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ok I slept like 3 hours last night so this will not be as coherent as I hoped but the quickest version is this:
there's an anchor arc in TBC that has to be solid, as I've hinged every other part of the story on it, but the further we got into the book the more fragile it became.
Tashie & I went back and forth for 2+ weeks trying to make it work. turns out a clean fix was impossible, and the only thing to do was tear the entire arc out and start over.
I have faith I can get it right this time, but I don't have faith I can rewrite & revise (and edit everything else around it) in time for a November deadline. Sorry, my lovies, but thank you for all your kind words & for sticking with me anyway <3
Andrew had genuinely been hoping Neil would tell him to fuck off after “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you.” this stupid redhead managed to miss every single hint, and the painfully obvious ones about Andrew’s sexuality. Andrew was so completely, utterly doomed. at that point, there was only one option left: spell it out in the bluntest, rudest way possible. “I’m telling you I want you to fuck my throat. At this point, you’ve got two choices. Either punch me in the face because you’re homophobic, or tell me you don’t mind if I get on my knees right now so we can finally put this whole thing to rest.” and Neil was just…. “okay..?”
Neil Josten is phenomenal demisexual representation and you can’t change my mind
The other day I was faced with the realization that some people think Neil is bad demisexual representation, so I'm going to argue against that. Under the cut because I have a lot to say:
To start, Neil ending up in a relationship does not invalidate his sexuality. I don't even know why this is being argued other than the fact that people think he's "not asexual enough" or whatever argument they may come up with that tries to divorce demisexuality from asexuality. Demisexuality is on the asexual spectrum. Some demisexuals never find a relationship, some demisexuals continue to not have sex even in relationships, but many demisexuals do have relationships in which they have sex (just like how many demiromantics have relationships in which they are in love). The fact that they can trust someone enough to have sex and fall in love is kind of the point of demisexuality and demiromanticism; it's the part of the asexual and aromantic spectrums that allows for exceptions like that.
When characters around him don't believe him when he says he doesn't swing, this is an accurate portrayal of how many aspec individuals are treated, both before and after coming out. Asexuality and aromanticism are not respected by everyone (hell, just look within the queer community and you'll even see it here. We're a minority for a reason and denying we're queer only hammers in WHY we're queer. If you believe we aren't, fuck off) and it's incredibly common for people to assume that someone is just closeted gay when they say they aren't interested in sex or romance. The Foxes assume Neil is gay because they don't know about asexuality or any part of its spectrum of identities. The books take place in 2006 and 2007. Asexuality as a term has been around for decades (first recorded in the 1970s, I believe? I could be remembering wrong), but it wasn't very well known until around the 2010s. You really only knew of it if you were in the queer community finding like-minded people, and even within the queer community, those who aren't on the asexual spectrum are less likely to care even now.
Nicky and Matt assume Neil is gay because they don't know about asexuality and assume a guy not talking about girls must be gay. But Neil ending up in a relationship with a man is NOT him "proving them right." He says in The King's Men "I've said all year I don't swing and I meant it. Kissing you doesn't make me look at any of them differently. The only one I'm interested in is you." This is a blatant example of demisexuality. It's textbook representation. The others assuming he's gay does NOT change how he views his sexuality. Why? Because other people don't determine your sexuality. I shouldn't have to explain that to people. Neil knows how his sexuality works and he's confident in that. He doesn't have the specific words for it, but he doesn't need those to know himself.
Also, Neil is not the type to want a label. He will correct people who get it wrong, but he won't care enough to use any word for it. Not labeling it does not make it any less true. He and Andrew don't label their relationship, but the books still end with Andrew admitting they're not nothing. They have a relationship, regardless of the fact they don't label it. Neil's demisexuality is the same way. A lack of a label does not negate the existence of something. I don't have a diagnosis for my sleeping issues, that doesn't mean I don't still have them. A label doesn't suddenly make it real, it just describes your lived experiences.
