purplemoonabove

san raises his eyebrow and laughed at you sarcastically, “yeah, right. you literally haven’t looked away from that direction for at least five minutes.

you scoff, “what? i was just thinking.”

“about him again?”

“no! literally anything except him.”

while across the room, seonghwa laughs at something hongjoong said, his boba eyes making your stomach do something that’s incredibly inconvenient.

you look away instantly.

“see??” san nudges you way too aggressively that made you almost fall off your seat. “you literally do that every single time.”

“do what?” pretending you have no clue what san is talking about.

“panic when he exists.”

“i do not do that?”

“you just stopped breathing just because you saw him.”

you inhale sharply, like you are trying to prove a point (that did absolutely nothing)

“i act like a normal human being around him. stop exaggerating.”

san justs keeps quiet because he knows that you will just keep lying and denying about your very obvious crush on seonghwa.

yup. you were definitely not avoiding seonghwa whenever you see him.

you just somehow happen to be very busy every single time when he’s around.

and that is the exact reason why you’re currently pretending to be deeply invested in whatever is on your phone (the phone is not even on), while you stand suspiciously far away from where he is.

you plan to stay that way, so you won’t crash out over being too close to him.

he’s way too hot for you to stay normal-

“are you ignoring me?”

you nearly dropped your phone as you recognises the voice.

you look up slowly.

well, there he is.

seonghwa, standing wayyyyy too close, looking at you with that calm expression that somehow is able to make everything worse.

“no?” you say.

he tilts his head, frowned slightly, “you didn’t answer my messages.”

“i… i didn’t see them.”

“you were literally online.”

you opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“well… um i was doing something else on my phone?”

“…right”

then there’s a very quiet pause.

and now you become suddenly aware of the fact that he hasn’t stepped back. if anything, he’s now a little closer than before.

you swallow.

“did you need something?” you trying to sound normal.

he watches you for an extra second before replying.

“you seem nervous.”

“i’m not nervous.”

“are you sure? you are literally holding your phone upside down.”

you look down. immediately flip it over. “well, that doesn’t mean anything.”

“you are also not looking at me.”

you look up a bit too fast. “i am now.”

your eyes then meet his.

mistake. big mistake.

he doesn’t look away, not even a little. there’s something almost like curiosity in his gaze, like he’s studying you, waiting for something.

you shift slightly, “why are you looking at me like that…?”

“like what?”

“like you know something i don’t.”

he hums softly. “maybe i do.”

your heart does something very unhelpful.

“okay” forcing a small laugh. “that’s not suspicious at all.”

he smiles a little. then suddenly hits you with the question that you have been trying to avoid from. “are you avoiding me?”

you blink. “what?? no!”

“you haven’t been around as much.”

“i’ve been around.”

“not when i am though.”

you open your mouth. close it. open it again.

“that’s just a coincidence.”

“is it?”

he takes a small step closer.

you don’t move, even though you probably should.

“then why. why do you look like you’re trying to escape every time i talk to you?” he says quietly.

you brain short circuits.

“i am not trying to escape.”

“you just stepped back.”

you glanced down. so, well you did. traitor.

“that was- loss of balance…” you say weakly.

“right.” he doesn’t sound convinced, instead worse. he sounds amused.

you narrow your eyes slightly. “why are you interrogating me?”

“i’m not.”

“you are.”

“i’m just asking.”

“it feels like interrogating.”

he lets out a quiet breath, almost like a laugh.

and then. he steps closer once again. but this time there’s barely any space between you.

your words get stuck in your throat.

“you’re doing it again.” he says softly.

“doing what…?”

“getting nervous.”

“i’m not nervous.” your voice quieter now.

he watches you carefully, like he’s waiting. like he already knows.

“then what is it?” he asks.

you look away first.

“nothing.”

“nothing?”

“yeah…”

“are you sure?”

“yes.”

“because,” his voice dropping slightly, “it looks like something.”

your chest tightens.

“like what?”

he doesn’t answer immediately. but just lifts his hand, and gently tilts your chin back towards him.

your breath catches.

