Rancid Foliage

“The universe, I’d learned, was never, ever kidding. It would take whatever it wanted and it would never give it back.”

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. Silent, starving I prowl through the streets. Bread does not nourish me, dawn disquiets me, I search the liquid sound of your steps all day. I hunger for your sleek laugh, For your hands the color of the wild grain, I hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails, I want to eat your skin like a whole almond. I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your loveliness, The nose, sovereign of your arrogant face, I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes, And I walk hungry, smelling the twilight Looking for you, for your hot heart, Like a puma in the barren wilderness.

No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don’t.

She’s like a song, she can be your favorite but you do not own her, and if you get bored of her, doesn’t mean she’s not beautiful anymore, as there are many other people that still admire this song and still is their favorite and many people will hear it and it can be their favorite, what I mean is, just because you don’t like someone anymore doesn’t necessarily mean they changed or there’s anything wrong with them, and just because you like someone doesn’t mean you own them, and if someone doesn’t love you anymore it doesn’t deny that once you were that person’s favorite song. All in all there are so many songs in the world and so many people, life doesn’t stop on someone’s interests.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?

I marvel at the trees, how their leaves change colors and fall off. I realize the biggest lesson I must learn from autumn is how to gracefully let go.

I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.