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          —— 𝓲'𝓶 𝓷𝓸𝓫𝓸𝓭𝔂'𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓸𝓵 !!

grave suggestions //  @prsstrt  //  selectively accepting 

      AT  TIMES  LIKE  THIS  chat  wishes  he  was  more  open  about  his  feelings .  how  strange  it  is  that  he  lives  his  life  constantly  in  the  spotlight ;  whether  it  be  saving  the  city  from  daily  disaster  or  having  his  latest  photoshoot  plastered  on  every  wall  in  paris  —  &  yet  the  boy  feels  none  of  the  people  who  watch  him  shine  really  knows  him .  in  fact  there’s  few  people  he  thinks  knows  him ,  the  real  him .

                            LADYBUG  WAS  ONE  OF  THEM .

      PERHAPS  IT’S  PREDICTABLE  for  him  to  fall  for  his  partner .  in  the  stories  he’s  read  as  a  child  chat’s  found  it’s  a  frequent  plot  that  the  hero  falls  for  their  sidekick .  chat  wouldn’t  consider  himself  the  hero  between  the  two  of  them .  no  that  was  all  her ,  shining  like  the  morning  sun  as  she  conquers  the  foes  before  her .  in  truth  chat  may  be  predictable  but  when  he  spends  his  days  with  someone  so  incredible ,  someone  so  breathtaking  …  how  was  he  supposed  to  fall  head  over  heels ?

      HOWEVER  THERE’S  COMPLICATIONS  in  his  situation .  but  when  was  love  ever  simple ?  while  he  wishes  things  could  be  as  easy  as  professing  his  love  &  being  with  her  —  their  positions  as  heroes  make  everything  more  difficult .  for  how  is  he  to  love  her  in  entirety  if  they  don’t  know  the  entirety  of  each  other ?  their  masks  hide  their  faces  &  cover  their  hearts .  but  oh  how  chat  wishes  he  be  rid  of  this  disguise  &  allow  himself  to  bear  his  whole  self .  

      LOVE  IS  A  FOOLS’  GAME ,  but  who  is  but  the  foolish  cat  that  acts  on  his  heart  &  not  his  head ?  but  here  &  now  it’s  his  heart  that  feels  heavy .  to  no  fault  but  his  own  he  feels  the  twinge  of  heartache  as  his  catlike  eyes  meet  her  blue  ones .  ladybug’s  expression  is  pensive  &  melancholy .  the  look  she  gives  him  alone  is  enough  to  make  his  heart  throb  painfully  in  his  chest .  

      HE’S  ALWAYS  TREATED  HIS  AFFECTIONS  LIKE  A  GAME ,  a  game  he  was  secretly  serious  about  but  was  too  cowardly  to  be  straightforward  about .  in  his  most  desperate  dreams  she  plays  along  with  him .  he  dreams  that  behind  the  snark  &  the  teasing  she  cares  for  him  too .  but  even  the  most  beautiful  of  dreams  have  to  end .  in  the  end  chat  must  wake  up  &  face  reality .  the  reality  being  that  his  feelings  are  unrequited  &  this  look  of  anguish  ladybug’s  giving  him  now  is  his  fault .

      THE  HERO  DROPS  HIS  GAZE  TO  THE  GROUNDin  shame ,  ladybug’s  words  ringing  in  his  mind .  all  this  time  —  how  could  she  not  know ?  of  course  when  displaying  his  feelings  he’s  not  exactly  profound  but  complete  sincerity  has  always  been  there  underneath  the  surface .  she’s  the  only  one  for  him .  she’s  the  only  one  who’s  ever  made  his  heart  soar  &  make  him  feel  like  he’s  lighter  than  air .  she’s  the  only  one  who  holds  his  heart  &  she  doesn’t  even  know  it .

