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prusti

Some day

Journal entry: January 10, 2022

It feels weird entering 2022, for the first time into any entry. Weirder still, that it took me ten days to get into it. Ten days of failing to process, and ultimately simply accepting the social construct of time flies. The later half of the previous year, spent in the physical presence of people I love, did it's part in making up for the shithole that the earlier part of the year was.

How long do I have to pretend to be unbothered by your lack of interest in me ?

metamorphesque

― Jenny Slate, Little Weirds

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aidashakur

Is anyone else in a weird state of mind right now ? Like everything is fine but everything’s not fine

There's love.

And then there's the hungry yearning for a message that would light up your phone screen and your face both at the same time. ✨

What a sad disposition to be genuinely wary of good things to happen to you because you've struggled way too much in the past trying to get over the loss of good things that previously happened to you

I watched the second season of Modern Love today, and decided I would not do the foolish mistake of completing the entire season in one day like I did last year, instead watched just two stories and went back to re-watch some of the episodes of the previous season. Needless to say my emotions are all a sloppy mess. It’s a strange phase of life when you do not really relate to most of love stories yet find yourself moved and significantly shifted to something else when you witness one. I wasn’t even particularly salty about why my own life did not have an iconic story, except for the one episode starring Kit Harrington which went by the name of “Strangers on a (Dublin) train”. The meet cute happened in a train journey which was almost similar to the kind of solo journeys I used to take for all four years of my undergrads, yet never encountered a single romantic gesture from the universe barring the love stories in the books I read during the journey.

The story ended on a cliffhanger of sorts, with the lead guy camping outside the girl’s street hoping to run into her because he did not want to contact her by the normal method of collecting her number or looking for her socials. And me, determined to find out what happened after, dug through the internet to find out the original column from the New York Times written by Cecilia Pesao. But the article which was in the form of a miniature, under 100 words essay classified as a “Tiny Love Story” was unfortunately behind a paywall, so I settled for an interview of the writer instead. And maybe it was a harsh reality check to get me down from my romantic lala land I was so resentful about never having to experience, because I think the creators of the show took an awful lot of creative liberty to tweak the story.

Unlike the show, the guy didn’t end up camping like a roadside Romeo, but just searched for her on Twitter and they began talking. And despite the chemistry they did share in the train ride which inspired a show by Amazon Prime, it actually fizzled out after a few months and the irl couple stopped talking, and never even got to meet again. I mean the irony of it all is that our dude right here doesn’t even possibly know there was a story published in NYT in the first place, let alone the fact that John Snow is playing him on television. And that was enough to put my romantic ass into my place.

I think, if we start asking this same question for almost all of the iconic love stories we grew up idolizing, our expectations from a romantic relationship would turn a lot more realistic. The question of “What happens after the happy ending?” Or “What does happily ever after really look like?” Because the truth of a romantic relationship is that it is a platter of an overwhelmingly diverse group of emotions, and love is just one of them trying to balance it’s equally potent negative counterparts like jealously, anger, resentment, and worst of all, indifference. I once read that the scary thing about relationships is that most often the quirks that made you fall in love turn into the very thing you fall out of love. I do not think there is anything more effed up than that, and there is certainly something to be admired about the foolish courage with which I used to deep dive into relationships. Courage, which I most certainly have run out of.

People who truly know what love entails are the ones most scared of it, and most scarred by it. And people who seemed to have cracked the code for a successful romantic relationship, have put in tangible efforts beyond love alone, to sustain it. But in either case, despite the overwhelmingly monumental mess it is, either way it ends up with a good story to share and an even better show to watch.

#modernloveseason2 #kitharrington #relationships #love

theacademicgatsby

When Tolstoy said “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” and when Murakami said, "There's only one kind of happiness, but misfortune comes in all shapes and sizes."

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somerabbitholes

Essays

Here’s a (non-exhaustive) list of essays I like/find interesting/are food for thought; I’ve tried to sort them as much as possible. The starred (*) ones are those I especially love

also quick note: some of these links, especially the ones that are from books/anthologies redirect you to libgen or scihub, and if that doesn’t work for you, do message me; I’d be happy to send them across!