“like you’re hiding something” he says.

your brain is no longer functioning.

“i’m not hiding anything.”

“no?”

“no.”

“then say it.”

“… say what?”

he leans in just slightly. but not enough to touch. enough to make your heart completely lose rhythm.

“whatever it is,” he says quietly.

you stare at him.

your thoughts are a mess.

this is a bad idea.

this is a very bad idea.

“it’s not like that,” you say quickly.

“like what?”

“like-” you stop, flustered. “you know.”

“i don’t,” he says, and you know he’s lying.

“yes, you do.”

“i want to hear you say it.”

your face burns.

“no.”

“no?”

“no.”

“…why not?”

“because it’s embarrassing.”

“to me?”

“…to me.”

he goes quiet for a second.

and then “you know i noticed, right?”

your heart stops.

“…noticed what?”

his gaze softens. just a little.

“you.”

silence.

you can hear your own heartbeat.

“you’re not subtle,” he continues. “the way you look at me. the way you avoid me after. the way you get quiet.”

you want to disappear.

actually disappear.

“i don’t-” you start.

he shakes his head slightly.

“you do.”

you press your lips together, trying to find something, or just anything to say.

“i thought you’d say something eventually,” he adds.

you blink. “what?”

“i was waiting.”

“…for what?”

he looks at you like it’s obvious.

“for you.”

your brain fully gives up.

“you could’ve said something too,” you mumble.

he tilts his head slightly.

“i could’ve.”

“then why didn’t you?”

there’s a small pause.

then-

“you were interesting to watch.”

you stare at him.

“you’re unbelievable.”

he smiles.

properly this time.

“you liked me first.”

you scoff. “that’s not-“

he steps even closer.

you stop talking immediately.

“do you want me to stop?” he asks softly.

“…stop what?”

“this.”

your breath catches.

“no,” you say before you can think about it.

he studies your face for a second.

like he’s making sure.

and then-

he leans in.

slow. gentle. giving you time to pull away.

you don’t.

his lips press against yours, soft and warm and real in a way that makes everything else blur for a second.

it’s not rushed.

not overwhelming.

just… careful.

like he’s been thinking about this longer than you have.

his hand lifts, resting lightly at your jaw, thumb brushing your cheek as he tilts his head slightly.

you melt into it before you can stop yourself.

your hands moving behind his neck, fingers slowly threading through his hair. both lips moving softly against each other.

it lasts just long enough to make your head spin-

and then he pulls back slowly.

not far.

just enough to look at you.

your eyes are still closed.

you open them slowly.

he’s already watching you.

of course he is.

“…you’re still not subtle,” he murmurs.

you let out a small, embarrassed laugh, hiding your face slightly behind your hands.

“can you not say that right now?”

he gently pulls your hand away.

“why not?”

“because i just-” you gesture vaguely. “that just happened.”

“it did.”

“and you’re being annoying about it.”

“i’m being honest.”

you glare at him weakly.

he just smiles.

softer this time.

“it’s okay,” he says quietly. “i like it.”

your expression falters.

“…you do?”

“yeah.”

he brushes his thumb lightly against your cheek again.

“i like you.”

he said it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

your heart does that stupid annoying thing again.

but this time, it doesn’t feel overwhelming. just warm.

“…you’re still annoying,” you mumble.

he huffs out a quiet laugh.

—

you should have known something was wrong when hongjoong didn’t complain.

that was the first sign.

because hongjoong always had something to say.

not in a bad way.

it was just who he was.

if the cafe was too crowded, he’d quietly move your chair closer to his. if your drink wasn’t made properly, he’d politely ask the staff if they could fix it. if someone told a bad joke, he’d give them the most dramatic look before laughing anyway.

hongjoong was expressive.

he was passionate.

he was loud when he wanted to be.

which was why the silence was suspicious.

“are you okay?”

you lean slightly closer to him, lowering your voice so only he can hear.

hongjoong looks up from his drink.

“huh?”

“you’re quiet.”

he blinks.

then immediately smiles.

too quickly.

