Sometimes it's the little things

One of the things that fascinates me about this community is how people can be drawn to the same act for so many different reasons. Fetishes, sex positions, rules and protocol… It’s so easy sometimes to match up a list of fetishes and think you’re on the same page as someone. But that only gets you halfway. Maybe. And it’s because the reasons are what matters, not the act itself.

I dated a man once who confessed his interest in tail plugs. It wasn’t something I’d ever considered before, but I was open to it. Especially in the context of this relationship, I assumed it was a humiliation thing. He liked to make me beg for things I didn’t want, then show me how wet it made me. I assumed the tail plug stemmed from the same desires. It made sense to me. He wanted a tail holding my ass open while I crawled for him. He wanted me low.

But I was wrong. That wasn’t his vision at all. For him, there was a softness to it. He wanted me to curl up against him while he caressed me—down my back and over my tail and my thighs. The tail unlocked a different kind of connection for us. It was not the mind fuck game we usually played. It was free of all that. Innocent and light. Vulnerable and tender. It gave him the freedom to touch me absentmindedly without words or expectations. It was so much deeper that I ever expected.

It’s rarely the act itself; it’s what we feel and where it takes us. It’s how we access new parts of ourselves and each other. It’s how we learn who we are at the core of our being. It’s how we grow and discover together. At the core of every act that drives us, there is meaning. The meaning is what connects us and allows us to feel truly seen—but only if it’s shared.