Literature + Writing

Godot Comes to Sarajevo - Susan Sontag

The Strangeness of Grief - V. S. Naipaul*

Memories of V. S. Naipaul - Paul Theroux*

A Rainy Day with Ruskin Bond - Mayank Austen Soofi

How Albert Camus Faced History - Adam Gopnik

Listen, Bro - Jo Livingstone

Rachel Cusk Gut-Renovates the Novel - Judith Thurman

Lost in Translation: What the First Line of “The Stranger” Should Be - Ryan Bloom

The Duke in His Domain - Truman Capote*

The Cult of Donna Tartt: Themes and Strategies in The Secret History - Ana Rita Catalão Guedes

Never Do That to a Book - Anne Fadiman*

Affecting Anger: Ideologies of Community Mobilisation in Early Hindi Novel - Rohan Chauhan*

Why I Write - George Orwell*

Rimbaud and Patti Smith: Style as Social Deviance - Carrie Jaurès Noland*

Art + Photography (+ Aesthetics)

Looking at War - Susan Sontag*

Love, sex, art, and death - Nan Goldin, David Wojnarowicz

Lyons, Szarkowski, and the Perception of Photography - Anne Wilkes Tucker

The Feminist Critique of Art History - Thalia Gouma-Peterson, Patricia Mathews

In Plato’s Cave - Susan Sontag*

On reproduction of art (Chapter 1, Ways of Seeing) - John Berger*

On nudity and women in art (Chapter 3, Ways of Seeing) - John Berger*

Kalighat Paintings - Sharmishtha Chaudhuri

Daydreams and Fragments: On How We Retrieve Images From the Past - Maël Renouard

Arthur Rimbaud: the Aesthetics of Intoxication - Enid Rhodes Peschel

Cities

Tragic Fable of Mumbai Mills - Gyan Prakash

Whose Bandra is it? - Dustin Silgardo*

Timur’s Registan: noblest public square in the world? - Srinath Perur

The first Starbucks coffee shop, Seattle - Colin Marshall*

Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, Mumbai’s iconic railway station - Srinath Perur

From London to Mumbai and Back Again: Gentrification and Public Policy in Comparative Perspective - Andrew Harris

The Limits of “White Town” in Colonial Calcutta - Swati Chattopadhyay

The Metropolis and Mental Life - Georg Simmel

Colonial Policy and the Culture of Immigration: Citing the Social History of Varanasi - Vinod Kumar, Shiv Narayan

A Caribbean Creole Capital: Kingston, Jamaica - Coln G. Clarke (from Colonial Cities by Robert Ross, Gerard J. Telkamp

The Colonial City and the Post-Colonial World - G. A. de Bruijne

The Nowhere City - Amos Elon*

The Vertical Flâneur: Narratorial Tradecraft in the Colonial Metropolis - Paul K. Saint-Amour

Philosophy

The trolley problem problem - James Wilson

A Brief History of Death - Nir Baram

Justice as Fairness: Political not Metaphysical - John Rawls*

Should Marxists be Interested in Exploitation? - John E. Roemer

The Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief - Scott Berinato*

The Pandemic and the Crisis of Faith - Makarand Paranjape

If God Is Dead, Your Time is Everything - James Wood

Giving Up on God - Ronald Inglehart

The Limits of Consensual Decision - Douglas Rae*

The Science of “Muddling Through” - Charles Lindblom*

History

The Gruesome History of Eating Corpses as Medicine - Maria Dolan

The History of Loneliness - Jill Lepore*

From Tuskegee to Togo: the Problem of Freedom in the Empire of Cotton - Sven Beckert*

Time, Work-Discipline, and Industrial Capitalism - E. P. Thompson*

All By Myself - Martha Bailey*

The Geographical Pivot of History - H. J. Mackinder

The sea/ocean

Rim of Life - Manu Pillai

Exploring the Indian Ocean as a rich archive of history – above and below the water line - Isabel Hofmeyr, Charne Lavery

