Hopeless, but hoping.

You will fall in love with me. Then, just months later, you will fall out. I will pretend the entire time that I don’t know it’s coming.

I use the drugs to forget you. But for some reason when I’m so high I can’t remember my name, but I can remember the first time I meet you. I get reminded of the butterflies I got when you pushed my hair behind my ear. I remember our first time together, and how gentle you were. But I also live through you leaving me again. How you said, “I can’t handle you anymore.” I was “just to much baggage.” You got clean before I did, you got your life together. I was just weighing you down. I guess I get it, no one wants to take care of someone who can overdose at any point. But I took care of you. And in return you introduced me to a world I never knew. You left me because the gift you gave me started coming before you. I don’t know why I could think getting high would make me forget you. Once my warmth feels my body, I can feel you with me again.

maybe I just wanted to feel your soft lips against my fingertips, gentle strokes, reaching for your neck maybe I just wanted to feel your body against mine intimate moves reaching for your kiss maybe I just wanted to feel your heart beating beneath mine as I whisper in your ear all the things I’d like to do to you and all the things I’d like to show you the way I’d like to unwrap not only your clothes but your body too all the way down to your heart piece b piece until we beat as one like we’re deadly in love