Prom Knight

Well, I wrote this fucking thing after an offhanded comment made while watching a livestream of someone playing through an old Nancy Drew game, so how the fuck do you think I’m doing?

the parthenon at the acropolis of athens

step 1: first of all there’s no actual ancient recipe for this shit, which is good because it sucks. but you’re making this disgusting concoction of sour wine and stale water anyway because you want to spit in the face of god

step 2: get yourself about a cup and a half of water. heat that shit up unless you want to drink it with a solid glob of honey in it like some kind of animal

step 3: think on what you’ve done in your life that’s brought you so low that you’re actually making this swill. the world is falling apart around you and yet you’re standing here making a drink designed for roman soldiers to choke down foul, likely contaminated water. do you fancy yourself hadrian, refusing sweet honeyed wine in favor of looking like one of your soldiers? or is it a morbid curiosity about the day-to-day life of an ancient past that draws you to drink of its long-forgotten wells? time and nature have labored together to bring this opportunity to you, and yet you must wonder- is this really going to be worth it? is anything?

step 4: oh hey your water’s boiling

step 5: take that feisty lad off the heat and start stirring in a tablespoon of honey and 1-2 tablespoons of red wine vinegar, depending on how impious you’re feeling. oh god, is it supposed to smell that bad? don’t worry, it is

step 6: steel yourself to take your first taste as the stench of vinegar wafts around your nose. surely just one tiny little sip won’t be so bad….oh fuck, nevermind, this shit sucks!