Sam

Because now I want to study history and languages and mathematics and physics and philosophy and engineering and I want to be everything and that desire is so overwhelming that it leaves me unable to do anything at all.

April 10th 2021

Think of all the characters i’ve created.

Think of all the stories i’ve imagined.

An entire universe i’ve created.

I did that.

I made that.

I fantasize about being a famous author.

That one day people will read and listen to the stories I have to tell.

It’s a wonderous thing to imagine. To fantasize. To believe.

“Success doesn’t happen overnight. Keep your eyes on the prize and don’t look back”

Sometimes when I’m unmotivated, I imagine I’m in a productivity YouTube video...

“And then I turn off my phone and put it across the room so I won’t get distracted”

“And then I open my textbook and start reading the chapter and taking notes”

Which is really just me trying to get myself to do the things I need to.

And then I get into the tips...

“And remember, it’s okay if your notes don’t look pretty, what matters is that they work for you”

“And even if you get overwhelmed, just take a breath and center yourself”

Which is really just me trying to calm myself down and focus.

And I’ll do this for anything and everything, not just studying. Like cleaning, getting ready, my morning and night routines, cooking, etc.

I always feel kinda wierd about it after the fact, but I mean it helps...

When I am doing something important to me (studying, languages, politics, mental health & pretty much everything), I pretend I am in a YouTube video. 

I even talk aloud and look at random places that I imagine the camera would be. 

It is like talking to myself but when that random thoughts/questions pop in my head I pretend like it is a subscriber and try to explain it w/my best. Or make a note about researching it ‘cause my subscribers are important to me. :’)

And the best thing about this is, it actually works! (for me, at least)

I am;

Feeling so much more confident with what I wear because of my ‘Video’ about ‘’Clothes, Body Types, Beauty and some more Crap’’

Talking more because ‘’Allowing yourself to get rejected is so fun, pal’’

Actually Studying because ‘’Pomodoro, Feynman, Space Repetition and some more stuff’’ & ‘’That's a shit ton of work, but well you gotta start from somewhere, right?’’