♡︎ nanhe’s sun 𖤓

You turn over in bed, the light of the projector softly bouncing off the walls of Nanhe’s room. The night before was a faint blur in the back of your mind, only recalling Nanhe and you drinking before everything became fuzzy.

Your eyes tried to squeeze tighter to push out the light and continue sleeping, but to no avail, that didn’t work. You pushed Nanhe’s blanket off of yourself, the brightly colored fabric sliding off your body while your eyes slowly adjusted to the light as you opened them.

With it being Nanhe’s room, you’d assume he’d still be there at around 4 in the morning, but the room was quiet and empty besides yourself. This was normal for Nanhe, however, and it wasn’t necessarily a shocker to take in that he wasn’t there.

The blanket hit the floor as you swung your feet to the side of the bed. The floor was cold and damp, the dripping ceilings never making waking up enjoyable. You rubbed your eyes before finally standing up. Your knees wobbled beneath you until you found your footing.

His room was littered with drawings of every type, most crumbled and ripped from the dissatisfaction he felt attempting to create anything at the end of his restless days at work. Other litter consisted of food wrappers, but who could blame such a busy guy for never having time to clean his room.

The creak of the floor followed with your footsteps as you made your way towards his door. The posters of himself on the wall made you softly grin, oh how silly he looked. And somehow, it was enough to capture your heart in the strangest way.

You could think about him all day if it weren’t for the work you both had to do, dealing with so much on the daily never gave you that need to consider how much you really felt for him.

But when you woke up, it just felt right, the way you were spending your life with him. Even through the stress, the nights of cleaning and cooking for the next day, it didn’t bother you in the slightest if you could spend it all with him. You had no idea if he did or ever will feel the same, but that was something you’d never let yourself find out. Rejection from someone you saw everyday, how awkward that would be.

To push past that thought, you turned your attention towards his desk. The one he kept his drawings and photos on. This was the only spot in the hotel where he let himself feel free for once.

He told you so many stories from his youth, his attempts to get into art school and the failure he had to deal with. All of his paintings, drawings, sketches even, they were all stunning. You couldn’t believe he wasn’t let into that art school, and how much they had missed out rejecting him.

Your footsteps became quieter with each step towards his workspace. You outstretched your hands to the drawings, sliding them out. Most of them consisted of himself, and it made your heart skip a beat seeing his face. No amount of time could change the way you felt when you saw him.

Your hand moved to one of his drawers that held more of his drawings. It brought you too much excitement not to see more.

One of his drawers that was usually locked was ajar, a stack of paper poking out. It wouldn’t hurt to check out what was inside. You were sure he wouldn’t mind.

Your hand scooped up the stack of paper, flipping them over to get a better look. Obviously, you had only expected to see more doodles of himself.

Your eyebrow raised, blinking a few times to check if you were seeing things.

“Is that… me?…” You whispered to yourself, careful not to let anyone hear.

Your heart picked up its beats, lifting page after page of doodles and full blown drawings of yourself. Some had small hearts around them, some had notes about what we had done that day, and things he had enjoyed about it.

Your fingertips reached the last drawing, one of his latest pieces. It seemed to be a drawing of you in the blanket you were just sleeping in. A star was placed towards the bottom of his drawing, and a sentence reading out:

‘I’d prefer losing everything if it meant having you. I wish I could just –’ before the sentence became unreadable, smudged from some source of water. That being the leaking ceiling or from Nanhe’s eyes, you weren’t sure.

The heat behind your cheeks began to rise, confusion and nervousness mixing themselves together. What could this all mean? Surely it couldn’t be.

The floor near the door let out creaks that made your head turn. Not heavy footsteps similar to Laojin or Ahua, but also not ones of small animals similar to the otters. It must be Nanhe’s.

You quickly shoved the drawings back into the drawer and slammed it shut, jumping back into the bed while gripping your hand around the blanket in an attempt to cover yourself before he came in.

‘Surely, pretending to sleep will make this go all away. God, why did he have to come back right now.’

