Witch Bitch

At the beginning of 2021 I was a year and a half clean. I’d been single 3 years and was practicing yoga daily. I was deep in my spiritual practice and felt like I was beginning to heal my trauma and inner child. Now at the end of the year, I’m 3 weeks clean and technically dated someone for a month who broke my heart. I haven’t worked out in months and have new traumas to process. I’m going on a date with the first boy I ever loved, 4 years later. I don’t want him. Sometimes I wonder what would be different if I didn’t make the decisions I did. If I had stayed clean. If I hadn’t fell in love. Would it have been more positive and growth forward? Or would 2021 still kicked me in the back of the knees? Why do I feel like I’m back at square one even if I’m really not. Am I a new person? Is it a new season?

Um. My life is chaotic and weird and stressful. I love it but I also hate it. I want out of my current situation so I can be weird and chaotic and stressed on my own terms. Fuck