‘Piracy’, connectivity and seaborne power in the Middle Ages - Nikolas Jaspert (from The Sea in History)*

The Vikings and their age - Nils Blomkvist (from The Sea in History)*

Mercantile Networks, Port Cities, and “Pirate” States - Roxani Eleni Margariti

Phantom Peril in the Arctic - Robert David English, Morgan Grant Gardner*

Assorted ones on India

A departure from history: Kashmiri Pandits, 1990-2001 - Alexander Evans *

Writing Post-Orientalist Histories of the Third World - Gyan Prakash

Empire: How Colonial India Made Modern Britain - Aditya Mukherjee

Feminism and Nationalism in India, 1917-1947 - Aparna Basu

The Epic Riddle of Dating Ramayana, Mahabharata - Sunaina Kumar*

Caste and Politics: Identity Over System - Dipankar Gupta

Our worldview is Delhi based*

Sports (you’ll have to excuse the fact that it’s only cricket but what can i say, i’m indian)

‘Massa Day Done:’ Cricket as a Catalyst for West Indian Independence: 1950-1962 - John Newman*

Playing for power? rugby, Afrikaner nationalism and masculinity in South Africa, c.1900–70 - Albert Grundlingh

When Cricket Was a Symbol, Not Just a Sport - Baz Dreisinger

Cricket, caste, community, colonialism: the politics of a great game - Ramachandra Guha*

Cricket and Politics in Colonial India - Ramchandra Guha

MS Dhoni: A quiet radical who did it his way*

Music

Brega: Music and Conflict in Urban Brazil - Samuel M. Araújo

Color, Music and Conflict: A Study of Aggression in Trinidad with Reference to the Role of Traditional Music - J. D. Elder

The 1975 - ‘Notes On a Conditional Form’ review - Dan Stubbs*

Life Without Live - Rob Sheffield*

How Britney Spears Changed Pop - Rob Sheffield

Concert for Bangladesh

From “Help!” to “Helping out a Friend”: Imagining South Asia through the Beatles and the Concert for Bangladesh - Samantha Christiansen

Gender

Clothing Behaviour as Non-verbal Resistance - Diana Crane

The Normalisation of Queer Theory - David M. Halperin

Menstruation and the Holocaust - Jo-Ann Owusu*

Women’s Suffrage the Democratic Peace - Allan Dafoe

Pink and Blue: Coloring Inside the Lines of Gender - Catherine Zuckerman*

Women’s health concerns are dismissed more, studied less - Zoanne Clack

Food

How Food-Obsessed Millennials Shape the Future of Food - Rachel A. Becker (as a non-food obsessed somewhat-millennial, this was interesting)

Colonialism’s effect on how and what we eat - Coral Lee

Tracing Europe’s influence on India’s culinary heritage - Ruth Dsouza Prabhu

Chicken Kiev: the world’s most contested ready-meal*

From Russia with mayo: the story of a Soviet super-salad*

The Politics of Pancakes - Taylor Aucoin*

How Doughnuts Fuelled the American Dream*

Pav from the Nau

A Short History of the Vada Pav - Saira Menezes

Fantasy (mostly just harry potter and lord of the rings)

Purebloods and Mudbloods: Race, Species, and Power (from The Politics of Harry Potter)

Azkaban: Discipline, Punishment, and Human Rights (from The Politics of Harry Potter)*

Good and Evil in J. R. R. Tolkien’s Lengendarium - Jyrki Korpua

The Fairy Story: J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis - Colin Duriez (from Tree of Tales)*

Tolkien’s Augustinian Understanding of Good and Evil: Why The Lord of the Rings Is Not Manichean - Ralph Wood (from Tree of Tales)*