The crank of the projector continued to turn, the lights around his room only illuminating him quietly entering the room. His cigarette left a faint smoke trail behind him as he carried a few boxes towards the corner of a room before dropping them softly so as to not wake you.

‘By now, he would’ve most likely noticed, right?’ Your mind raced as you tried to squeeze your eyes shut tighter. Nanhe roamed around the room, picking up a few scraps of paper and putting out his cigarette in his messy ashtray he kept laying next to his scatters pencils.

Once finished, he let out a yawn and pressed his hands against his back to crack it. He turned towards the bed, his eyes lingering across your body as he watched your side lift with every breath.

You felt the bed sink as he situated himself onto it, clearly planning to go back to sleep considering how early it was. His hand reached the projector from where he currently sat on the edge of the bed and he shut it off.

You were facing the wall as you felt him shuffle his body on the bed. This wasn’t unusual, you both have slept in the same bed plenty of times before.

The sunken part of the bed evened out as he laid down completely. You slowly let out a quiet sigh of relief before your body turned back to stiff. You had felt a warm arm wrap around your side, and his body wrap around yours from outside of the blanket.

It felt like time itself had stopped, first the drawings and now this? He wasn’t good at hiding anything!

Only your head was outside of the blanket, so you could easily hear his soft breathing and the warmth it gave to the back of your neck and ear.

He nuzzled his face into your neck shortly after, your breath getting more rapid with every touch.

He had to know you were awake, but you could already see his embarrassed face he always made when he did something he shouldn’t have. While cute, it took a while for that face to disappear without consistent attempts to make him forget about it.

Your thoughts were cut short when he whispered into your ear.

“I love you.” is all he mustered out before his arms squeezed tighter around you. Even with such a tight squeeze, he was sure to be just as gentle. Something he was to nobody else in his life.

You couldn’t handle it anymore.

You softly spoke out as you allowed your eyes to open to look at the wall.

“Nanhe?”

His body stiffened and his arms felt ridged against your body. He held his breath before replying.

“Yes?…” He choked out, the panic in his voice settling in.

“Did you really mean it? Everything? Even what you wrote about me on those drawings I found?” You felt his legs straighten out as it left your mouth.

“What? How do you –” You cut him off as you flipped your body to face him. “That’s not my point. Did you mean it?”

Your eyes searched for his, his eyes tried avoiding yours in the process. They darted around, up and down, anywhere to get away from the thought of admitting anything to you out of all people.

“Answer me!” His eyes finally met yours, trying to read your emotion to predict your answer before finally confessing.

“Yes. I meant every bit of it. I’m sorry, just forget about all of it I shouldn’t have –” His feelings splat out of his mouth in a desperate attempt to escape all of it. His head shook from side to side before you nudged forward. Your arms left the confinement of the blanket and wrapped around his neck.

With your face nuzzled into his collar bone, you interrupted his pleas.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that come from you.” You confessed into his warm skin, muffling your words as you spoke them.

As expected, he went dead silent. His hands stayed hesitant around your body before slowly wrapping his arms around you again. His feet tucked forward slightly, now fully leaning into it.

“I wish I’d told you sooner if I knew all of this. Believe me.” I finished off before going quiet again. You could feel a smile spread across his face, his stubble softly scratching against the crook of your neck as he held you closer to him.

The silence was comforting, even if he didn’t know how to form a sentence from what he was thinking at that moment. He pulled back to look you in the eyes again.

Your grip around his neck loosened, and you both lay on your sides. You held eye contact for what felt like ages. His hands had already travelled to rest on your back and hip. You could hear his heartbeat in the still of the room. Both flushed, you didn’t know what to say.

“Can I?… Oh, forget it…” His eyes leave yours, zoning out slowly towards the wall behind you.

You nodded your head in a panic. “No! You can –”

In the skip of a beat, his lips crashed against yours. Taken by surprise, you gasp into the kiss before practically melting into it. Everything about it came so naturally. His hands roamed the sides of your body until one hand caught in your hair and the other pressed hard against your back.

