spare hug?

i wanna get better. i wanna wake up in the morning and smile when i hear the birds chirping on my window. i wanna be able to enjoy the little things, like my the way my friends’ eyes light up when talking about their passions, the little details in a song, and touching poetry with a cup of coffee. for once, i wanna treat myself and do things for me. i wanna feel alive once again, not just live. ill do it, ill get there someday. i know i will. someday....

growing up in an unstable house makes your flight or fight response easily triggered. one slightly loud sound can make you flinch. whether it's a knock on a door or even dropping something accidentally. it makes you see everything and everyone as a potential threat. you're constantly on survival mode and alert. when everything calms down you might think it's slowly getting better, your hopes are raised, just to have them crash again when it all goes south. this is so disappointing

everyday a funeral the way i mourn the old her