Alex Capricornus

THEY SHOULD’VE LET CARNAGE CALL VENOM “DADDY” LIKE HE DOES IN THE COMICS

Because on the one hand, I like the mcu spider man movies, like I think they're generally better than the other mcu avengers trilogies. And I like Tom Holland and he'd probably be at least interesting to see with Tom Hardy playing the sloppiest and most relatable venom ever.

Especially with our original Jamison and our original Dr. Octopus returning, like, that's kind of exciting, seeing Spiderman toy with interlapping universe nonsense, and the intrigue of letting Sony and Disney intermingle their Spiderman stuff.

But.

But also.

Part of venom's appeal was that it's fucking different from the goddamn mcu, which was already like a cancerous growth that couldnt be removed from our major entertainment industry organs.

"haha we know we're in a video game a la Wreck-it-Ralph"

Luigi does a Fortnite dance

some multiple universe gimmick

toad falls into the "cute adorable little guy with deep voice and is actually kind of violent" animated trope

Peach girlboss moment where she rescues herself from Bowser and someone has to make a comment about it so they can say something like "just because im a girl doesn't mean I can't fight! also sexism is BAD!"

waluigi is not in the film

Jack Black absolutely kills it as Bowser

Chris Pratt actually does a decent Italian accent but still doesn't sound like Mario

Charles Martinet has a Stan Lee esque cameo and one line

The plot introduces a villain that all the characters have to team up against to defeat including Bowser, and the villain somehow doesn't even feel like a Mario character

Toad almost says a swearword or the swear word gets replaced with a child appropriate but still recognizable substitute ( "What the Fire Flower!?!?" "You son of a BULLET")

Seth Rogan does not change his voice in any way for Donkey Kong

innuendo line referencing magic mushrooms "for the adults"

mario is mean to luigi

pop song sung by celebrity that doesn't fit in with the rest of the soundtrack