Your hands instinctively did the same, grabbing a fist full of his soft black hair that you adored so much. Everything felt burning hot, his legs tangling around yours as he pushed further. His body pressed against your own.

The kisses he gave were sloppy and desperate, like he’d been holding back for years. And he had been, you had both felt the same for so long. At some point, one of you would’ve cracked. There was no longer this need to pretend. Every kiss stung of that faint cigarette taste that always lingered on his hot breath, and his lips moved effortlessly against yours every time he went back for more.

His lean body pulled back slightly to separate the kiss for a minute, a small string of drool breaking after an inch pulling apart. His hands moved to cup your flushed face. A wide smile appeared on his face, his childish giggles escaping his mouth as he continued to take in all of your features. Every bit of you he loved, no matter what it was. He planted kisses across your cheeks, nose, you name it. Your laughs joined his, placing a hand against the back of his and rubbing it gently.

Your face nudged into his hand, your eyes meeting his in a soft gaze.

“What would I do without you?” He says through his laughs before they slowly came to a stop.

The stringed lights that illuminated his room blinked softly around the both of you, the sway of the boat causing your bodies to shift against each other. Your legs were still tangled with his. His chest fell and rose with every ragged breath, syncing with your own.

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to yours before pulling you closer to him again. Skin to skin, flushed cheeks inches away from each other. His arms felt tight around you, only enough to secure you close to him though.

Your fingers traced along his back, his head shifting to hook around your neck again. The hug felt like it completed something in you. His embrace felt like nothing could ever hurt you again.

That’s how you had always felt around Nanhe. This safety that couldn’t be felt anywhere else.

He spoke up again, his hands clenching the fabric underneath them. “Those drawings.. I’m sorry you had to see –” Interrupting him again, I cut in immediately.

“They were beautiful. I didn’t know anyone ever thought about me in that light…” The words left my mouth effortlessly. “Don’t stop. Ever.”

You could feel him smile against your skin, letting the silence be his answer. His body untensed, and the only thing restricting him was the blanket that rest between the two of you.

You shuffled to make room, lifting the blanket in the process of turning to face the wall once more. Nanhe took this opportunity to tuck the blanket around the both of you while making sure to spoon you from behind.

His hands now folded around the front of your stomach, his chest pressing firmly against your back and his legs moving to completely wrap around you. The room fell silent once more before he rested his head on your shoulder to finish the spoon.

He whispered sweet nothings into your ear in an attempt to soothe you back to sleep, he knew how much you already had trouble with it and he was sure it wouldn’t hurt to get a few more hours of rest. A yawn escaped your lips as his whispers were taking an effect on you.

How quickly things could change between the two of you felt so insane when you thought about it. Those days of cleaning, tossing things at each other, and playfully throwing out insults leading up to this. You could try to say you didn’t see it coming, or that you thought it would never work, but deep down both of you knew it was inevitable.

Now just to hide all this from everyone else… That could wait, however, as cuddling the morning sun away felt much more important in this instance. Your breath slowly began to match his again, your eyes now shut. The rock of the boat mixed with everything Nanhe was doing slowly lulled you to sleep, and you drifted off almost instantly. Nanhe took notice before following a few minutes later.

The sway of the hotel was relatively more consistent today. Pots and pans slid across counters and shelves, my feet pressing firm against the warped floorboards of the kitchen so as to not fall or slide myself. Time to time having to catch pots from slamming against the kitchen floor. The sound of water, shouting and slamming came from outside the door before Nanhe appeared through the door. He had his hand in his pocket, fidgeting something around before pulling out his hand and turning his attention to me. His other arm was wrapped tightly around a red and white pot. My eyes widened in concern and confusion as I traced his movement. Pieces of his black hair clung to his damp face, and his cigarette puffed softly with smoke as it clung onto that last lit ember. A large smile was plastered across his face behind the mess of wet hair as he made eye contact with me.

