metastable heart

I haven't written anything personal in a long time. Sometimes I get too wrapped up in the hustle and bustle, push and shove, walk and talk of every day life. Sometimes I feel trapped in a bubble, pushing my way through the waves of people in the city, trying to get to the edge to pop it and emerge from the soapy prison of my own education. I chose this, I tell myself. I'm bettering myself, I hear myself think. I want this, I force myself to say.

Why is there so much forcing in our lives? If only everything were as simple as one moment with someone you love, the brush of soft fingertips, the feel of a wet paintbrush along your palm. 

I must take a moment, a fingertip, a paintbrush on the palm, and step back. Put my life into perspective. I climb mountains of books every day, shelve through files of computer programming and type thousands of letters on the keyboard. But I also take in sunshine and sweet air, and observe these people as they push by me, lost in their own shove and hustle to the outside of their personal bubble hells. But taking a step back and really thinking, that isn't something I do every day.