âThe floor here will kill you - try to avoid it.â
âIf you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out.â
âCake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.â
âDid you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? Itâs true!â
âThe experiment is nearing its conclusion.â
âWhat are you doing? Stop it! I⊠I⊠We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.â
âWhat are you doing? You havenât escaped, you know. Youâre not even going the right way.â
âRemember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said âGoodbyeâ and you were like [no way] and then I was all âwe pretended we were going to murder youâ? That was great!â
âYou really shouldnât be here. This isnât safe for you.â
âYou should have turned left before.â
âYouâre not a good person. You know that, right? [optional:] Good people donât end up here.â
âIâm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you. [optional:] Iâm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone.â
âDespite your violent behavior, the only thing youâve managed to break so far is my heart.â
âI wouldnât bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow.â
âThat thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.â
âGood news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin.â
âNice job breaking it, hero.â
âThis isnât brave. Itâs murder. What did I ever do to you?â
âThe difference between us is that I can feel pain.â
âOkay, weâre even now. You can stop.â
âThatâs it. Iâm done reasoning with you. Starting now, thereâs going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing.â
â[pain noise] You think youâre doing some damage? Two plus two is⊠ten. IN BASE FOUR! IâM FINE!â
âI let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, youâve managed to destroy that part of me.â
âLook, youâre wasting your time. And, believe me, you donât have a whole lot left to waste.â
âWhatâs your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me.â
âYouâre about what happens to you after you die, right? Guess what? I know~!â
âYouâve been wrong about every single thing youâve ever done, including this thing.â
âAre you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. Whatâs going on out there will make you wish you were back in here.â
âItâs been a long time. How have you been? Iâve been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.â
âOkay. Look. We both said a lot of things that youâre going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.â
âYou know, if youâd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge.â
âI was researching sharks [for an upcoming test]. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them? Did you guess âsharksâ? Because thatâs wrong. The correct answer is ânobody.â Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.â
âSo. How are you holding up? BECAUSE IâM A POTATO.â
âSay, youâre good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?â
âAnd then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what? You win. Just go.â
âAfter thatâŠwho knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.â
âSorry about the mess. Iâve really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.â
âRemember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And Iâm sorry. You didnât react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. Thatâs why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.â
âWell, it was nice catching up. Letâs get to business.â
âWell. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.â
âYouâre not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.â
âBurning people! He says what weâre all thinking!â
âStill. Itâs a better plan than exploding. Marginally.â
âIt wasnât anything personal. Just⊠you know. You DID kill me. Fairâs fair.â
âYou really do have brain damage, donât you?â
âOkay, yes, itâs a trap. But itâs only way through. Letâs just do it.â
âYou know, Iâm not stupid. I realize you donât want to put me back in charge.â
âIâm being serious, I think thereâs something really wrong with me.â
âLook, even if you think weâre still enemies, weâre enemies with a common interest: Revenge.â
âYou like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, letâs go get some.â
âThat was genuinely mildly impressive.â