Travel

The Hidden Cost of Wildlife Tourism

Chronicles of a Writer’s 1950s Road Trip Across France - Kathleen Phelan

On the Early Women Pioneers of Trail Hiking - Gwenyth Loose

On the Mythologies of the Himalaya Mountains - Ed Douglas*

More random assorted ones

The cosmos from the wheelchair (The Economist obituaries)*

In El Salvador - Joan Didion

Scientists are unravelling the mystery of pain - Yudhijit Banerjee

Notes on Nationalism - George Orwell

Politics and the English Language - George Orwell*

What Do the Humanities Do in a Crisis? - Agnes Callard*

The Politics of Joker - Kyle Smith

Sushant Singh Rajput: The outsider - Uday Bhatia*

Credibility and Mystery - John Berger

happy reading :)

I spent the day watching a Contrapoints youtube video which she has been teasing since last month, and finally released yesterday, six months after it's predecessor. Which had me wondering, if I could ever reach that level of excellence to take my time into creating a masterpiece at the cost of losing relevance to the infamous social media algorithm. Because if it were me, no draft is perfect enough, which is why I never edit my write ups, and post them almost the same instant as they are typed, for the alternate reality to this scenario for me isn't a polished magnum opus, it's me never writing or posting at all.

The truth about writing for an external audience isn't the ecstasy over getting your words validated by a stranger, it is the juxtaposition of an irrational anxiety of exposing a piece of your heart to a stranger, over the aforementioned ecstasy. It is twisting and turning mentally as you struggle deciding for or against a sentence, a letter, an emotion to be put out for consumption, while at the same time wishing to have no other purpose in life but this. As Rega Jha aptly puts: "It kills me every week and is the only life I want." When it comes to part-time-collator-of-words-that-seldom-make-sense, as yours truly, the anxiety around writing and the subsequent procrastination makes even lesser sense , for we do not really write for an audience, nor do we write for funding a bed and bread for ourselves. We write, because we simply can. So why then, have we considered overthinking about our content that we may or may not ultimately put out, as a rite of passage for creating content in the first place?

An ode to sunsets

My main character energy on a supporting character budget always felt that life is an elaborate plot of an extremely overstretched romcom. Sunsets I believe are the meet-cutes from nature. It is so wild to even imagine the fact that the sun we see is the very same, everyday, all around the world. Yet every day , there is a unique scenery of twilight gifted to treat your eyes. I have been in different cities in the same state in the same country all my life, and I have personally witnessed the sunsets in one to be different from another. That's part of the alluring charm of dusk, you never know what to expect, what colours to fill the sky, what shape of the clouds will play in front of your eyes, but are almost certainly sure for it to happen whether you managed to witness it or not. The funny part of it all is how the skies change colors by the second in the last few minutes of the sun sun setting down at the horizon.

I think we all lose a little innocence of our childhood the day we learn in our science and geography lessons about the Sun being a static star, and our very own Earth being the one slowly rotating around it, every second of every day. That all the poetic romanticism about the Sun rising in the east and setting down in the west is nothing but the Earth itself rotating about it's own axis. Maybe that's nature's way of telling us that dusk and dawns aren't really gifted to us by the Sun, but what the Earth makes out of the Sun's presence. Maybe that is what beauty, love, romance and life is. It's never really someone's external presence in our lives but what we ourselves make of their presence, what makes them and us beautiful.

#sunsets #love #dusk #sunrise #nature #beautiful earth #romance

s-t-y-l-e-t-s

I just think that sunsets are nothing but meet-cutes from nature, with no one but yourself.

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welt-sehenerleben

I read somewhere that just before we die we see images of our life passing quickly by before they are slowly swallowed away into a cloud of mist . As if life itself is nothing but these images of things we've done and those left to do acting as flashes of our existence , before they exist no longer.

Maybe that is what death is, the fading of memories.

So let me tell you this, every day when you forget about me a little more than the day before, like a sepia toned photograph getting eaten at the edges little by little before it crumbles down into a pile of dust, maybe it's the memory that you're aiming to kill , but it's me who dies.

#love #memories

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