      ❛    IT’S  SIMPLE  —    ❜  after  moments  of  silence  he  finally  speaks ,  his  tone  covered  in  faux  causality .  he’s  trying  not  to  come  on  too  strong  all  the  while  he  feels  as  if  he  might  explode  from  all  the  intense  feelings  whirring  inside  him .  ❛    …  i  love  you ,  ladybug .    ❜  chat  feels  a  blush  rise  to  his  cheeks  &  neck  &  is  thankful  his  mask  &  costume  covers  most  of  him .  ❛    i  really  mean  it .  i’d  go  to  the  ends  of  the  earth  for  you .  just  say  the  word  &  i’ll  do  it  —  i’d  do  anything  for  you ,  no  matter  the  cost .    ❜

      HE  SUDDENLY  FEELS  COMPELLED  to  reach  for  her ,  his  gloved  hands  taking  her’s  &  giving  them  a  gentle  squeeze .  ardent  adoration  in  his  eyes  as  he  pulls  her  close  to  him .  in  a  burst  of  bravery  he  raises  a  hand  to  cup  her  face  tenderly .  his  eyes  never  leave  her’s  as  he  speaks  again ,  his  voice  soft  &  sincere .  ❛    i  want  to  be  with  you ,  ladybug ,  as  more  than  a  partner .  that  is ,  if  you’ll  let  me .    ❜ 

      SHE  GIVES  A  SMALL  NOD  &  chat  feels  as  if  he  could  fly .  in  his  joy  he  draws  closer .  his  heart  pounds  in  his  chest  as  he  leans  into  her ,  his  hand  on  her  cheek  pulling  her  closer .  he’s  never  felt  so  bold .  if  you’d  told  him  he’d  be  here  with  his  lady  & about  to  have  his  first  kiss  —  he  wouldn’t  believe  it  in  a  million  years .  &  yet  here  he  is .  he  hear  her  heartbeat  now .  they’re  inches  apart  now .  almost  there  …

                                     &  THEN  HE  WAKES  UP .

      ADRIEN  AGRESTE  WAKES  UP  IN  HIS  ROOM ,  immediately  bolting  upright  in  bed  as  he  feels  his  heart  pound  through  his  chest .  the  events  from  moments  prior  rush  in  his  mind  like  an  instant  reply .  his  eyes  are  wide  briefly  before  they  fall  to  his  lap  in  disappointment .  oh .  it’d  been  a  dream .

      HE  SHOULDN’T  BE  SURPRISED .  after  all  what  happened  just  seemed  too  good  to  be  true .  in  what  world  would  ladybug  ever  return  his  feelings  like  that ?  a  boy  can  dream  though  &  in  fact  he  did .  however  it  doesn’t  stop  the  twinge  of  pain  he  feels  knowing  that  brief  moment  of  euphoria  wasn’t  real ,  that  in  reality  ladybug  doesn’t  love  him  &  he’s  left  alone  pining  after  a  girl  who  could  never  understand  just  how  much  he  cares  for  her .

this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion.  i’ve divided it up into two categories  ( light  &  dark )  based on the themes.  some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions.  please be cautious before continuing on!!

