I don’t have romantic feelings for him at all anymore, I haven’t for a while. We never really vibed, especially towards the ending of it. We argued a lot. It got to a point where I’d spend my time with him, wishing I wasn’t with him.

Even if it wasn’t real.

My brain has now learned that “just because things are good, there must be signs that I’m missing. Protect yourself before you wait for the other shoe to drop.”

Then I either shut down completely or spiral.

Yes, my boyfriend is patient and understanding but, does he really deserve to deal with the mess we’ve made?

I can’t tell myself to stop thinking. Sometimes I really can’t control it. I wish I could. I hate being this way. I know it takes time. But I still hate it.

My ex took who I was before i met him (btw grieving her is emotional) and completely fucking destroyed her. 🤣

Like, are you happy now? Clearly not, if you’re still trying to tear me down when i’ve finally had the courage to cut you out completely and be happier.

You took my confidence, my glow, my personality, my energy, my self worth, my EVERYTHING. I loved who I was before I met you. what more do u fucking need?

You are the most selfish person I’ve ever met in my entire life. I don’t know how you can do the most disgusting things to another human being and still find a way to make yourself the victim, guilt trip me or find a “good reason” for doing it.

I remember when I did something that wasn’t even 2% of what you’ve done to me and you still managed to have a mental breakdown over it (literally swerving the car & driving like a maniac — putting both of our lives at risk, punching yourself in the face like a child lmfao).

Yes, you have destroyed me. That is what years of guilt tripping, control, lying, cheating, negging, does to a human being. But, not completely, I guess. I’m still here. I still have other people in my life that love me and will be there while I piece myself back together. And that’s what I need. Not you, anymore. And I know that sucks for you. But I’ve spent years feeling sorry for you and not enough for myself.

You really conditioned me to feel bad for you. When have you ever felt bad for me, even once? When have you cared about my happiness?