“Look what I caught!” He exclaimed as he rushed towards me, slicking his black hair back slightly before reaching me. He shook around the pot before placing it in my hand, and it seemed to be… moving?…

My body weight shifted to face him properly, eyes still scanning around us to make sure nothing fell. The pot continued to attempt to move out of my hand like something was bumping against its walls, breaking free from its 'cage'. “Uhm… What is this exactly?” I asked as my brows knit together in a confused expression. The smoke from his cigarette stung my eyes, and tears coated my eyes slightly before I wiped them away with my free hand.

He took the cigarette out of his mouth, tossing it on the floor and stomping on it before replying eagerly. “The Hijinx!!! The key ingredient to that Dough Drop Soup I’ve been telling you all about!! Our debts will be cleared for good once we serve this to those ungrateful, greedy…” He mumbled on with his face scrunched in anger before one of my hands reached his face. His tanned skin flushed almost instantly, and his facial expression softened as my palm smudged the previous drops of water off his cheek. He softly chuckled to himself, lost in that physical contact for a moment before straightening out his back and taking a step back.

Shaking his head to snap out of whatever trance he was just in, he then gestures towards the pot with his hands pointed outwards to hold it. “As long as we’re debt-free, I don’t care what old recipe you serve them.” I replied with a soft smile. My hands reach out towards him, his hands grazed mine before snatching the pot back.

“Perfect… Well, it's about time to start cooking this before they have another reason to complain about the food and leave those insensitive one-stars…” He says before transitioning back to his classic grin, turning his attention to the door once again. Lucky, soaked and shivering from the encounter earlier, trailed behind Nanhe before he clicked his tongue at him, a way of telling him to jump up on his shoulders once more. With his back facing me, I can’t help but feel odd about how he got the Hijinx in the first place. My hand catches his shoulder before he fully exits the kitchen.

With an eyebrow raised, he makes a ‘hmm?’ noise in response to me stopping him. His eyes catch in the dim hallway light, shining just enough for my breath to catch in my throat. My face turned a shade of pink as I gulped loudly. Fuck, I can’t ask him where he got it, that’d be too awkward now. I fumbled over my words before finally coming up with an excuse. “Uhm. It’s.. It’s nothing, sorry! Almost fell… with the boat shaking and all – ” I reply with an exaggerated smile, attempting to cover the blush coating my entire face.

