on hiatus

If you develop an eating disorder, you’ll be jealous of other things. You’ll be jealous of people who can eat without panicking, purging, or exercising in response. People who never measure their food or count calories. People who can enjoy food without guilt or fear or shame. People who feel confident and love their body. People who think about things other than food and their body. People who’s self worth isn’t determined by numbers. People who can form and maintain deep emotional bonds instead of isolating and pushing others away.

Remeber guys, don’t look up #kneehighsocks #shoes #girl #fashion #perfect #pretty or #legs! If you do you’re just ASKING to see thinspo. 

Remember not to look up reward, goals, or fitness either. Or original.

Or beauty. Or tea. 

Or smoke. Or cigarette. Or cola. Or quotes. 

Or today. Or self. Or mirror. Or lifestyle.

Or diary.

Or underwear. Or hair.

Or followers. Or 2k. Or happy.

Or jeans. Or Leggings. Or sweater. Or pullover. 

Or and. Or eddie.

Or bestfriends. Or myself. Or staystrong.

Or goals. Or black and white. Or monochrome. Or not me. Or gif. Or long hair.

Or brown. Or white. Or pillows.

Or princess. Or wish. Or hope. Or someday. Or sad. 

Or bazinga. 

Or classic. Or basic. 

Or alien. Or grunge. Or pale. 

Or Keep going. Or don’t give up. Or do this. Or We can do it.

Sexually explicit images are permitted as long as they are 

-Tagged correctly

-Not involving pedophilia, bestiality, or incest.

1. calculus

If you’ve ever spent a few minutes scrolling through a pro-ana/thinspo blog, you’ve probably encountered this phrase or these images. 

“Coffee and smokes, and cold diet cokes are what pretty girls are made of” chant pro-ana blogs, promoting the idea that you don’t need food, and if you use the three aforementioned items, you’ll be able to starve yourself into being “pretty”.  

Well, that’s bullshit, and I’m going to explain in detail why.

Coffee: So you’ve decided to replace food with coffee in your pursuit of your ultimate goal weight. Well, first things first, coffee is very acidic and very good at staining your teeth. Drinking it in copious amounts is going to damage and weaken your teeth, not to mention stain them. A lot of tooth whitening products can also weaken your teeth and enamel, so trying to eliminate those stains may only cause further damage. This will, of course, be amplified to the damage malnutrition and ED’s already do to your teeth- and yes, that damage will happen even if you don’t purge.

The acid in coffee doesn’t just affect your teeth though- if you’re drinking it instead of eating, it’s going to take a toll on your digestive system pretty quickly. Adding an acidic drink to an already acidic, empty stomach is going to cause some harm. Get ready for some nice, painful stomach ulcers. 

Most importantly though, your heart will be effected. Under-eating, over-exercising, purging, fasting, being underweight for your body- all these things fuck with your heart massively. Not only will the electrolyte balance in your body that regulates your heartbeat be upset, your heart will be weakened and not capable of beating properly. Add the caffeine of coffee to that, which can even cause heart palpitations in healthy people, and you’ve got a very painful, scary, and dangerous situation. 

Diet Coke: I’m not sure why diet Coke is lauded over any other diet drinks in the pro-ed community, but I’m guessing part of it must have to do with the fact that is rhymes with “smoke”.  Either way, any kind of diet soda is going to cause a lot of problems for you if you’re using it to curb your appetite. First, soda is also highly acidic, and will both stain and wear down your teeth considerably, and can also upset/damage your stomach. Even worse, constantly drinking soda instead of nourishing foods can actually leech calcium from your bones. EDs leave our bones weak to begin with, and certainly don’t need additional help from acidic drinks with no nutritional value. 

The artificial sugar in diet drinks is also not going to “trick” your body into thinking you’ve eaten- it will only increase your desire for sugar and nutrients. The combination of artificial sugars and carbonation will also likely lead to some pretty serious bloating, which is another thing EDs cause all by themselves. Combining the two will make the effect that much worse.

And then of course, there’s the same issue with caffeine as there is with coffee. Jitters, increased anxiety, heart complications, and so forth. 

Smokes: I really shouldn’t have to lay out the reasons why smoking cigarettes is bad for your health, but apparently I do. Again, smoking, like the above drinks, is going to fuck up your teeth and oral health in general pretty badly. Every-time you smoke you will be staining, rotting, and poisoning your mouth. Smoking also increases your need for vitamin C, which a lack of can also wreak havoc on your mouth. Inadequate Vitamin C is also going to damage your skin pretty badly, hand in hand with smoking. Add this to the mix of restriction and being under-weight, and you’re guaranteed to have some deep, permanent wrinkles and premature aging of the skin in no time, not to mention brittle and weak hair and nails. 

Let’s not forget your brain in all this! Nicotine dependency is a guaranteed bonus to smoking, and can greatly increase your anxiety levels, make you feel more depressed, tired, and irritable, and even dull your sense of taste and smell, just in case you were hoping to enjoy food again someday. 

