Me.

It's sad to see bridges burned over lack of communication. Talk it out, listen to what each other have to say. Don't let resentment build and just sit there to fester. I've been feeling resentment over unresolved issues with a friend recently, but they are unwilling to listen to what I have to say, and therefore unable to recognize the actions that make me feel wronged. Anytime I try to talk about it, they become defensive. And I worry about drudging up the unresolved things when things on the surface are settled. Any advice for how to have those hard conversations??

I keep re-meeting people I used to know. And then we'll go on a date or two. And then I never feel the need to talk to them again. But then I re-meet someone else, and the cycle repeats. Sometimes I find myself even hoping to re-meet someone because "what if it works out?"

Background: I go visit family at a nursing home on a weekly basis. There has recently been a lot of turn over of the staff. Rant is directed at new nurse lead, who has been passive aggressive and bitchy toward me several times. Today it lit a fuse. Lady - as a family member, untrained in nursing and visiting someone else, it is not my job to help you. Despite that, I saw a resident getting herself up with no aids around. I ran to her, and got her to sit down. I motion to you in a frantic way, don't just yell "what?" after I've tried to flag you down for five minutes. And when I respond "she needs to use the bathroom", don't ignore me. Get someone to come help. I convince the resident to hold tight so I can try to find another aid. When I come back, and you've finally painstakingly made your way to do your own job, do not tell me "we have this handled. We can do our jobs", because frankly, if it wasn't for me, this resident could have been injured. Don't be hateful because I recognized you were busy, and went to find help elsewhere. Say "thanks for calming her down." I'm not here to work for you, I don't get paid to be here, I'm visiting family and this just took a chunk of time that I meant to be with them with another resident whose name I don't even know. Additionally, acknowledge that you've seen me, acknowledge that you are not the center of attention, the residents are. Do not get snippy with me for answering your questions that you apparently know the answer to already. Do not belittle me in front of your staff.

Well I made a fool of myself today by identifying my cousin by their country of origin rather than the color of their skin. I scolded by younger cousin for calling them black rather than Guatemalan. And maybe this comes from black being equated to African American. But maybe it comes from a place of prejudice I didn't realize I had.

It is very frustrating when you try to have a conversation with someone over text, but they don't reply for days on end. Just because what I say isn't what you want to hear, that doesn't mean you should freeze a person out.

So in one of my classes we've been talking about fat shaming and how healthy bodies look different and how genes play into it. So while I am trying to lose weight still, I'm trying to do so healthily. When my bodies tells me it is at its prime healthy, I will work to maintain.

I'm just so tired I wish I didn't have to wake up. Always someone or something demanding my attention. To a thing I don't care about, or wish I didn't care about. Sometimes I wish it would end and stop and be still and I could be in peace for a bit. Why can't I find something I like and am good at and just be? But no. I have to take these pills or do that paper or fill out these forms. Something. Someone. Always. My body demands sleep. And food. And exercise. And interaction. And solidarity. And companionship and compassion and notice. I can never get to a state of homeostasis and float there for awhile. Sometimes I wish I was a dog with a good family and a good home. All I'd have to worry about is not peeing in the house, and when my person would get up to feed me. I could sleep and play as I pleased. I'd always be loved for being and I wouldn't have to prove shit to anyone.