L I G H T

‘  at night i dream of you.  ’ ‘  don’t give up yet.  you still have time to fix things.  ’ ‘  falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack.  ’ ‘  i am still so weak when it comes to you.  ’ ‘  i can’t believe i let myself let you down.  ’ ‘  i don’t care where we go when we die,  as long as i’m with you.  ’ ‘  i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late.  ’ ‘  i feel so warm  &  safe when you talk to me.  maybe i could love you if you’d let me.  ’ ‘  i finally let the right people in  &  i have never felt so loved.  ’ ‘  i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone.  ’ ‘  i lived in your permafrost for twenty years  &  then you looked at me  &  i felt the warmth of spring.  ’ ‘  i once wished you’d leave me alone,  but i take it back.  ’ ‘  i want to be able to love someone else,  but you stretch your arms  &  spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else.  ’ ‘  i want to believe that we got it right this time.  ’ ‘  i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely.  ’ ‘  i would travel across the world to be by your side,  because as long as you are with me,  anywhere is a perfect place to me.  ’ ‘  it took me awhile to realize it myself,  but you are not what other people say you are.  ’ ‘  it’s not that i really need you,  but life would be pretty boring without you around.  there’s no one i would rather be with.  ’ ‘  i’d like to stay like this for awhile.  ’ ‘  life  &  death don’t have to be so boring,  let’s make both an adventure.  ’ ‘  life imitates art,  they say.  i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke.  ’ ‘  live your life so that when you die,  souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales.  ’ ‘  make your exes jealous  &  your past self proud.  ’ ‘  maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on.  ’ ‘  never get caught falling harder.  they’ll never let you back up.  ’ ‘  please don’t go.  ’ ‘  some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it  &  succumb.  ’ ‘  sometimes,  you’ll find it hard to keep going,  but you always will.  ’ ‘  the desire i feel for you is that same itching,  insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction.  ’ ‘  the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad.  ’ ‘  there is absolutely nothing  &  no one who can stop me.  ’ ‘  there is no route of losing you that is without pain.  ’ ‘  there’s still room for adventure  &  there is no one i’d rather have by my side.  ’ ‘  things didn’t turn out the way i planned,  but i’m alright with that.  ’ ‘  we could be really incredible together,  you know?  ’ ‘  you are beautiful  &  vibrant  &  confident.  you are light  &  laughter incarnate  &  every fiber of your being screams freedom  &  joy.  when i am with you,  i am truly happy.  ’ ‘  you are starlight incarnate,  from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think.  blessed are any to be loved by you.  ’ ‘  you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you.  ’ ‘  you call me yours  &  i have no idea what that even means to you.  ’ ‘  you remind me of bubblegum  &  sweets;  soft  &  pink  &  warm.  you are strong in the gentlest way.  you are so stubbornly kind.  i wish i could be like that.  ’ ‘  you still visit me while i sleep sometimes.  your fingers trace my spine  &  i listen to you breathe.  please stop haunting me.  ’ ‘  ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you.  ’

D A R K

❝ shut up, ❞ there is something that flows through her that is poisonous like HATRED and she thinks, for shreds of moments and a handful of seconds : that she hates him. him, and his false serenity, and his eyes on her ——— watching her ——— pitying her. she cannot keep the hostility out of her voice and couldn’t even BEGIN to care enough to attempt and there is so much fury inside of her that she can just feel where it begins / yet not where it ends. because it does not end. because it cannot end. because all she has become is her anger and her grief and her NEVER ENDING WEALTH OF DESPAIR, choking on her hopelessness, asphyxiating on her damned love.

she hates yuki ——— and doesn’t ——— and she is blinded by her fear / by the darkness that THEIR ALMIGHTY GOD has laid over her eyes / a mockery of peace in knowing that she cannot hurt the one she loves most, anymore. selfishly, so selfishly, she misses, sudden and painful as a stab to her stomach, the twilight days of their CHILDHOOD / the days and nights and sprawling hours that she had spent with hatsuharu / the false feeling of freedom that she had known, once upon a time / that far off happiness.

❝ what i’m trying to do ——— it’s not any of your business, ❞ the ennui that often seems to envelop her ( a mask, a facade, a falsity constructed to defend and to drive away and only ONE is allowed past her barrier ) as long since fallen away in favor of her biting words and snapping teeth and she, irrationally and terribly, wants to hurt him.

but then ——— is she any different than their god? ( please, please, please please, please ——— let her be good. )

❝ you can keep on playing your pretty little game of house, ❞ SHE WANTS TO HURT HIM / BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO HURT HERSELF / and isn’t that the cruelest fact of all? that she is so hurt and bruised and broken ——— shattered inside and bleeding out from every last wound that was left on her / that there’s nothing left for her to hurt. but she knows, she knows, she knows. yuki hurts, too. is hurting, too. now / and always / and what a pair they make !! in their macabre and terrible similarities.

she’s nauseous / sick to her stomach / ready to collapse to her knees and weep like a child / until he brings him to her / until he comforts her ——— he, who? either. neither. none.