And of course, cigarettes affect your heart heavily as well. If malnutrition, electrolyte imbalances, muscle wasting, and the effects of caffeine weren’t enough, smoking damages your heart, blood vessels, and puts you at a much greater risk of cardiovascular problems in general, which is pretty bad news if you’re already damaging it through your ED.

“So what?” you may be thinking. “I’ll just have DECAF coffee and caffeine free coke, and take vitamins. I’ll eat fruits and vegetables. I’ll use wrinkle cream and makeup and drink lots of water too. You can’t stop me. I’m smarter than my body and I can prevent negative side effects AND maintain a dangerously low weight.”

Well, you can’t. That’s the thing. Restricting will leave you with no energy. You’ll need caffeine to even drag yourself out of bed. The lack of fat in your diet and in your body with prevent the proper absorption of any vitamins or supplements you take. Wrinkle cream and skin care products won’t be able to undo the damage an ED and smoking deals on your skin. Fruits and vegetables won’t counter the crippling effects of starvation on the body. You can’t stop a speeding train with an outstretched finger.

If thinspo tells us anything, it’s that the desired body of those dieting and suffering from eating disorders is long, lean, thin, and waif-like.

The fact of the matter is, however, is most models and those who are naturally thin have those bodies in part due to genetics. Sure, they may follow specific food plans and exercise, but it’s usually to maintain how they *already* look.

For the longest time I would ask myself at my low weights, “Why aren’t my boobs disappearing? Why do I still have lower back fat? Why isn’t the space between my thighs wider? Why don’t I have hip bones?”

I mean, in my brain, I should have. My BMI was low enough to be considered semi-emaciated and yet parts of my body did not look like your “typical emaciated anorexic” while others did.

What everyone has to realize is not all bodies are the same. I will never look like a six-foot Victoria’s Secret model because I am short and my fat deposits in different places.

The models and thinpsos of the world are literally rare. The average person, even through dieting or restricting or exercise or disordered eating will not look like them.

Unless you have their height or bone structure or genes, your body shape is going to change depending on YOUR body type.

I hate this hashtag, and let me explain why.

First of all, a little background- the #boobsnotbones hashtag is one of many used by the recovery community on instagram and tumblr, along with such gems as “strongnotskinny” “nourishnotpunish” and “anawho”. These tags are used to reach out to and connect with other people in the process of recovery while simultaneously declaring their desire for weight restoration and wellness- They’re proclaiming their choice of health over sickness because they’re choosing #boobsnotbones. 

However, this hashtag doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

It perpetuates the idea that anorexia/eating disorders affect only (cis) women. They don’t. The stereotype that eating disorders are “womens illnesses” has created a massive stigma around males who are struggling with eating and body image. Very few men seek or receive help for their EDs. 

It perpetuates the myth that eating disorders are about being thin and recovery is about gaining weight. The vast majority of people with EDs are not underweight, and even those with restrictive EDs will not always have weight restoration be part of their recovery process. Again, this contributes to a culture of shame for those who are not underweight as a result of their ED, and also portrays EDs/recovery as being completely centered  around weight and body image. Recovery is an emotional and mental process more than it is a physical one. “Fixing” the body while not addressing the underlying causes of an eating disorder are a recipe for disaster.

Many people have developed EDs, particularly restrictive ones, after sexual abuse or assault in an attempt to shrink/eliminate their breasts. Promising someone that recovery will lead to “womanly curves” might be the absolute worst motivator for someone who feels their body’s shape did or could cause them to be violated. 

There are a significant amount of trans men who have developed EDs in the attempt to fit into a binder/pass better/relieve dysphoria. There’s also an unfortunately stubborn idea that in order to be androgynous or non-binary, someone has to be waifish. Again, painting recovery as the gaining of breasts can be really alienating for individuals who feel an aversion to exactly that, and may even experience violence as a result.

On the surface, #boobsnotbones is just a quirky, happy little hashtag one can add to their insta #recoveryjournal, under a picture of their #fearfoodfriday #pintparty, preferably with a smattering of emotes.

My biggest problem with people who dedicate their blog to attacking people who are “pro ana” since when as attacking someone with body image issues and making them feel even worse about them selves been a cure for mental illness?

Eating Disorders are an illness. This illness makes them believe they or pro ana or pro mia, whatever. How about you do something constructive and try and help these people find the resources they need to help themselves.

We don’t attack alcoholics for going to AA even though everyone there clearly wants a drink does that mean they are promoting alcoholism? No.

No where in the DSM-5 does it list “promoting eating disorders” and “encouraging impressionable people to develop disordered behaviours” as a symptom of eating disorders. Trust me, I’ve read that book plenty of times. Personally, when I call out someone for posting dangerous and toxic content, I always link them to my recovery page. I know many Anti-Pro Ana’s who also educate on the dangers that self starvation can do to the human body.

You’re right, we don’t attack alcoholics for going to AA but that’s because AA isn’t a toxic environment that encourages getting drunk, posting photos online of getting drunk, or tips on how to hide being drunk from concerned family and friends. AA is a recovery group. Pro Ana is not.

Pro Ana is a poor choice of words. It should be called what it is. Dangerous and toxic, and it’s not allowed on Tumblr.