher, a store attendant, a call center agent and now a Virtual Assistant. So far, this has been the job that I felt the most useful. 

Useful in a sense that, the people, the boss and the environment tells me I could be of use. My skills are needed and I can actually contribute. That my ideas are worth to be considered. And in a span of 3 months, I’m already a Team Leader. I’m the newbie in terms of seniority compared to the other TLs. 

Yes, I love my job here. There’s no denying that but sometimes I still think of things that I could do aside from being a VA. My consultant and scientist dreams and being able to contribute to the field of Fisheries and Aquaculture research still excites me. I want to go out there, engage with different people, especially the fisher folks. And that’s not going to happen any time soon.

Actually, I was hired by another company for a full-time day time job (coz I’m in the night shift as a VA) and it really is tempting to just go with that job. Aside from the high pay, it’s day shift, I get to write data based content. It’s a project under the provincial government but I was hired by a separated team. Technically, I’m going to work for them.  But that didn’t start right away because of some bidding issues. So, I’m still waiting when will the job start. Well, I’m a bit thankful it didn’t start sooner because my work has been hectic these past few days. I was actually considering to give up my TL position just so I could focus on my tasks.

Well, maybe that’s the perks of having different jobs in the past 3 years. I can somehow manage and cope now. If this was my job before, I could’ve been overwhelmed by all the tasks and end up spending a lot of time on things that don’t really matter.

I was actually taken aback when my boss said that I can manage my time wisely because I just lack that. I used to cramming things. I try to schedule my tasks but it really doesn’t work, especially with a client who’s going to give impromptu tasks. I learned to adapt and be flexible in this job. Even though sometimes it’s taking me some time to adjust or to create another set of system of things. 

My rant part here would probably be about some of my subordinates. Technically they’re not on my team but I have seniority now and given the power to assign tasks to them. These people are exactly just like me before but I just hate it that I can sense them being hesitant to accept some task or to accept feedback. It amazes me and makes me a bit disappointed at the same time. I just hope they improve. 

This is fun. I’ll write more of this next time.