❝ but you know as well as i do that it’s all going to FALL APART and in the end, nothing is going to change, ❞ she thinks of that place and that window and that room and the hands which she had once venerated grabbing her / grasping her / and she was limp within that cold and cruel grasp / and silent as she fell / and silent as she broke.

rin has been broken well before THEIR GOD decided to play, after all. and she sees it, that warped and sickening reflection : how similar / dissimilar their fractures are. ( it’s coming ——— that place ——— which she had once brought her heart to : to gift upon him his love / she can feel its shadows reaching for her / and she’s terrified. )

and she wonders, disjointed and horrified, if when they fall apart ( that house and that happiness and that suspension of reality with that PRECIOUS GIRL and her UNNATURAL SMILE ) if it will be silent. or will it burn, screaming? will they fight? against god? they’re stupid enough to. they’re idiotic enough to. they’re ——— and she’s ———

❝ ——— and SHE’S going to get hurt, too, ❞ a girl is a gun / and aiming to kill / and she leaves in a furious flurry / and remembers him as he once was : pretty as a picture ; just like her.

how similar they are. how SELFISH they are. whether or not he wants to admit it : she knows. she knows. she knows.

( * nonverbal starters | @prsstrt​ )🍁 play with my muse’s hair🌺 put a flower in my muse’s hair

   HER HAIRCUT HADN’T been a voluntary decision–––– it had been the only way she could protect herself, a moment where she’d had to decide between life or death–––– and perhaps that was why she was so nervous about it. though paya had been kind enough to even it out for her once they’d made it to kakariko, zelda found herself worrying about it quite often. other than attempting to move her hair out of the way when she changed or put something around her neck and grabbing nothing, she found she had developed something of a nervous habit of running her fingers through her hair, feeling the shorter strands and letting her hand drop in a sad, heavy way the moment she reached the ends.

   OF COURSE, IT was silly of her to think that link wouldn’t notice. he seemed to know everything about her with ease. her favorite foods, her family, her history  –––– her most recent insecurity was simply another thing to add to that list ( it was more reassuring than she could explain, knowing someone knew her in a different way than she knew herself, it always made him perfect for a second opinion ).

    SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE been surprised when she settled down in the grass to read through her last few research notes and link settled just behind her, but she was. his usual spot was just off to her side, but she chose not to question his shift in placement. her legs had just criss––––crossed underneath her, her book opened as their horses grazed just a few feet away, and the first touch to her hair felt like a passing breeze. it took a second touch–––– clearly bolder, and yet still very gentle–––– before she realized that the brush she felt was link running his hands through her hair.

    HER HEAD TURNED just a bit, enough to catch his gaze with her own. she studied his expression, curious and permission seeking ( and perhaps a bit guilty, as if he thought he was doing something wrong ), and she hoped the gentle upturn of her lips, a smile partially hidden just in the way she’d turned her head, was enough to reassure him that his touch was welcome.

    AFTER A MOMENT of hesitation, his hands brushing through her hair continued, and she did her best to focus on her notes, but the constant reminder of link playing in her hair would constantly steal her attention. though he had told her he liked the style, this was more telling than any word he could ever say, and she was sure that he knew it. knowing that, no matter how she changed her appearance, it wouldn’t change link’s opinion of her–––– link’s undoubtedly positive opinion, she was sure now after months of observation–––– was reassuring in the best way.

    HIS MOTIONS STOPPED, and zelda wondered if he’d gotten bored of the action ( she wouldn’t blame him for it, and he had already done more than enough to lift her spirits ). she spent a few moments finally focused on her journal before his hands returned. one brushed a few strands away with a touch so gentle she was almost afraid to take a breath, while the other tucked a flower ( a silent princess, she could tell the moment the petals entered the corner of her vision ) into her hair.