He shrugs it off with a half-grin before continuing out. The door clicks before the kitchen falls silent again. My once outstretched hand falls to my side, and I feel my face growing hotter instead of cooling off. Whatever, the hotel needs its food prepped, and I’m the only person in the kitchen as of right now. I need to pull myself together. My feelings getting in the way should be the last of my millions of concerns.

~~~~

The hotel continued to sway back and forth for a majority of the day. The kitchen began to fill up with everyone I was familiar with on the daily. Food, liquids and harsh words were tossed around in the air around me, but I continued as usual. Dinner was approaching and Nanhe’s specially instructed meals piled up on the tops of otters' heads as they were quickly brought out. He left the Dough Drop Soup to Laojin and Ahua, being the most experienced cooks in the kitchen, it wasn’t unusual for him to give all the big jobs to them. I finished up, washed my hands, and squeezed between the two walruses to reach the other side of the kitchen. Fumbling between the otters and the food they carried, I made it down to the catering hall of the Deep Sea quickly.

The catering hall was busy as usual. Guests yelled out about how awful the food was, and I couldn’t imagine how immensely that stung Nanhe deep down. For a man who gave up so much, he surely wasn’t treated like it. Speaking of Nanhe, I had spotted him almost immediately. Being one of the only other humans here, it was pretty easy to spot him in the crowd. He seemed to be pretty busy, surrounded by a good number of guests complaining and asking for different food. I could see his hands frantically pointing at menus and covering his worries with that smile I’d seen so many times. He was able to cover it so easily, but those nights of holding him as he dry heaved and sobbed into my shoulder said otherwise. That mask he wore so often could only carry so much behind it. His smile turned genuine when he spotted me in the crowd of guests near the back. His thoughts turned all to me, maintaining eye contact as he slightly pushed his way through the crowd. His arms waved to catch my attention.

My eyes turned towards the floor in a desperate attempt to escape his eyes, which were always so rich in emotion and that beautiful dark brown color that they were enough to always encapsulate my entire mind. I see his shoes appear in front of mine, stained and dirty, and I lift my head to look at him again. “I’m relieved to see you out here!! It gets pretty suffocating having to deal with these guests alone. Do you mind helping me out with getting everyone situated?” He asked, his hand going to reach for mine before he realized what he was doing and pulled back again.

“Sure, I can do that,” I reply warmly as his face lights up. He spins me around and pushes me towards a table quickly. ‘This was such a silly thing to agree to. Most of the guests are eager to chew anyone's ear off about how bad the food is. They just don’t get it, Nanhe’s artistic attention to detail with each meal. They need to wake up!’ My thoughts were interrupted immediately by the sounds of crashing plates and Nanhe groaning in frustration. ‘That’s not good.’ A bad feeling settled in my stomach, but I pushed on. I’m sure he can fix it up pretty fast. The complaints and gasps got louder, and my attempt to ignore them was cut short as I couldn’t help but investigate.

My body made its way through the crowd again, and Nanhe was now on the floor holding dozens of plates so they weren’t ruined. ‘What could’ve possibly just happened? And where the hell did his other shoe go??’ My eyes followed where the gasps were coming from, and they landed on a young girl…? ‘Is this the bad luck they were all speaking of earlier that day in the kitchen? What could a young girl possibly-’ Interrupted again by the crash of more plates, Laojin was now scolding Nanhe about the soup that had just been dropped across the catering hall's floor.

“Well, now I’ve got to deal with the girl. Great.” I muttered under my breath as I made my way to her. The brightly painted fish, made by both Nanhe and I, hung over my head and swayed with the ship, every creak of the boards under my feet syncing with the sway. My hand grasped around the collar of her shirt as I finally reached her.

“Come on now, we don’t need any more trouble for the night.” I snapped at her as she struggled against my pull. She shrieked about finding her mother and other sorts, but it’s not anything that concerns me enough to even question her about. I shuffled towards the exit, making my way through the crowd a lot easier now because of the ‘bad luck’ I was holding onto as of that moment. Nanhe’s eyes met mine as I dragged her by, and a mix of relief and guilt washed over his face. His focus shifted back to the soup’s announcement, and the otters finished up collecting it. Most had already turned their heads to his announcement, so tossing out the girl would be no problem now. I felt her tug on my shirt once more.

“What???” I finally snap at her, my grip still firm on the collar of her shirt. Her eyes widened at my response, but she took her shot anyway.

“Please! You must listen to me. Don’t eat the Hijinx! It knows where my mama is..” She pleaded, her hands clasped together in a form of prayer. My eyebrows furrowed, confused. ‘How could a creature like that know where her mother is?.. It made zero sense.’

I scoffed, “Yeah, right.” I can’t believe this young girl would take me for a fool. I’m not letting anything step between Nanhe and his dreams past the debt we held. I turned back and my feet finally hit the floors of the hallway next to the exit.

