#burnedout

I continually lived with trauma as a child growing up with a disability I didn't know I had. With everything I’ve had to deal with over the years, and through the trauma of losing my twin in December 2022, I literally feel worn out, burned out. That's a lot of trauma. Burned out... a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion, I am finding it hard to engage.

The child playing catch up

When I look back I find it difficult to believe this was my life. With a physical, mental and emotional disability I was always having to catch up and failed. I take comfort in the fact that I didn't fail me.

Aiming to please all the time just to fit in, to find a place, I should have already had that place. With a disability, I needed those around me to fit into my life, instead I spent a life trying to fit in to theirs. It didn't work and it was wrong.

I kept going

No matter the brick wall, I had to find a way to manoeuvre around it. It didn’t feel comfortable, but it was necessary if I was to break down the walls, the barriers. I had to find a place.

A disability

With cerebral palsy, the disability I didn't know I had, more doors have opened for me, more than they have closed. In my next blog, I'll explain why some doors have closed. Would I choose to do the same thing around what I have done and achieved if I had my time again? Yes, no one should have to live with a disability they don't know they have.

I'm all burned out, but I'm still learning about me.