lola

“Even if I’d known the right thing to say, I probably couldn’t have said it. Speech destroys the functions of love,”

“He was the toughest guy in our gang (maybe even tougher than Jamie Gallant, I thought privately), but he was also the guy who made the best peace. He had a way about it. I’d seen him sit down on the curb next to a little kid with a scraped knee, a kid he didn’t even fucking know, and get him talking about something- the Shrine Cirus that was coming to town or Huckleberry Hound on TV- until the kid forgot he was supposed to be hurt. Chris was good at it. He was tough enough to be good at it.”

also just so u know this takes place kind of like it did in the book where chris died SUPER young (like straight out of college i think??) but i’ve tweaked it a bit so chris and gordie live together in a house. also they don’t have any children yet ✋

idk why, but i think gordie’s first reaction to hearing chris was killed would be disbelief. he’s just never imagined his life without chris so it’d be hard to believe that he’ll never see him again, ya know? gordie would be like: nope that can’t be chris. it’s just probably someone who looks like him. nope. liar.

but then i’m sure it would sink it later on and he’d just break down.

during the evening after five when chris would usually arrive home from work (lawyer tingz) gordie would call his work (specifically his office) and chris would never answer and he'd began to leave a voice message like:

"hey where tf are u?? dinners done and it's gonna get cold..? where are u"

i feel like sometimes he would just forget chris is gone bc he’s not used to it, or he would need to pretend he’s just at work to feel okay.

every night gordie would literally just sleep alone in a bed for two ppl. not even in the middle he would still stay on his side of the bed and everything.

he has to get used to making meals for one and would accidentally make too much food on some occasions. that is if he could bring himself to get up and do something besides crying.

he'd be writing and he'd hurriedly finish up a chapter so he could show it to chris for his approval but um. he has no one to show it to.

he'd still wear chris's clothes just like he always did (even when he was alive) but they'd slowly stop smelling like him :’)

the house would be so disturbingly clean without chris's mess (in this im just thinking abt all the paperwork and shit chris has to do for his job, and how he also just left his dirty dishes scattered around the house) that it would literally upset gordie, so now gordie purposely leaves shit out just so the house is messier.

the house would also be a lot quieter without chris. gordie’s a super shy and quiet person ig, so like just little gordie living by himself in a house would be very quiet.

there would be little stashes of chris’s cigs around the house next to chris's desk, his nightstand and etc and since gordie doesn't smoke he just leaves it there untouched in hopes that one day chris will come back and finish smoking the box.

i feel like gordie would develop a really strange habit after he died. like sleep walking or insomnia or something. 

gordie would be cold while he slept. i think he’d blast the heater, even in summer so he could pretend chris’s body heat was there. he’d be so sweaty but i’m sure gordie wouldn’t even notice.

he’d wake up multiple times in the night. in the book gordie has nightmares abt denny bc of his death so i’m assuming the exact same thing happens to him w chris, just 1000x worse.

chris's stuff would be all around the house like literally his shampoo and tooth brush and gordie literally has panic attacks trying to put them away. he can't. he's like: i need to leave them out in case chris needs to use them.

gordie would literally die on chris's birthday oh my god. i can’t even imagine the emotions he’d feel on chris’s birthday. jesus.

i don't think he'd go to castle rock ever again. he'd pass out.

i think later on in his life he’d still have dreams abt chris but they wouldn’t be nightmares. just dreams. but as gordie gets older chris’s face would get blurrier and blurrier.

gordie would get a weighted + heated blanket and pretend it's him :'(