Producer Snafu

I was unaware that today was a holiday. I had a lyft come pick me up to go to my mental health clinic to attend a group therapy session. The last week has been an emotional 🎢 roller-coaster and I definitely needed to vent how greatful I was for the people that have been in my life the past 8 days. The clinic was closed, but my best friend saved me with out own talk therapy. Yee! #bipolar https://www.instagram.com/p/BosfBJPgZve/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=mtstw6nt3xi3

#clouds https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn_72d3hC0H/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=sd71lyygeeze

Here's ma new song that you can find o. Spotify! Shout out to severed digital re or dings up in Canadia! 🍁 Thems was the first niggas to put me on they net label. My goal was to be on as many re ors labels as possible so that I always had an Archive of music ro share with people, there was only myspace at the time that hosted music for people to listen to for free. There was no soundcloud or bandcamp or clyps. Ah, there was archive.org, bit I never meddled with that. I'm very thankful for sdr! ❤! https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn90MwIAwQD/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=occevul4zs1h

Today is the last day of School this is fucking me up af rn. I came into school stoic af on Monday and my teacher noticed right away. I was beclouded at the thought of the realization I had about my intense admiration for my GED Teacher. my teacher is a free spirited, loving and caring person and because of that, I gravitate towards her. I gravitate towards anyone who openly loves, because I need that love. This microblog may sound like I am victimize myself, but that is not the intent. the small amount of time that I do get to spend with my teacher is valued more than anything else I can fathom. I was a bit perplexed on Monday because the day before I was doing some research about ptsd in hopes to find info for my teacher concerning a family member. I did my typical browse on youtube to find a valid source of info on @katimorton’s yt channel and I came across a video that read “why do I want to be hugged and cared for” I’m gonna tell you right now that I have always known the answer because I didn’t receive the proper amount of love and nurturing from my biological mother. this is your textbook average info about this sort of thing, this is no big surprised and then I saw another video related to it called “why do I always get attached to my female teachers” this fucked me up before I even pressed play. i become attached to older people that are very loving and have a loving parent vibe to them. this has happened for most of my life, I have admired a lot of my friend’s mothers, my teachers, staff members at the mental health clinic, and employment . . . and pretty much anywhere I can find love. it has been established between my teacher and I that she is the mother I’ve never had and that I am her kid. Weird right? Not at all. The love is mutual and it is definitely something I can confirm that feels like a family vibe to which I have not felt in what seems forever. I have given her the last of my $150 from my gofund me campaign for her to hold till she feels confident that I can pass the test. thank you guys for contributing to my education and enabling this marvelous person to be in my life.

Thank you guys so much for contributing to my GoFundMe campaign. It amazing how much more my vision has improved. I didn't realize how old and ugly I look and everyone else. Diskore was the first homie to see me it my glasses and he had a look of adjustment on his face and said it looked good on me. My teacher noticed as soon as she saw me and said I looked intelligent and HANDSOME!!! also, do you like my shirt? I had it custom made. Thanks again, everyone. I fuckin luh you guys!

I gave my teacher a few Cd's of my music and this happened. She used to be a professional dancer before she was a teacher. I fucking love the fuck out of my teacher!

from @8pxl_ - Oasis, 2018. 37 colors.

Shout out to all the bipolar homies reppn' their bipolar diagnosis and to those coming out and those supporting their friends or family for doing so. #worldbipolarday #bipolar #bipolaraf

NGC 6334, known as the Cat's Paw Nebula, is 5,500 light years away and gets its reddish hue from ionized hydrogen atoms.

I'm picking up a new friend.

The clouds to day be lush af.

No joke, I legit love my teacher with an intense passion and I know she feels the same way about me. This isn’t what one might assume when someone mentions that they love their teacher with an intense passion, shit is mad platonic. Without a doubt, I told her that I knew that I was her favorite student and she confirmed it with a head nod and smile. In my GED class, she gives us assignments that we ourselves as students have to grade instead of her. So there isn’t really much ass kissing (or rather brown nosing if you will) involved. I knew from day one as she started the introduction of the class that I was going to enjoy coming to school. I was maybe attending my 3rd day at school and we had yet to start any curriculums, but I was moved by the fact that she expressed her dedication about how she wanted all of us to pass and that shit almost had me in fucking tears. Here’s an excerpt from that email “I wanted to convey that although we have yet to get right in to curriculums, I was touched and almost in tears in class after you expressed your dedication to ensure that your students accomplish their goals and that you truly care about their education. I'm sure that this is the motive behind each and every teacher that decides to take on the task in standing in front of a classroom to educate, but it I could tell that you truly care and i was moved by that. Thank you for expressing that because i am eager and willing to learn where I left off, which was 19 years ago in 11th grade!, I am looking forward to taking on the task of learning math and possibly enjoying it. I’ve never understood why people enjoyed math and yet, to some extent, I have always envied them for having an admiration in something i have always found quite complex.” There is way more to this email and I also mentioned my mental illnesses and learning disability. she never replied back, but she mentioned that she got it and that she loved it and was going to show it to some comity or board of some type. Perhaps I’ll have 2 go into more detail l8r about my amazing teacher, but I just wanted to let you dudes know that I am happy my teacher is in my life and I am honored af.

All my music is FREE af rn!!! . I have enabled free downloads for this weekend to express my gratitude as a thanks for those that contributed to help reach my Educational GoFundMe goal. Thank You so much for helping to obtain my G.E.D. producersnafu.bandcamp.com <3!

Andromeda.

Lush af pixel clouds by @8pxl_ - Island dreams. Done in 4-5 hours. #pixelart

I've started a GoFundMe campaign to fund my Educational Endeavor. Please consider donating if you can. The link is in the top link in my bio or click here, Anything is appreciated! https://www.gofundme.com/producer-snafu039s-ged-fund

Read with caution, below I will be discussing my experience with Self Harm and I don’t have the intent to suggest, influence or trigger anyone by what is below. I no longer Self Harm, but through the age of 16-24, I would often take my father’s razor blades from his tools to which he used for installing and repairing carpet. I know now that kids & tweens are easily influenced by friends, family, environment, entertainment, music and musicians regardless if you realize it or not. I was influenced by a classmate I 10th grade who was influenced through other fans that he saw did it in tribute of Marilyn Manson. I felt like nobody loved me, I wished I was dead , I hated myself and my parents were incredibly abusive towards me. I started doing so in my bathroom on my legs above my knees. I would write those very things I just described I felt with the blades. It went from my legs to my arms because I was running out of skin to penetrate. What I did was just mere scratches (deep enough to draw a small amount of blood) to what I would later see on the internet which in comparison was images of gore. The main reason why I did so was because of Depression. Depression was the culprit and doing so was my way of coping, because at the time, I knew nothing about coping skills. In retrospect, I did so because I wanted attention; I mainly wanted attention from those that I loved. I attempted once to show my mom my scars and wounds in hopes that she would no longer be abusive towards me, unfortunately that attempt failed because when she saw them, her reaction was to tell me that I should just cut off my arms and legs. Today I am left with cut scars on my arms that I often forget about but unless they are brought up, which my lawyer brought up at my S.S.I. hearing. I want to spread the awareness cuz Self Harm is an obvious and warning sign of severe depression and if you are awesome enough, you can help prevent the person from doing so by showing your concern & support for their emotions to which could possibly prevent them from doing so in the future, I know that if I would have had the support when I did so, I would have greatly Please be aware! #siad #depression