stef

“You’ve got some pretty big coconuts pulling that kind of stunt last night.”

“Bro I’m warning you. You don’t wanna start with me.”

“I was attacked by a bear.”

“That’s because the gargoyle king wants me and Jughead to be together. We’re gonna be a ship.”

“Ethelhead? In your dreams.”

“Because we’re endgame, Archie”

“Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world.”

“A vughead kiss, right now in the present might be precisely what it takes to save a future bughead from imploding.”

“I dropped out in the fourth grade to run drugs to support my nana.”

“That means you haven’t known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.”

“You’ve given me the kiss of life Archie Andrews. Now I’ve given it to your dad.”

“Because if you did I might have to punish you.”

“I’m coo coo bananas for you.”

“SHUT THE HELL UP IMPOSTER.”

“I’m gonna make my bones.”

and of course

Expectations/Overture: Chill, relaxed happy, kinda a buildup to the rest of the album

Feelings: Lonely, looking for love, tired of being single .

What I need (feat. Kehlani): Found someone but getting mixed signals??? Why are you keeping me at a distance? Are you hiding me? WHAT DO YOU WANT???? We could be good together!!

Sleepover: I want to be with you so bad but you dont want that :( at least i can fantasize about us.

Mercy/Gatekeeper: i cant stop thinking about you and it hurts. I cant tell you how i feel because i might mess things up. I need to get away and get a fresh start.

Under the blue/Take Me In: We get together, bow chika bow wow but like cool and gay,

Curious: so you’re avoiding me and you’re back with your boy toy but im too cool for this so its all chill. Ps are you really with him what are we stop playing with my emotions like this.

xx: why’d you do it? vibes. No words. Confused?

Wanna be Missed: why you dont want me? You were so into me and said all those things and made me feel like this now where did you go?

He’ll Never Love You (HNLY): You clearly want me, why are you with him im the one for you, we would better than you and him would ever be.

Palm Dreams: im going home. Partying and being here if you want me. Living life and moving forward. This is my place.

Molecules: youre really gone and im trying to move forward. Trying to feel again. Ive lost you.

Let It Be: i have to move on but i miss you and its hard. Feelings are hard.

do i hate it? no. do i like it? no. am i trapped in this hell hole bc i’m cursed to try to see it through to the end, just in case it gets better? yes.

so let’s see what problems do i have with it there’s a lot here and i might be forgetting some so strap into ur seats kiddos

erasure of jughead’s asexuality

he’s aroace in the comics, and very clearly romance/touch repulsed

even if you favor gay jughead over aroace jughead, that’s still erasing his sexuality by having him be with betty!!!

depicting a sexual relationship between a minor and an adult

even if you yell “well, kj isn’t a minor!!” it doesn’t matter!! the character he plays, archie, is in fact a minor!!!

depicting sexual relationships between minors

“but every 16 year old has sex!” you shout, physically manifesting spiders into my home.  you need to remember though that this is media consumed by adults, adults watching literal children in sexual situations?? if that doesn’t make u take a step back a bit, i think u need to rethink ur life, bud.  also, no, not every 16 year old doesn’t have sex where the fuck r u.  how many times am i goinng to have to hear that excuse from the Straighties regarding this.  also why are u so invested in watching 16 year olds have sex in the first place why are u so defensive about it

queerbaiting

ya u can make veronica and betty kiss!!!!!!! but they aren’t gay and never will be!!!! nope!!!!!

we can have fuck ass incest on this show but a gay romance between 2 leads? unheard of

Generally Problematique Things

jughead making suicide jokes

kevin’s biphobia towards moose, telling him he should stick with girls

using trauma as a plot point with no lasting effects

Core Four + Hogwarts Houses