“You can leave now. I’m sorry, little girl. Your mother most likely isn’t here, so don’t try to come back.” My eyes glued to the floor as I opened the door and pushed her through it. “But I..!!!” she tried to beg again before the door slammed in her face. My head shook rapidly from side to side, trying to shake away the feeling of guilt that was consuming me. My consciousness ate away at me before Nanhe’s shout cut through my thoughts. The Dough Drop Soup! I had completely forgotten!

My feet picked up the pace as I searched for him, my name echoed against the hallways behind the catering hall. His head peeked out around one of the entrances and his face lit up instantly. The squeak of his single shoe got louder with every step, he was practically running towards me.

“They love it!!! This might be our way out of all of this!” His cheers and smiles became muffled as he wrapped his arms around me, giddy and child-like. My foot lifted to reach him a little better, considering he was a little taller than me. His heartbeat rang heavy in my ears, his laughs calming down into subtle gasps here and there.

Before I could respond with something usually cheerful, he cut me off. “You’re the only reason we’ve made this far, I’ve made it this far.” He confessed, releasing me from the hug and his eyes began searching mine for my response. His words fumbled over each other, a pour of emotions he rarely let himself show.

“Look, I.. I love –” He couldn’t spit it out. Both our faces grew deep red. The hallway was dim and flickering, and the only noises heard besides our shallow breaths were the laughs and cheers of the guests from the success of the Dough Drop Soup. He rubbed his face haphazardly, clearly embarrassed of himself and the way he was carrying this confession. It was so out of the blue, but that was normal for Nanhe. He was random, he was chaos in the still of the night that gave life to a dull life such as this. My heart skipped a beat as I instinctually took my hand to his and pulled one of his hands away from his flushed, handsome face.

He blinked, the final blink leaving them closed before he placed his hands on both sides of my face and muttering 'fuck it' before he pressed his lips against mine. My lips quickly returned the affection, my heart jumping outside of my chest. Him out of all people, it felt unreal. This must be a dream. His touch was intoxicating to say the least.

His hands travelled from the side of my head to a palm holding the back of my head and the other on my back once he felt me lean into the kiss. Both our eyes closed, the only thing I could think about was the taste of cigarette on his plush lips and the scent of the sea clung to his clothes. Something about it made it even more intense. He separated his lips from mine only to come back for more, somehow more gentle with every touch he gave. His hands slid down to the fronts of my arms before pulling back for a final time.

He huffed, his eyes scanning around before reaching mine again. Both our faces still stung from the heat behind our cheeks. “I –” I interrupted before he could finish his sentence “I love you so much more, Nanhe..” It came in a whisper, but it was still heard clear through the quiet distance between us. His face turned into that smile I loved so dearly, swinging his long arms around me in a tight compressed hug that nearly knocked the wind out of me.

“Oh the relief, I thought you’d – Oh, never mind that.” He babbled on to himself, spinning around with me clutched in his arms. His laugh was contagious, my own laughter catching up with his. Tears prickled at my eyes, his spinning coming to a slow stop before planting a quick yet passionate kiss on my forehead.

“I’d think it’d be best if we got back out there, won’t be safe to leave the otters to keep the guests happy…” I chuckle, my feet reaching the floor again as he put me down. The smile was still clear on his face, staring straight into my eyes. So much went on behind his eyes, it was always so hard to tell when he was thinking, but for right now I’m sure it was something to do with love.

“Just one more…” He said as he bent over to give me another hug, squeezing me tighter than before. ‘I love you’s whispered into my neck as he left soft kisses against my shoulder, neck, and cheek until he pulled back. Everything felt so surreal for the both of us. The walls continued to sway as we stood across from each other in silence. He lifted his head with a nod,

“Now, we can head back.” His grin still painted on his lips, clutching my hand palm-to-palm and dragging me back out into the catering hall. All the guests were content and in their own zone, a new reaction from them when it came to food we served. Nanhe’s giggles of glee washed in and out with the sound of the crowd. For once, life felt like it was pushing forward instead of being stalled to a halt.

A loud crash rang throughout the catering hall. The cheers turned to gasps of joy, and the words ‘strawberry’ and ‘sauce’ were faintly heard from the area where we stood. Nanhe’s hand shifted from holding my hand to gripping at my wrist with white knuckles.

“Shit! –” is all I could hear from him before he dragged me along with him to warn everyone. He repeated that it was the Red Phantom numerous times, and yet no one seemed to be listening. Almost the entire center of the Deep Sea now had a giant hole inside of it and the walls turned from swaying to rumbling. Sea water splashed around, flashes of red and blue covered our vision.

This was going to be a long day, but I’m sure we can get through this as well. Just like we always did.