    HER OWN HAND followed their path, tracing the separated strands and the flowers petals before her fingers brushed against it’s stem tucked just behind her ear. her shock was quickly replaced by an elation so strong she could have abandoned her notes completely to spend the rest of the afternoon braiding flowers into his hair and pressing kisses wherever she could reach.

    INSTEAD, SHE LEANED back, resting against his legs to peak up at his face, unable to stop the gentle peals of laughter that sounded at his surprised expression. zelda reached up to brush a bit of hair from his face–––– somewhere in the back of her mind she noted that it was almost time for him to have a haircut–––– taking on of his hands in hers as she lowered it, playing with his fingers but never looking away.

late nights.  //  @prsstrt

      IT’S  NOT  UNCOMMON  FOR  HIM  to  be  awake  at  this  hour .  of  course  as  someone  who  does  their  best  to  be  a  honorable  &  orderly  student ,  yusuke  tries  (  emphasis  on  tries  )  to  go  to  sleep  at  a  decent  time .  however  his  mind  is  ever  restless ,  ever  wandering .  if  he’s  not  thinking  of  future  projects  for  his  art  he’s  pondering  the  complicated  elements  of  life  or  figuring  his  budget  for  the  week .  &  that’s  not  even  mentioning  the  times  where  he’s  actually  risen  from  his  bed  to  pursue  some  art  endeavor  in  the  wee hours  of  the  morning .

      HE’S  LYING  AWAKE  IN  BED ,  scrolling  through  his  phone  on  some  art  blog  hoping  to  gain  some  piece  of  inspiration .  however  it’s  been  hours  at  this  point  &  he’s  close  to  simply  calling  it  a  night .  he  has  little  awareness  of  the  lateness  of  the  hour  nor  does  he  really  care .  he’s  gone  without  sleep  plenty  of  times .  once  more  will  hardly  do  any  harm .

      HE’S  JUST  ABOUT  TO  TURN  OFF  his  phone  &  going  to  sleep  when  a  notification  appears  on  his  phone  screen ,  the  vibration  of  his  phone  stirring  him  into  a  more  awake  state .  he’s  not  surprised  that  the  message’s  sender  is  futaba .  as  far  as  he’s  aware  she’s  the  only  member  of  the  team  who’s  prone  to  late  night  rendezvous . however  message  itself  is  befuddling ,  barely  any  clear  words  typed  upon  the  text  message .  though  one  word  stands  out  to  him  ‘ HELP ’  written  in  all  caps .  yusuke  would  not  necessarily  consider  himself  heroic  despite  being  a  member  of  a vigilante  group  but  he  cannot  abandon  such  a  blatant  cry  for  help  from  a  friend .

      HE  RISES  FROM  HIS  PLACE  IN  BED ,  quickly  throwing  his  tan  jacket  over  his  striped  periwinkle  pajama  set  &  putting  on  a  pair  of  slippers  before  exiting  his  dorm  room .  he  moves  with  surprising  swiftness ,  his  expression  stony  as  he  takes  long  strides  to  the  subway  station .  there  is   worry  in  his  wake  as  he  moves  though  it’s  not  at  all  evident  within  his  expression  nor  his  body language .  he’s  learned  how  to  visibly  hide  his  emotions  throughout  the  years  when  need  be  due  to  madarame’s  dislike  for  him  causing  a scene  when  he  was  younger .

