She nodded when he asked for reassurance. âYes, absolutely. I think youâve been doing an incredible job, especially with everything thatâs happened.. And they just adore you. You know that, right? They love you unconditionally, yes, but they also look up to you so much.â She was more than thankful when he gave her more talking points to touch on and she was trying to keep a mental tally of what to talk about with whom. However, with all this talk of conversation, she suddenly realized that while they probably all knew English, their first language was Greekâsomething that was absolutely foreign to her. In fact, even having known that she was Brazilian all her life, she knew the absolute bare minimum when it came to Portuguese. âUm.. You said Orion could teach me some Greek, right?.. Because I donât want to be that asshole that only speaks English and just expects everyone to adhere to my ignoranceâŚâ she said, clearly a little embarrassed, though she knew she had no reason to be. When he brought up her hair for the millionth time, she gave a chuckle but was then silent for a moment. âWell⌠You know, Iâve been told that the perfect time to not drastically change your hair is right after you get your heartbroken, but⌠What would you say if I told you I was possiblyâpossiblyâthinking aboutâŚdyeing my hair blonde?⌠Would that.. Would that be too crazy?âŚâ Truly, she wasnât even sure why she was asking because she knew heâd say yes in an instant. She nodded and said âYeah, Iâd love to see all the pictures. Do you have pictures of, like, the entire family?⌠Because Iâd love to know whoâs who before I even get there, I donât want to mix anyone up or anything.â It was quite obvious that Alice was hellbent on making the best impression possible. This was her family, after all, and she wanted so badly to be one of them and to fit in.
You know that, right? The question always stabbed him in the heart and twisted the knife around and around, digging a silent questioning of himself and what his children thought of him, which was admittedly an opinion he did care about. âI dunno if Iâm... the best fuckinâ role model,â he confessed with a heaved sigh, lifting a hand to rub his eyes again, âI got lucky... with Orion, he was always a good kid, he never hurt anyone. I was a horribly fuckinâ... volatile teenager, I sucked. I donât wanna fuck them up somehow, especially knowinâ... Eugenia might have issues, Amaris might develop issues, mentally. I never figured out how to deal with it with Kasha, I tried my hardest.â He was older now, but it felt like it didnât matter sometimes, as if he were responsible for the weight of the worldâs problems. Leaning to the side, he rested his head against Aliceâs shoulder, thankful for her presence then. It wasnât like he had a wife to talk to about his insecurities that had resurfaced, now more than ever, having a baby that depended on him again and disconcertingly on his lonesome. Heterochromatic gaze fixating on the flame dancing from the candle on the living room table, he nodded his head slightly against her, saying softly, âYeah, he can... Mama doesnât speak English that well, so itâs a good idea. Avo speaks English okay, but if you want, he can teach you Portuguese too... Iâm probably overdue for a trip to Brazil, speakinâ of.â The thought was intimidating, the lengthy to-do list of what he needed to do from here and into the next year. Album, tour, two kids in between, NA meetings, the shack... see his family, see his other family. It was overwhelming, but he was sure Aliceâs mind was equally reeling with the changes she was going through. âYou wanna... meet the tribe sometime? Eventually. Like, next fuckinâ year or somethinâ. I gotta get back there and have my baby blessed.â Humming, he drew his knees up onto the couch after he had kicked off his Doc Martens. Hosea wasnât shy about his heritage if someone asked, though he didnât necessarily talk about it everywhere either. Usually, his industrial bar was turquoise feathers and beads, similar colors to his native roots; currently, it was a festive skeleton. âBut of course. Orion will help you out any way you need in linguistics, I fuckinâ suck at teachinâ language,â he said with a chuckle, sitting upright when she responded to him seriously. His eyebrows raised in momentary surprise, before shaking his head and replying, âWhen I had my heart broken the second time around, I went out and got my fuckinâ tongue pierced. Itâs not crazy. Change helps you move on, donât you think?â Seconds later, he gasped and smacked her arm lightly, gushing, âAre you gonna pierce your fuckinâ septum too?â Of course, he was referring to the Snapchat she had sent him ages ago, the shit-eating grin after heâd said it clarifying he was joking, clasping his hands around his jean-clad legs. âDo what youâve gotta do, Alice. Youâll look amazinâ. Yâknow? Youâre a beautiful girl. New chapter, new you. Even if you donât know whatâs cominâ. Let me know and Iâll hook you up, Iâm bleachinâ my hair for tour. Maybe youâd love it so much youâll keep it.â Leaving his kids for a week was an anxiety-inducing thought he tried to push away, thinking about her question as a distraction and pursing his lips. âI have pictures... of almost everyone, thereâs probably some outdated pictures of the cousins. Everyone else should be accurate. One of your cousins actually goes to school here in New York... you want me to set you guys up? Get to know each other.â