idk what i’m doing

avoidance is lowkey funny because it’s like i don’t want love on the off chance that it gets taken away from me and then i have to become john wick or something

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

Im always like "i will not add my two cents. i will not add my two cents" but i cant lie the pennies are getting sweaty in my hand

the polite and considerate sadist

theyre making spiders mandatory in sex. theyre saying its not sex unless a spider is involved

nonsexually (no spider) fellating your friend but then you notice a spider on their leg and you’re like dammit i don’t have enough money to replace all my straight pride flag clothing, tableware, etc. with bi pride flag clothing, tableware, etc. so you have to stop sucking even though you were really enjoying it

how far into his term as mayor does zohran get the big top hat and monocle. i kind of thought he’d have them by now

senior/elderly nonbinary people. I adore you and you make the world a better place. whether you've known for multiple decades or you just found out last year. thank you for just Being. so much love from me.

oh hold on one sec [plucks a single feather from the wing of a passing angel] lol. he hates when i do that

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

To be clear I have never been more proud of anyone or anything