The need to have every sexuality spelled out and perfectly accepted in stories is a new trend I've noticed all over the place, both in and out of fandom, and I honestly don't know why people expect this. Coming out is messy, having your sexuality respected is often an uphill battle, and often you're not respected or listened to. People are going to push back or not believe you. People are going to get things wrong and you often won't have the right words to explain it. This is normal. This is how it works in reality.
Neil, despite not having the words for it nor caring enough to use them, is incredibly confident in his demisexuality. He asserts that he doesn't swing consistently and without hesitation. Even when he's with Andrew, he maintains it. He doesn't doubt himself at all. He knows how his attraction works and he doesn't question it or change how he talks about it. This is awesome to see because with most sexualities, asexual spectrum or not, you often see characters grappling with their sexualities trying to figure it out. Neil doesn't do that. Once he falls for Andrew, he's all in, but he does not budge on the fact he doesn't swing for anyone else. This confidence is inspiring.
It's so rare to see representation for asexuality, let alone demisexuality, and good representation at that. Not to mention intentional representation! Nora confirmed Neil is demisexual, which rarely happens with aspec characters. Characters are usually just heavily aspec-coded but never confirmed (for example Ryland Grace of Project Hail Mary, who likely wasn't even written that way on purpose). Seeing people ignore or try to deny that Neil is demisexual hurts so much as someone who is also demi because it is so rare that I get to see myself in a character like this. You don't have to like it, but please don't deny it or put it down. Can we just cool it with the aphobia? It's 2026. We should be past this by now.
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imagine you work at a luxury car dealership. two college kids show up in a shitty rental car one day. one is has facial tattoos and the haughty attitude of a famous person. the other is a dead-faced goth the size of an elf. tattoo boy says they’re here to buy so you humor them and show some cars. elf man doesn’t say a word the whole time but clearly is calling the shots. he points at a Maserati and says he’ll be paying for the whole thing, no financing necessary. then he goes back over to the rental car, where evidently there has been a whole person asleep in the backseat the entire time. this man is about the same height as the goth pixie and dressed like a homeless person. he listens to the goth say something, pulls out several wads of cash, hands them over and goes back to sleep. your boss spends the next hour walking these freaks through the paperwork while you count through what turns out to be nearly 100k in cold hard cash. no one explains a goddamn thing and they leave with the nicest car on the lot
and yet it was Neil who crossed the entire court in the blink of an eye, shoving his opponent away from Andrew with every ounce of strength he had after the opponent attacked Andrew during the match.
and it was Andrew who reached Neil a heartbeat before he could collapse to his knees, utterly spent and defenseless, stepping between him and Riko’s racquet just as it came down.
After everything Andrew suffered through, and all the ways he hurt himself just to keep going, life finally got better.
Life got sweeter. Life got worth living. Life got Neil.
Perfect wonderful Neil with his damn mouth. Neil with his gentle touch that would never hurt, not intentionally. Neil who listened, who never stopped being interesting.
Neil who became his home.
Do you ever think he lies there, at 30, surrounded by his family, his two cats, his medals and his forever partner, and thinks:
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i think we all moved on from Neil buying Andrew’s maserati way too quickly bc what?
imagine you’re Andrew:
that man wear jorts. he’s a mess. he could barely understand his own feelings, didn’t do any normal romantic stuff until you literally told him he’s into you. like yes, you clock he’s the love interest but but it’s not like that - all he cares about is stickball, and yes he has mafia connections but not like that. you literally had to buy him clothes at multiple points in canon. you’re the one keeping him safe, and making him all these promises.
Imagine if trauma could be transferred instead of just multiplying. Being able to heal yourself by returning the trauma to sender. Feeling yourself getting mentally and physically better by traumatising your parents right back.
Cure your PTSD in one afternoon with this one simple trick: Chase your dad around the house with an axe.
romaincrisis
amandla
kianamaiart
gracieabrams