“i’m always quiet.”

you stare at him.

“no, you’re not.”

“wow.”

“you literally talked for ten minutes yesterday about why the font on a poster wasn’t matching the concept.”

“because it wasn’t matching the concept.”

“exactly.”

he tries to hide his smile.

“i’m fine.”

you narrow your eyes.

“are you sure?”

“yes.”

“promise?”

“promise.”

you study his face for another second before deciding to let it go.

because if hongjoong says he’s okay, you trust him.

usually.

what you don’t notice is the way his eyes immediately drift away from you.

towards where yunho is sitting.

“no, because listen.”

yunho is laughing as he talks, hands moving dramatically as he explains something.

you don’t even know how the conversation got here.

you were just listening.

and then somehow, yunho was telling a story about something that happened during gaming, and now you’re laughing so hard your stomach hurts.

“i swear, he looked at me like i personally offended him.”

you laugh harder.

“that sounds like him.”

“right? i thought i was going to get kicked out.”

“you’re so dramatic.”

“i’m realistic.”

you shake your head, still smiling.

and without thinking—

you grab his arm.

just for a second.

just because you’re laughing.

but hongjoong notices.

of course he notices.

he notices everything.

he doesn’t say anything.

doesn’t make a face.

doesn’t interrupt.

he just takes a sip of his drink.

slowly.

calmly.

like he didn’t just watch his girlfriend laughing with someone else.

“hyung.”

hongjoong looks over.

jongho is staring at him.

“what?”

“nothing.”

“why are you looking at me like that?”

jongho squints.

“you look weird.”

“i always look weird.”

“no, like… suspicious weird.”

hongjoong scoffs.

“i’m literally sitting here.”

“exactly.”

“what does that mean?”

“i don’t know.”

jongho shrugs.

“but something’s happening.”

jongho rolls his eyes.

“you’re imagining things.”

“am i?”

hongjoong says nothing.

because unfortunately…

jongho might be right.

the rest of the day continues like that.

small things.

things that shouldn’t bother him.

things that absolutely bother him.

mingi compliments your outfit.

hongjoong smiles.

yeosang makes you laugh.

hongjoong smiles.

wooyoung steals a bite of your dessert.

hongjoong smiles.

he smiles so much that everyone would think he’s completely fine.

but the members who know him best can tell.

especially seonghwa.

because seonghwa has always been good at noticing things people try to hide.

as everyone gets ready to leave, seonghwa walks past hongjoong.

quietly, he says:

“you know you’re allowed to just say you’re jealous, right?”

hongjoong freezes.

“i’m not jealous.”

seonghwa looks at him.

just looks.

hongjoong sighs.

“okay.”

a pause.

“maybe a little.”

“a little?”

hongjoong looks offended.

“i said a little.”

seonghwa smiles.

“you’ve been watching her laugh with everyone all day.”

“i wasn’t watching.”

“you were.”

“i was observing.”

“that’s worse.”

hongjoong frowns.

“i trust her.”

“i know.”

“i’m not upset with her.”

“i know.”

“i just…”

he stops.

because saying it out loud feels embarrassing.

seonghwa waits.

finally, hongjoong mutters:

“i wanted her attention.”

and honestly?

that’s the most hongjoong answer possible.

the car ride home is quieter.

not uncomfortable.

just different.

you’re sitting beside him, shoulder brushing his occasionally.

normally, hongjoong would be talking.

or showing you something on his phone.

or asking about your day.

but today?

nothing.

you glance at him.

he’s looking out the window.

“joong?”

“hm?”

“did i do something?”

his head turns immediately.

“what?”

you shrug.

“you’ve just been quiet.”

his expression changes.

only slightly.

but you notice.

“no.”

“really?”

“really.”

“you’re not annoyed?”

“no.”

“mad?”

“no.”

“jealous?”

there’s a pause.

a very long pause.

you raise your eyebrows.

“hongjoong.”

“what?”

“you stopped talking.”

“i was thinking.”

“about whether you’re jealous?”

“maybe.”

you laugh softly.

and immediately, he looks away.

