best of the best
I really was a bratÂ
How did I ever become so ungrateful I’ve listen now what ? I feel incomplete. I feel like now that I have free time the thing I’ve always wanted; somehow I’m still too scared to walk outside why can’t I ? How do I become better at livingÂ
Eve ey thing just feels so uncomfortable my skin feels weird my hair doesn’t feel like it’s actually attached to my scalp when I run my fingers through it . All the noises in this life have started to die out out now I’m left with just a tinglingly feeling on the ends of my hairs , my nerves no longer trace back as mine. My muscles no longer listen to my commands ; somehow I’ve been highjacked by a stranger . It’s why I’ve always felt scared of the dark or night, it wasn’t because I couldn’t see what I thought was there. Just me it was all just me . All those times I was angry and unregulated All the times I felt bland like an empty plate at dinner . Like everyone else managed to get a serving of food before me , Then I can just remind myself today’s not real. It’s still Christmas it’s still winter morning running chills ; I’m at that same soggy house and cold wooden floors . I can no longer differentiate my memories from my dreams.  Even the voice of others gets run over  . Maybe it’s still a charisma dinner. Maybe I never left  And never will; I’ll always be waiting in the same expanding line of people gathering together for food, warm yellowing lights flickering from inside burnt out light bulbs thatÂ
 Where forgotten to change before guest came . Blue jacket is so soft  I never could have know a sent that made me curl into a shape so squared from humans to just to be held by those arms.   It didn’t matter if I was who I am now No one knew who I might have become  Tears that where wasted lastly can no longer finish on the flesh sagging beneath bulging eyes with thin arms folding over.  The taste of a minty tooth paste each morning I used to hate but now anything else is salty and sweet.   Nothing ever made sense there was nothing to make sense of , how could I have known to live if I never remember living . The night was never scary, the coughing dry throat flacking off the life left in you,  I never cared about 20 years from now or then. Somehow I still care about everything and nothing ; my Christmas dinner qd and shallow should they still stay for dinner ?