      YUSUKE’S  RARELY  TRAVELED  THROUGH  THE  CITY  so  late  at  night .  under  madarame  he’d  had  a  fairly  early  curfew  &  otherwise  he  really  never  saw  a  need  to .  while  the  city’s  nightlife  greatly  intrigues  him  from  an  artist  standpoint ,  it  only  goes  so  far  &  he’d  rather  not  be  out  alone  at  night  simply  to  observe  people .  not  that  he’s  against  going  out  at  night  should  need  be .  if  he  was  he  wouldn’t  be  out  right  now  despite  his  lack  of  navigational  skills  &  knowledge  of  the  tokyo  subway  system .  he  wonders  if  he  was  perhaps  the  wrong  choice  to  contact  in  this  state  of  emergency .  hopefully  he  doesn’t  get  them  further  lost .

      HE  STRUGGLES  WITH  THE CONFLICT  of  wanting  to  arrive  as  soon  as  possible  but  also  desiring  to  be  careful  with  his  directions  to  avoid  getting  lost .  therefore  he  travels  at  a  staggering  pace ,  at  some  points  moving  fairly  quickly  &  others  moving  a  slow  as  time  trying  to  understand  his  surroundings .  but  he  does  eventually  make  it  to  shinjuku  in  a  little  under  an  hour .  now  the  only  task  is  locating  futaba .

      EVEN  IN  BROAD  DAYLIGHT  yusuke  considers  it  difficult  to  find  the  hacker  in  a  crowd .  futaba  is  significantly  short  &  tends  to  only  wear  muted  colors  that  blend  into  the  background .  had  her  hair  not  been  so  vibrantly  red  he’d  consider  her  almost  always  indistinguishable  amongst  the  crowd .  considering  her  dislike  of  crowds  &  public  attention  perhaps  she  intends  to  be  that  way  yusuke  wonders .  in  any  case  yusuke  has  a  more  keen  eye  for  detail  than  the  average  tokyo  citizen .  therefore  he  can  locate  futaba  faster  than  others  about  80%  of  the  time .

      HIS  EYES  ROVE  FROM  STOREFRONT to  storefront  as  he  moves  down  the  bustling  city  street .  how  fascinating  that  even  at  such  a  late  hour  the  city  is  still  full  of  people  wide  awake  in  search  of  adventure .  though  he  wonders  if  that  has  anything  to  do  with  the  fact  that  the  red  light  district  was  in  this  are .  he  gains  multiple  sets  of  eyes  following  as  he  searches ,  the  night  lurkers  perhaps  curious  of  his  slight  frantic  behavior  or  amused  that  he’s  clearly  out  in  his  pajamas .  nevertheless  yusuke  pays  no  mind  to  it .  he’s  been  stared  at  before  —  in  fact  he’s  been  stared  at  all  his  life .  people  would  gawk  at  him  like  he  was  a  strange  creature  in  a  zoo  or  a  precious  artifact  in  a  museum  &  no  in  between .  it  may  have  bothered  him  when  he  was  a  child  but  he’s  long  grown  numb  to  stranger’s  gazes .  besides  he  has  more  important  things  to  worry  about  than  people  who  can’t  mind  their  own  business .

      ONCE  HE  REACHES  THE  AREA  in  which  futaba  is  finding  yusuke  finds  her  almost  instantly ,  stopping  dead  in  his  tracks  as  his  eyes  catch  a  familiar  flash  of  red  hair  close  to  the  ground  in  front  of  a  shoddy  looking  bar .  with  no  hesitation  he  strides  over  to  her ,  his  ever  growing  worry  finally starting  to  show  across  his  face  as  he  reaches  her .  

      FUTABA  IS  ON  THE  GROUND ,  huddled  up  with  her  arms  wrapped  around  her  knees  &  her  face  buried  in  her  legs .  even  in  the  low  city  lights  yusuke  can  see  her  trembling  slightly .  the  whole  situation  is  unsettling  to  him  as  to  be  expected .  however  unlike  a  more  prepared  individual  yusuke  has  no  idea  how  to  go  about  the  situation .  

