The Once And Future Prince

Ever since I was a little boy I knew I needed to be deeply ashamed of my desires wants and of course also needs

does anyone else see a sports field on a cold night in the texture of the hair

“trad wives just need to realize their inner queer!” i promise u the white women that believe in the great replacement theory don’t have inner queer thoughts they are just nazis

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone

"Peggle make phone calls" has become shorthand for "fuck it, whatever" for me but no one ever knows what im talkingabout and it's also longer (longhand?)

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them