“don’t laugh.”

“sorry.”

“you’re laughing.”

“because you’re cute.”

“i’m not cute.”

“you are.”

“i’m supposed to be intimidating.”

you look him up and down.

“you?”

he looks offended.

“yes.”

“you are just a cute little bean.”

“i am not a bean.”

“you also almost cried when we went to the haunted house last week.”

“i did not. that was not me.”

you smile.

and finally,

he laughs. just a little.

but you still know something is bothering him.

when you get home, everything feels normal.

until the door closes.

and hongjoong suddenly gets quiet again.

you turn around.

“okay.”

he looks at you.

“okay?”

“what’s going on?”

“nothing.”

“kim hongjoong.”

he sighs.

you know that sigh.

the one he does when he knows he’s been caught.

he walks over, stopping in front of you.

“did you have fun today?”

you blink.

“yes?”

“good.”

“…”

“…”

“why did you say it like that?”

he looks away.

“like what?”

“like you’re trying to convince yourself.”

there’s silence.

then, “i’m not mad.”

you soften.

“i know.”

“i’m not upset with you.”

“i know.”

“i know you can talk to whoever you want.”

“i know.”

another pause.

then he quietly says, “i just didn’t like sharing your attention today.”

your expression changes.

“oh.”

he immediately looks embarrassed.

“see? this sounds stupid.”

“no, it doesn’t.”

“it does.”

“hongjoong.”

“i know it’s ridiculous because i trust you.”

he runs a hand through his hair.

“i just…”

his voice gets quieter.

“i like when you look at me.”

your heart melts.

because that’s it.

that’s the whole thing.

not control.

not anger.

not insecurity.

just him wanting to feel special.

you step closer. hands resting against his cheek.

“joong.”

“hm?”

“you know you’re my favourite person, right?”

he looks at you. “yeah?”

“that sounded like a question.”

“because i wanted to hear you say it again.”

you smile.

“you’re my favourite person.”

he tries to hide his smile.

fails.

“okay.”

“okay?”

“yeah.”

“that’s all?”

“what else am i supposed to say?”

“i don’t know. maybe something dramatic.”

he thinks.

“fine.”

he clears his throat.

“i am the only oppa you need.”

you immediately burst out laughing.

“oh my god.”

“what?”

“you actually said it.”

“said what?”

“don’t look at other oppas.”

his ears turn slightly pink.

“i never said that.”

“you were thinking it.”

“maybe.”

“you’re unbelievable.”

“and yet.”

he steps closer.

“you like me.”

you smile.

“unfortunately.”

“unfortunately?”

“very unfortunately.”

“wow.”

you laugh.

and this time, he’s the reason.

you wrap your arms around his neck.

“you know you don’t have to compete with them, right?”

his hands settle naturally around your waist.

“i know.”

“because i chose you.”

he goes quiet. soft.

the way he gets when something actually means something to him.

“say that again.”

you smile.

“i chose you.”

his expression softens.

and then he leans down.

the kiss is gentle. slow. not rushed. just him.

his hand moves slightly to your hips, pulling you closer as you smile against his lips.

when you pull away, he rests his forehead against yours.

“you’re still annoying.” he pouts.

you laugh. “me?”

“yes.”

“why?”

“because you made me admit i was jealous.”

“you were the one being obvious.”

“i was subtle.”

“hongjoong.”

“i was.”

“you stared at me for half the day.”

“i was observing.”

“you said that already.”

“because it’s true.”

you shake your head.

he smiles.

then, very quietly, “but…”

“hm?”

“don’t look at other oppas.”

you stare at him. then laugh again.

“you’re never letting that go, are you?”

“no.”

“why?”

he shrugs. “because i like knowing i’m your favourite.”

your smile softens. “you are.”

“good.”

“happy?”

“very.”

he kisses your forehead.

your nose.

then your cheek.

then, because he can’t help himself, and he wants to make sure that you know that you’re his.

he captures your lips again.

and this time, when you laugh into the kiss, he doesn’t mind.

because your attention is exactly where he wanted it.

with him.

—