      HE’S  COME  TO  FETCH  HER  from  places  before  but  she’d  been  ready  then .  this  encounter  is  completely  unmarked  territory .  he  doesn’t  know  if  he  ought  to  try  &  soothe  her  or  if  she’d  find  that  demeaning .  seeing  her  in  such  a  low  state  tugs  at  his  heartstrings  in  a  way  he’s  not  familiar  with .  his  heart  feels  heavy ,  felt  heavy  ever  since  he  first  got  her  message .  could  this  heaviness  be  sympathy he  wonders .  in  any  case  whatever  lay  in  his  heart  gives  him  the  courage  to  move  forward  &  outstretch  his  hand  down  towards  her .

      ❛    FUTABA  —    ❜  his  is  softer ,  gentler  than  it  is  normally .  in  fact  the  tenderness  in  it  even  catches  him  by  surprise .  nevertheless  he  continues ,  trying  not  to  further  scare  her  as  he  speaks .  ❛    are  you  alright ?  i  apologize  i  possibly  could  have  arrived  sooner  but  …    ❜

      YUSUKE  IS  UNABLE  TO  GET  OUT  another  word  as  with  startling  swiftness  futaba  rises  from  the  ground  &  throws  herself  at  him .  she  knocks  the  wind  out  of  him  as  she  does  so ,  the  action  of  wrapping  her  arms  tightly  around  his  middle  effecting  him  like  it’d  been  a  punch  to  the  stomach .  he  gasps  quietly ,  eyes  wide  as  his  gaze  finds  her  just  as  she  buries  her  face  in  his  chest .  upon  impact  he  can  feel  his  pajama  shit  grow  damp .  oh  —  she’d  been  crying .  

      “    YUSUKE !  YOU  CAME !    ”  the  lack  of  his  affectionate  nickname  for  him  catches  him  off  guard .  &  here  he  thought  she  was  done  with  surprising  him .  “    i –  i  wasn’t  sure  at  first  if  you’d  come  but  …  i’m  glad  i  made  the  right  call .    ”  her  voice  is  significantly  more  fragile  &  broken  than  it  usually  is  &  yusuke  feels  that  pull  against  his  heartstrings  once  more .  it  allows  him  to  relax  &  reciprocate  the  hug  he’s  been  given ,  one  arm  wrapping  around  her  waist  &  the  other  rising  to  pat  her  head  soothingly . 

      WHEN  FUTABA  PULLS  AWAY  yusuke’s  able  to  see  the  the  splotchy  redness  within  her  eyes ,  confirming  his  suspicion  that  she’d  been  crying .  there’s  something  odd  to  him  about  the  way  she  looks  at  him  now .  her  eyes ,  usually  narrowed  in  focus  or  annoyance  &  marred  by  her  habitual  sleep  deprivation  —  they’re  wide  &  innocent  like  that  of  doe  in  the  wilderness .  he  can’t  deny  there’s  a  strange  sort  of  beauty  to  the  way  she  looks .  there’s  something  so  pure ,  raw  about  it  but  perhaps  that’s  maybe  because  she’s  shown  such  vulnerability  to  him  personally .  he  has  yet  to  decide  how  he  feels  about  it .

      HE  COUGHS  SLIGHTLY  AWKWARDLY ,  forcing  himself  out  of  his  state  of  observation .  now  was  not  the  time  to  be  analyzing  her .  he  had  to  take  her  home .  ❛    well ,  i’m  glad  i  was  able  to  find  you  in  one  piece .    ❜  his  voice  returns  to  it’s  usual  polite  formalness  though  it  sounds  slightly  forced  this  time  around .  he  takes  a  step  into  the  street ,  turning  back  &  offering  his  hand  to  her  once  again .  he’s  not  one  to  initiate  touch  as  it  makes  him  uncomfortable  but  tonight  he  will  cast  aside  his  own  discomforts  to  ensure  futaba  feels  safe .  ❛    shall  i  escort  you  home ?  i’m  sure  sojiro  is  concerned  of  your  whereabouts .    ❜

      FUTABA  NODS ,  THE  SMALLEST  OF  SMILES  appearing  on  her  face  as  she  gingerly  takes  his  hand  into  her  smaller  one .  his  pace  slower  than  it  had  been  when  he’d  arrived  in  shinjuku ,  yusuke  leads  her  through  the  crowded  streets .  he  does  his  best  to  be  careful  with  her .  not  that  he  thinks  she  necessarily  needs  to  be  protected  &  sheltered  but  he  understands  she’s  in  a  very  fragile  state  right  now  &  it’d  be  best  not  to  add  to  that .

