Take It From Doll

Growing up i was surrounded with people who would often tell me “ang liit-liit mo.” Some would say it to describe me. Others would say it to simply pick on me like my height is something to make fun of. How i receive such statement depends on my mood and the way they say it. Until now i still do not know how to react or what to say whenever people would tell me that like, should i say sorry for being “ maliit?” ( kidding aside). I must admit there are times i’d feel bad about it. It even led me to doubt myself specifically my capabilities especially when someone told me no company will going to pay me good rates because “maliit” ako. And that hit me. What if?

There are days i’d let it slide and days that it hurt my feelings more than they thought it could. It’s supposed to be a no big deal, really because maliit naman talaga ako but sometimes i feel like it is more than just that statement. It was the phase of my life which I had to take a lot of courage to overcome.

I decided to give my best in everything that i do because i was thinking they will stop picking on my height and will focus on what I could do best but humans are human. They could see. They could speak. But i am too. I could hear. I could feel. Sometimes i’d try to invalidate my feelings thinking others will just say i am overreacting so i just shut my mouth and smile then act how i was told to because they said it’s okay and it’s okay, i told myself too.

I remembered how many times my ate would ask me, “ano ba kasi’ng gusto mong patunayan?” I had no answer to that question but right now i think i have. I wanted to prove myself to people. Make them see i could do so much and better. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be accepted. To not be the one they could make fun of. I wanted them to see that I can and I am strong enough, they cannot belittle me but I now came to a point where I got tired. Nakakapagod pala because no matter what I do people will have to say something. Will see something. My physical appearance can’t be covered up by my achievements. And it is okay. It is starting to be okay now. I realized that when you try to please the world, you will fail. You will always feel not being good enough. You’ll belittle yourself too. I even thought maybe it’s not the people who’s hurting me. It’s not how they make fun of me, that is hurting me but how i doubted myself because of what I could hear from them but at some point i am glad i did what i did because it made me prove to myself that God can help me be the best in whatever I do and whatever people say started to not matter at all.

We will have a lot of battles in our life but we must be wise enough to choose what is worth fighting. What is worth our time and energy. I am not saying that i am done because i am still in the process. We all are but sometimes you just have to unsee and unhear things that could pull you down. Focus on how God makes impossibilities be possible for you.