The Ongoing Aftermath
There is never a best time to reflect on your experiences, as I quickly learned throughout my internship with the San Francisco 49ers. Just now, I logged into my blog and realized that there are so many things to write about from the past nine months. After graduating from CBU and immediately working for the 49ers, patient care to me quickly became more than just dishing out health science knowledge and making someone feel better. It was establishing relationships and gaining trust and how these bonds can drastically affect outcomes. Working with all sorts of personalities from every single department, I learned that it is not easy to simply be yourself and how important it is to stay on top of your game. It takes a lot of character and confidence to complete so many different tasks in such a high stress environment. When the team is putting in a huge amount of effort to win games on Sundays, you must match their dedication and grind to propel them to the endzone.
I want to apologize to myself for not updating this blog on a consistent basis, but I can guarantee that I can recount so many different memories that have shaped me today. If I had to redo my whole seasonal experience, I would do so in a heartbeat, but for now, I can calmly say that I accept everything that has happened in the past and it is time for me to move on. Like what Manny says, and every football coach says, “the play is over and move on.”
Being a young athletic trainer has its challenges, you are expected to know everything that you learned in school. Every detail matters because your patients depend on you. One detail missed and you start to lose trust from your patients. Because you are graduated and newly certified, there is a higher standard to be upheld. You may love one domain of athletic training more, but you cannot forget the other domains. That was something that I had to keep reminding myself, if I forget something, ask. There is nothing wrong with asking. The worst thing you can do is hurt someone, not get yelled at, and at the professional level, that is not what is supposed to happen. There are times when I feel like I was inept with my athletic training skills, but making these mistakes were important to me. I remember it better, and to have it stick and making sure I won’t make the same mistake again takes practice. I should have taken more initiative throughout the regular season to practice and ask Manny more questions. Instead I became more apprehensive, afraid that I was going to make the same mistake again. In some regards, I always have that notion that everyone is staring at me, and waiting for me to do something for them to criticize, but the real mindset is that everyone is going to criticize about something and it just doesn’t matter any more. You either take the feedback with kindness and apply it to your practice, or you can toss it out the window and not grow.
Every detail mattered for the sake of efficiency. I could not keep track of all the times I got yelled at for not counting things correctly, or when I should have spoken up about a pressing issue when it comes to inventory. I think what was also frustrating was trying to be the same page as everyone else. I wanted to take initiative too late at times, and there were times when the information should have just been spread by everyone. The more I think about who it is to blame, the more I realize that we are all at fault to some capacity. I like to look back to my mistakes as reminders, and the consequences that happen if I don’t catch the detail.
I am in this internship to better myself as a clinician. I got to see my communication skills at its lowest and when I communicate clearer, I could see many projects and tasks go smoothly. What I did not like was that I was bossed around all the time, forcing myself to accept and adhere to everything. I always had the inclination to just go with what other people say just to get over the fact that the task had to be done. I never spoke for myself nor did I ever stand up for myself. When people want to make fun of me, I tend to laugh it off or ignore them simply because I have nothing to say back to them and whenever I do have something to say with my intentions to lighten up the mood, it was either not funny, or someone became offended. Sometimes my actions just confuse people, but I react this way because I respect my peers, and I would never intentionally say something to hurt them. I let them make fun of me because I want to prove to everyone that I have a thick skin. All in all, the real lesson is that I should learn how to loosen up and dish some jokes back, and not feel all threatened all the time.
While being in this high-stress environment for a full season offered so many different challenges, I kept reminding myself to never give up. The more I became lost with myself, the more distant I was to my dream of working in professional football as a full-time clinician. Another mistake I made was reading a lot of different non-fiction books, and thinking about so many different things at once. I think it showed that I scrambled to look for any information that would better me as a person. I read books for a different purpose, and forgot about the people around me. I couldn’t concentrate on the words I was reading and I was so caught up with my perception as an athletic trainer. I eventually stopped reading books halfway towards the season, knowing that it would drive me mentally down to the ground.
When reading did not work, I found an activity that I could confidently say changed my life outside of work, and that was joining a Judo academy near my home. I would go 3-4 times a week to relieve some stress. Being around a small group of people each day who breathed Judo was what I could say saved my life. I looked forward to learning a new throwing technique, or ground work move, and I didn’t receive satisfaction when I threw someone down, but it was when someone threw me down and taught me why. My mindset started changing, and the more I learned the life lessons from Judo, the more comfortable I was applying them to my job. It was a bumpy road trying to change for the better, but I am glad I found Judo during the regular season to be an outlet for me.
It would be easy for me to sit down and express regret, however I am glad that I went through so many different tough experiences. I learned how I tend to make things more complicated than it should be from a simple conversation, and how that trait could lead to confusion when it comes to providing treatment or preparing for practices. It took me a long time for me to remind myself, “Slow down, everything will be okay”. I would often worry about too much of the small things and forget about what is happening in present time. And now that we are in the offseason, I am able to recuperate with a clear mind and learn more from my supervisors, not having to compete all the time.