      THE  WALK  IN  SILENCE  for  several  minutes  until  they’re  about  halfway  to  the  station .  he  feels  a  gentle  squeeze  to  his  &  turns  to  see  futaba  giving  him  that  wide  eyed  look  that  had  so  surprised  him  earlier .  "    inari ?  thank  you  for  coming  to  get  me .  i  don’t  know  what  i  would  have  done  if  no  one  came  for  me .  you  didn’t  have  to  come  but  you  did  so  …  thank  you .    ”

      ❛    OF  COURSE .    ❜  he  says  a  smile  appearing  on  his  face  for  the  first  time  tonight .  ❛    if  you  are  unable  to  have  akira  fetch  you  in  the  future  you  can  always  contact  me .  i’d  rather  not  have  you  in  this  state  again .     ❜  this  statement  strangely  brings  a  light  blush  to  the  girls  cheeks ,  completely  confusing  yusuke  as  she  nods  in  silence  before  shifting  her  gaze  to  the  ground .

❝ ——— okay, ❞ a simple, single-syllabic word, spoken not gently but as kindly as his voice modulates to on any given day, at any given moment. as if it’s as simple as that. it’s as simple as that.

it’s been a long, winding, stretching sort of day. sojiro had made a comment or other and his attention had been caught, piqued, ensnared in such a minor detail : THAT HE HADN’T SEEN HER SINCE YESTERDAY IN THE EARLY AFTERNOON. he seems almost resigned to that / and akira tries not to resent him for it / though he doesn’t try. not really. nonetheless, a comment had been made and determination sparked within him and the moment his shift ended he had found himself knocking on the door of her room : intrusive and undemanding in his request to be allowed in. and, when the door opened, and she was wan and quiet and worn within the dark enclosure of her room, lit by her computer and little else, he had let himself in. quiet as ever. quiet as death.

he had settled himself at the floor against her bed with a single, small book that he has read again and again, its spine worn and fraying and its pages full of annotations, and he had been unassuming and unwanting in her presence. content to simply be. content to simply be with her in such a manner so as to lull them both into something that plays at COMFORT for all that it wasn’t / could not be / may never be. she spoke little, crouched at her computer / and he rarely speaks at all. a pair they both make : cast off, willingly / unwillingly.

time passes, as it is wont to do, inexorable and absolute. the sun arches its way over the sky, and sets, and the door beneath opens as sojiro arrives home, announcing his presence, evidently unphased by the lack of call in return. he remains silent / she remains silent. the quite is broken only by the click of her mouse and the flurry of her fingers over the board and he doesn’t ask / not because he doesn’t CARE / but because it is her business and he is content to leave it to her : whether it be hacking or spying or simply chatting.

hours slip by and the moon rises and his phone buzzes and when he checks it, there is a request awaiting him and he stands / and stops / and she speaks. a small, plaintive request, from her chest : an act of bravery. there are fingers curled in his sleeve and he looks down at her and knows, instinctively / immediately that he will not leave. for her, for her, for her.

there lives within him an unshakable devotion. a bottomless love.

❝ i’ll stay, ❞ he speaks again, not because he feels required nor pressured to, but because he wishes to. to assuage her fears. the little comfort that he is able to offer to her. and he sits again, closer to her now, back resting against a leg of her desk / curled up beside her. the house all around them is silent but for the creaking of her ghosts / and his ghosts / and the walls, themselves.

the moon yawns : and watches them.